Feel like I don't have what it takes to be a teacher

[Lordsoftheboards10]

I passed my PGCE, but I just find it hard to build a relationship with the kids. I try my best, I'm always friendly, I start each day afresh, ask about their weekend, praise etc.

I know it takes time for kids to warm up to you, but recently I've started in a school and classes are small, but I feel like some just don't like me. Maybe it will come with time, but I can hear next door's lessons and the kids sound alive. They seem almost like zombies in mine and earlier I heard one girl ask a teacher who she had next.
He said me, and she let out a massive groan.
Any suggestions, apart from giving it time? I'm not overly harsh, I don't shout or criticise. I try to engage class discussions but they just don't want to participate.
Ive noticed that some other teachers have banter with the kids but that just isn't me, I'm not the sort of person to jokingly tease them and I don't think that should be the only way to build a relationship.

I also try to ensure work is differentiated and not too difficult. Maybe sometimes you just don't gel with classes no matter what.

It takes time to build relationships and a reputation with children. I wouldn't worry about one child groaning ... you have to have a thick skin in teaching!

Is this primary or secondary? Which subject if secondary?

I teach primary and do regular supply at my old school rather than a proper teaching contract with my own class and room. Because I am not always in the same class, it has taken time to get to know the children and also time for them to realise they can trust me and understand that I have the same expectations as other teachers. It's been a challenge, even with 25 years of class teaching experience behind me! Being new is difficult and it takes time to feel like you;re fitting in.

Can you think of some activities you have done that went well and got them enthused? It might be worth examining what those things had in common so you can do more of that. Would they prefer to do paired or small group discussions, rather than whole class ones? Can you try some polls or quizzes? Kahoot is great. Ideas on post it notes to take the pressure off contributing.

Are you having to follow a scheme?

Thank you! They are only very small groups, I suggest discussions in pairs etc. But they just look at me like I'm crazy.
I planned what I thought was an interesting creative writing task but they were just arguing why do we need to do that, what's the point etc.

They have no interest in passing their GCSEs because atm they're hoping to become brickies and so on and claim they'll never need GCSEs, and it's hard to help them see the bigger picture.

Teaching can be a battlefield and you definitely need a thick skin. I've been Secondary for 16 years and here is my advice (such as it is):

Firstly, be yourself. If you have a natural, bantery sort of personality then great but if not (and I don't tbh), that's ok too. Over time I've realised I have a sort of cheery 'mumish' personality and I lean into that instead- I'll never be cool and thats something I laugh about. In fact, I've observed several banterish teachers over the years and some of them really struggle with authority because they won't ever be the bad guy.

Have clear expectations about the work and provide those to the class: In pairs, I would like you to discuss this question about the video we just watched, then I will be taking feedback. Do not argue with them.
Student: "Aw why have we got to do this?!"
Me: "You've been given the task, I'm going to give you two minutes and then I'll hear your response". Then I walk away, don't engage with it or they will turn it into a row. It isn't up to them to decide what part of the lesson they will/won't do, it is your lesson and your expectations.

Having said that, think about the group and the kinds of tasks that work for them. I have groups who cannot use discussion or group work without it becoming WW3, so instead we have mini-whiteboards and independent tasks.

Finally, don't hold out for universal approval. Some people will groan when they see your name on the class list and that's ok (you'll inwardly groan when you see some of theirs! We're all human). Be clear, consistent and don't get into arguments with them, your goal is a good working relationship and that can take time unfortunately.

They are children. It's important to not get too involved in their passing likes and dislikes - they aren't your friends. Firm and kind and predictable is better long term, honestly. Your job is to give them a secure, warm environment within which they can build friendships with each other. Let them be kids, small clumsy humans who don't know their own power yet - and understand your own power, too. If you want discussion you have to facilitate it: they don't know how to do things yet. Instead of suggesting they do things, tell them they will discuss in pairs - model it for 2 minutes with a partner, then set a timer for their discussion and when the timer goes off, cold call a few to report from their discussion. Or however you want to run it, but run it.

They can't imagine, really, that you feel anxious about them liking you or caring if they groan. You are The Teacher. Whether you feel like this or not, it's what you are to them. So step up! You can do it. You can, I promise.

Sounds like you’re trying too hard to win them over. Kids don’t like that.
Ease off, and make sure your lesson plans have energy and something relatable.
Model learning behaviour before asking them to do exercises - when you say ‘discuss in pairs’, they may not readily understand what you mean by that.

Good luck. Don’t give up! You clearly care, and we need teachers who care!! x

Is this teaching English in secondary? I did it for 15 years. It’s a tough gig. Don’t compare yourself to other staff. English is a difficult subject to teach at secondary. Don’t enter into arguments with them. Set your tasks. They’re not up for discussion or debate. If they don’t do it use the behaviour system.