Family meal

[Grandame]

Just had a lunch invitation from my Bro to meet next week and really hate to be ungrateful but I’m always the odd one out. His wife and my sister will chat throughout the meal whilst he chats to DH.
Although I wear hearing aids I find it difficult to keep up with the conversation and am very much the odd one out. I’m beginning to dread these events because they make me feel so sad.
Does anyone have any coping strategies please?

Do you think you could have a quiet word with your sister in advance? Not in an accusing way obviously, but just let her know how difficult you find it to join in. Maybe she could make a special effort to include you in the conversation?

Oh that’s thoughtless of them. Unless your hearing loss is new they should all be used to it and including you second nature. I think you’re going to have to say something.

I know at larger dinner parties it’s normal for people to chat in small groups excluding the others but there’s only five of you. It seems odd that pair off rather than having a group conversation

Why don’t you engage in any of the conversations?

Because she has a hearing problem.

I think as it is close family you should have a conversation reminding them it is difficult to hear everything and ask them to try and include you, make sure you can see them when talking. Perhaps pick an off peak time so better chance of restaurant being quieter? Or is there a different kind of catch up that would be better for you.

Well, the main strategy is clearly for your family to make the effort to include you but other strategies include:
Going somewhere with low levels of back ground noise
Ensuring that you sit with your back to the window so that the light falls on the speakers' faces
You sit at one corner and the conversation partner sits diagonally next to you and doesn't turn away from you

Depending on the type of hearing aids you have, there may be an assisting listening device that can connect to your hearing aids.
Phonak has a Partner Mic
Oticon has an EduMic
There is a transmitter that your conversation partner wears that connects directly to your hearing aids via Bluetooth.

Contact Connevans (connevans.co.uk) They are incredibly helpful and can advise on products that might help.

Would it help if you sit in between your sister and SIL so they're always facing you as they talk?

I'd prefer to just come up with a last minute excuse and just not go. It's okay to do that. You're not obliged to do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

And this is why there are such high levels of isolation, depression, mental health issues and dementia in deaf people. People find communication hard so they step back...and eventually find themselves alone.

Do not find an excuse, OP. Explain how you feel to these people who are supposed to care about you. Explain why they need to make an effort to keep you included.

I hadn't thought of it like that and it's really illuminating. A similar level of ignorance (mine) in others is probably one of the reasons people are so unaccommodating. Thank you for highlighting that and for illustrating why that's exactly why OP should go.

Is it just your hearing that is an issue or is it that it's an odd number and everyone else seems to pair up, leaving you spare?
I always find it you have a circular table that makes conversation easier as no one is stuck on the end, and this might help you in seeing everyone's face (and possibly lip read).

Thank you all for your replies which have made me take a long look at myself, they have made me realise that I am feeling depressed at the moment and that I have to be more assertive and not let the family ignore me. Your common sense suggestions have really helped and I appreciate every single one. Thank you for your kindness I truly appreciate my Mumsnet family.