What would you say/do?

[Sunnyside4]

Planned a special celebration meal out for six. One of them got back to me asking if invite included X - it didn't, but no problems so said X was more than welcome.

It's just hit me X has a severe fish allergy, I think it's more ingesting it though (but there was an instance where a chef had fish oil/meat on apron). However, at least two/three of the original six are likely to want fish - two really like it (and one of them doesn't like pizza or pasta), the third has to restrict carbs for health reasons and doesn't eat meat, so can't have pasta/pizza/risotto/meat options and there aren't any veggie salad options - that'd leave them with no choice.

Absolutely not changing the venue (three would probably want fish anywhere they went anyway), it's a surprise celebration meal the recipient loves and means the main four they'd want can walk.

What would you say, do? It sounds selfish going back and saying we're eating fish, but even worse to un-invite.

I think you need to contact X and ask her if it is ok for people to order fish when she is there. And if it is not then just tell the others that they can't order it.

Surely they’ll be checking ahead of going if they have an allergy and will decline themselves if it’s not safe? I have multiple severe allergies even airborne so I know never to go to certain (most) places !

I disagree with pp as x wasn’t originally invited. I’d make it clear that there would be multiple fish dishes ordered and there were no veggie/salad options and say that you’d understand if they didn’t want to risk it and would catch up with them some other time.

Send the guests a copy of the menu so that at least it gives them an idea of what's available.

I am the allergy person in this scenario so just don't go. Would much rather know in advance though that it's not possible to accommodate me.

No way would I do this. Maybe reply, ‘ Simon is very welcome to join us but could you give him the heads up that most people will be ordering fish?’

If it was a meal organised for Simon then obviously I wouldn’t arrange a venue where fish was prominent on the menu but this is someone else’s occasion.

You go back and you say just FYI, we're eating at x and some of us are likely to be having fish.
We'll arrange the seating so that those who order fish sit the furthest away from X.
Here's a link to the menu.

Just make it clear some people will be eating fish 🤷‍♂️

It's not up to you to remember anyway, it's up to 'X' to remember and make that decision for themself.

Just say I've just remembered he has a fish allergy. People will be eating fish will he be ok?

Seriously?

X wasn't invited
X has been told they can now come

And you think the OP should control what those who were invited can or cannot eat?

Bonkers.

I would ensure X knows the restaurant serves fish and it is likely some guests will be ordering fish.

They can then make the decision.
I would not change venues in this instance.

The person with the fish allergy surely must come across this or similar situation all the time - so i'd put the decision to them,
Forward them a copy of the menu for the meal and just state FYI you think some of the party will order fish. Then let them decide what to do - like suggested above then can sit at the opposite end of table to the fish eaters - or if their allergy is very severe they may have to decline the invite. I don't think you can dictate to the others that they can't order fish.

This is perfect

Can't tell other people not to order, are you telling the people at the next table not to order?

If someone is so severe that it's airborne, then they are responsible for not going into an establishment. Not the other patrons.

Seriously?

Surely the person must know there's a chance that others around the table might order fish.

If they need a totally fish free environment then they'd need a vegan restaurant or maybe a steakhouse?

Just remind your mate that fish will almost certainly be served and you hope that's still ok for them to join in.

My mate is celiac but she doesn't get sick from looking at others eating gluten in a restaurant?

The person with the allergy knows where you're going, it's up to them to check it out and make a decision about whether it's somewhere they can go or not.

The thing is, if they can't be near people who've eaten fish, how do they live their life? People eat fish all the time. Do they not go into offices, use public transport, go to supermarkets? They must always be around people who've been around fish.

I would tell x where you are going and that three will be eating fish and leave the decision with them

i would not expect all six of you to make allowances for X when they were not originally invited