Unhappy at FIL coming to stay

[Maxi77]

FIL is visiting from out of town. Of course my DH offered for him to stay with us without asking me first, but at the time I didn't say anything as I hoped FIL would decide to stay in a hotel (as MIL did when she visited). We have a 3 month old baby, so I'm home breastfeeding for most of the day and trying to nap if I get the chance. Now I'll need to cover up while feeding my DD and have to deal with someone in the house (extra mess, noise etc). Our house is pretty small. DH has done nothing to help tidy up so the house is already a mess. I know it's only for a week and that i should have told DH about my concerns from the start, but I'm feeling very annoyed that FIL hasn't had the common sense to stay separately (he can afford it btw). AIBU?

Yes, your issue is with your DH not your FIL

You have your hands full with a baby. DH can be told to tidy up since he invited his father.

Otherwise just say ‘sorry the house isn’t tidy, DH made no effort and as you can see I have my hands full!!’

Well - don't fret about tidying the house - he'll have to take you as he finds you. Tell DH he'll have to sort of the bed, or leave the bedding on the bed for FIL to sort himself.

Give DH a shopping list and he's on dinner duty. Ask him if he's taking time off work to host his Dad.

I could go on and on but actually - just go and stay with your Mum.

Remember - guest are like fish, they go off after 3 days even if you want them to be there.

Just tell your husband that he needs to tell his dad to stay in a hotel! You have a tiny human to look after & that takes all of your time, effort & energy - there's nothing left for hosting houseguests! Your husband is a thoughtless, selfish dick.

Common sense was for you and dh. You
should have said straight away no and stupid dh should not have offered.

Go into it with the assumption that FIL is here to help. Give him a list of jobs, ask him for drinks, food, cleaning, tell him how lovely it is that he is here to help out. Hopefully he will either get stuck in or find a hotel.

Agree with PP, your dh should have said no.

do nothing to accommodate him, no cleaning or cooking and just shrug and say new baby. Men can be so dense sometimes

I think I would tell DH that having invited his DF to stay, he needs to take the time off work to entertain him. Point out that he didn't check with you whether you were happy for him to be invited, and that in actual fact you feel at this point that it is a bit of an imposition, so he can either suggest to his DF that he stays in a hotel, and visits in the evening, or he can take the time off to host him.

Then, make it clear to DH, that you're a couple, and in future, before committing you BOTH to something, he MUST check with you.

Failing him taking time off, then I'd go and stay with your DM if that's viable, as I certainly wouldn't want to be lumbered with my FIL, while my DH was at work, every day for 5 days.

I would tell DH he needs to take time off work to look after his father, and that includes all cooking and cleaning

Or he asks his DH to stay in a hotel and visit when it suits you

Totally agree with this.

Dh takes the time off work or fil stays in a hotel. End of .

I know it’s fashionable now to expect relatives visiting you to stay in AirB&Bs or whatever, but it was perfectly normal to host grandparents for your FIL’s generation and the fact he’s waited until the baby is 3 months old shows thoughtfulness, IMO.

Plus how considerate was your MIL paying for a hotel instead of imposing on you?

Your problem is your husband is a rubbish host (and possibly a rubbish husband).

DH has done nothing to help tidy up so the house is already a mess.

"Help"? No, DH does the tidying up. Start as you mean to go on. You aren't staff, he's not management.

I would think it’s quite normal for DH to offer to host his father. It’s not always ideal, but can’t you just excuse yourself to feed baby / have a nap etc

Her husband can make his own shopping list.

Please be careful with statements like 'go and stay with your mum', unless you know the OP from elsewhere if the OP has a mum or whether she lives in Australia or a care home.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I do agree that I should have said no in the first place; really kicking myself that I didn't. A lesson learned that I have to stop being too considerate and speak my mind more.

FIL has arrived and is already grating on me. While he is a nice man, clearly not going to do anything to help or even tidy up after himself. Now I've noticed he doesn't even wash his hands after using the loo!

Staying with my mum isn't an option so I'll just have to grin and bare it until he leaves. DH is taking time off work and will be cooking etc. I will be making sure he is the one to tidy up after his dad.

Good to hear that your DH is taking time off, etc., did you have to give him grief to get him to see he needed to do that, or was it volunteered?__

@RoastDinnerSmellsNice he decided to take time off himself but with a small nudge from me to take an extra day. At least he has now realised how inconvenient and thoroughly sh*t it is to have a house guest atm for nearly a week. I think we are both counting down the days.

Tell your husband that his father isn't washing his hands after going to the toilet, he could make you all ill 🤢

Goodness - I would be staying in my bedroom and using antibacterial wipes on everything FIL might have touched until he goes home 🤢

Staying with my mum isn't an option so I'll just have to grin and bare it until he leaves.
@Maxi77 I thought you said you would be covering up when you breastfed.

Thanks for responding to my question about whether your DH took the time off voluntarily, I'm glad he did, and that he's now realised how difficult it can be having house guests for more than a day or two. Don't worry now, it'll soon be over!😁