Rude encounter? Makes me not want to help strangers.

[lunalemer]

Went to Tesco Express and saw a woman approaching people, she then approached me and asked for money to get the bus. I said I’d check if I had any change. (Before she said it was for the bus I did offer to buy her something if she needed it).

Found some change in the bottom of my bag before I left the shop and saw her sat on the pavement, gave her the money and asked her if she now had enough to get the bus. She bluntly said no, and I replied would she like me to wait with her and pay for the bus on my card (bus stop is right by the shop) and she told me no and pointed to the cash point and said I could just get some money out instead.

Aibu, she didn’t need to be grateful, I didn’t do anything amazing, but everyone else ignored her and me the one person who acknowledges her and tried to help it clearly wasn’t good enough. It’s interactions like this that make me think why bother.

Usually when someone says they need money for the bus it's cash they want. Maybe for drugs. There are agencies that can help with hardship loans like the local council no need to give money to strangers asking for it .

She wasn’t really getting the bus by the sound of it, and wanted money for other purposes. Happens a lot.

I know, I think I just sometimes fall in the thought process of I need to be more grateful for the things I have and if I’m in a position to help someone then I will.

I think it was just the way she told me to go to the cash point and when I said no she clearly got pissed off.

Honestly, that particular Tesco is awful for people begging. When I go if it’s dark I put on obvious headphones and I still have men yelling at me to give them money. It’s so intimating.

It is difficult to avoid them isn't it . I do give to charities and food banks when I can afford to.

At least you tried to help her. Money for the bus is easier to ask for than money for a drink.

Sometimes it's easy to forget that when some of us get home after a stressful day, we are able to have a glass of wine, a beer, a whisky or something else to take the edge off. Why should people who have less be judged by wanting a similar escape by having a drink too.

This lady was clearly not having a good day. Not saying what happened to you was right or wrong, but I was simply reminded of this many years ago and not forgotten the logic.

This is a common scam in my town. The person asks for bus fair/train fair to get to hospital/get home/visit a sick parent. It's just a different form of begging.

To be fair, if I was homeless I'd probably be looking for money for drink or drugs.

She wasn't intending to spend the money on the bus fare.

YABU to give anything at all to a crack addict who was clearly lying! "For the bus" is one of the oldest lines in the book. All you did was encourage this scummy behaviour. Give to a proper homelessness charity if you want to help.

If she’s homeless with addiction issues scrabbling round for a few quid here and there I think I would cut her some slack. One kind stranger offering to pay her bus fare is not going to help anything in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps she should have been more grateful, but her life is so far removed from yours I couldn’t judge her for being rude.

It's just begging. The beggars around our Morrison's make around £70 a day. I work with this group of people and I know this.

If you want to contribute to that, fine. If not decline politely and move on. She wasn't wanting the money for the bus.

she may be legit homeless & in need of a drink ( fair enough) but there are also lots of (illegal) immigrant begging / thieving gangs around , where the begging proceeds for the day go into the coffers of the ones running the gig who provides accommodation & food, maybe a small “wage” (think 20 ppl in a house dive ) .

She saw you coming didn’t she? Jeez gullible people like you just encourage aggressive begging which just makes walking through town scary and horrible for us all. Give to charity if you want to help. Don’t fund crackhead behaviour.

She never wanted the bus.
There used to be a regular in my town who was always "stuck" there as he could never get the bus fare home. He used the same line daily.

OPs behaviour in no way encourages aggressive begging!

Aggressive beggars need no encouragement, that's just them, they'll do it regardless.

They don't even register the response or notice who you are. There's one near me who calls out "miss, miss can you spare any change" I say no on the way into the shop. On my way out he asks me again.

Blame them not the "gullible" people.

That is not really fair.
Some people are not good at spotting these things. I know a man with autism who had been taken advantage of many times by the beggars where he lives. He is an easy mark, and they know it.
He has even let one stay in his flat, and ended up robbed as a result.

There was one guy in my town who was well known. Always in the local rag for various crimes. He started targeting teens for money, with a sob story about not being able to eat etc. He would take their money and go straight into the bookies.

I think you’re being rather naive, OP. Someone begging is likely to have significant issues, probably including addictions, which tend to preclude social gracefulness — give or don’t give, but don’t expect the kind of response you’d get from someone who isn’t on the street.

I'm afraid you were naive and gullible there. She didn't want bus fare. She was just after your cash in any way she could and you all but fell for it.

I like to help homeless people. I do it by donating to Crisis at around Christmas time and sometimes on other occasions. I also put donations in the local food banks quite regularly. That way you know that your money is by and large going on what you want it to go on.

It's just sad really how so wrong things must have gone in her life to end up in this situation. I will always help people when I can and if that money goes towards their next fix I'm ok with that. If I had no home, no money and no friends or family I would also take drugs to have a little escape from the pure hell and loneliness she must be feeling

If it’s a really young person or someone who actually looks like they sleep rough in the cold months I try to help. They do need £12- £15 to be able to get into homeless shelter for the night. I once picked up a young girl maybe 18 it was raining and freezing and she was sat with a wet blanket and she asked me for help to get a shelter. So I put her stuff in my car and drove her to the shelter it was £12 and first come first served once the rooms are gone it’s tough luck. Very sad! But we also have some who hang around aldi and Lidl car park begging ( however these people do it as a job because I’ve seen her in town new car dressed in designer clothes? Also seen her park her car and walk to sit outside of maccys. It’s so hard on who needs help.

Honestly, stop feeling guilty. Do you work and pay taxes? That’s a massive contribution right there. You don’t need to do anymore and you do ‘t need to be guilt tripped by randoms on the street. If you don’t work, are you a SAHM? A carer? You don’t owe anyone your money.

I do give to charity but to overseas where the money makes a massive difference.

It’s never for the bus