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Original poster

Best option for monitoring daughter's movements while I'm at work?

40 replies

feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 19:12

I am having a hard time of it with my 15 year old daughter. Today she thought it would be a good idea to sack off school and have her boyfriend over. She then lies when I ask her about it. It is not the first time this has happened. The problem is that I work full-time (single parent) and cannot fully keep on top of what goes on when I'm not here.
Obviously there will be consequences for today. However it's really difficult second guessing her movements and I need proof. So I'm thinking of getting a doorbell camera. But I don't know if this is what I need. Would an outdoor security camera be better? I really need something that links up to my phone, so that I can check she has left on time for school, isn't coming home early, etc.
I'm not great with tech so would really appreciate your advice. And it would be great if we could stick to the question. The school story is a long one, so I'd rather focus on the camera thing. And obviously the ideal would be that I wouldn't need to do this at all! But for now anyway, the trust has gone, and I'm doing my best to try and manage the situation.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 04/03/2025 20:10

First of all, you sound like a great mum who is concerned about her daughter. Take no notice of any stupid replies on here. I think a ring doorbell is a good idea - if you can get a handyman/electrician to install it, he can talk you through all the features and how to use them.

Have a chat with your daughter and lay it on the line - you are working to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. School is a non-negotiable. If she doesn't attend, you could be fined or even prosecuted, she needs to understand the consequences. If she doesn't get at least 5 GCSEs her opportunities in life will be much narrower. If she thinks trying to study and pass exams now is a pain in the arse, she needs to know that it will be MUCH harder further down the line.

I hope you have some real life support - parenting teenagers is hard! 💐

MoosakaWithFries · 04/03/2025 20:18

Take her phone off her until Saturday am.

When you give it back make sure she has Life 360 on. You're paying so you call the shots.

As others have said, get a Ring doorbell.

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:20

RedHelenB · 04/03/2025 20:04

What is she like at school? Does she have ambition?

Lots of anxiety, doesn't feel safe, lack of confidence in her ability, suspected ADHD.
It's so hard. And I liaise with the school so much that it's a wonder I'm not invited to the staff socials!
She has already changed school, in case anyone suggested that.
It'll be a case of getting through the next few months and then work or college.

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:21

Endofyear · 04/03/2025 20:10

First of all, you sound like a great mum who is concerned about her daughter. Take no notice of any stupid replies on here. I think a ring doorbell is a good idea - if you can get a handyman/electrician to install it, he can talk you through all the features and how to use them.

Have a chat with your daughter and lay it on the line - you are working to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. School is a non-negotiable. If she doesn't attend, you could be fined or even prosecuted, she needs to understand the consequences. If she doesn't get at least 5 GCSEs her opportunities in life will be much narrower. If she thinks trying to study and pass exams now is a pain in the arse, she needs to know that it will be MUCH harder further down the line.

I hope you have some real life support - parenting teenagers is hard! 💐

Appreciate that more than you know x

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 04/03/2025 20:22

The problem with these systems is you can disable them by just switching off the WiFi... would you get an alert if the WiFi went down fir a few minutes?

HappyHappyy · 04/03/2025 20:25

Ring doorbell will be perfect & easy to set up

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:25

TickingAlongNicely · 04/03/2025 20:22

The problem with these systems is you can disable them by just switching off the WiFi... would you get an alert if the WiFi went down fir a few minutes?

Hmm, a good question.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 04/03/2025 20:27

If you get a ring and knows you can see her coming home and her BG coming over - is she likely to put herself in even more danger to avoid getting caught?

I'm not sure being tracked is a deterrent. She needs to stop because it's wrong. Which she knows.

So either a ring won't prevent her or it'll. abuse her to go elsewhere and possibly be in more danger.

InigoJollifant · 04/03/2025 20:29

I know where you’re coming from… I considered a ring doorbell but realised DD could climb out a window anyway. Our problem was sneaking out at night, but presumably school report her truancy to you?

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:33

itsgettingweird · 04/03/2025 20:27

If you get a ring and knows you can see her coming home and her BG coming over - is she likely to put herself in even more danger to avoid getting caught?

I'm not sure being tracked is a deterrent. She needs to stop because it's wrong. Which she knows.

So either a ring won't prevent her or it'll. abuse her to go elsewhere and possibly be in more danger.

She'll be ok. She's not a bad kid and isn't into drinking, smoking, drugs (God forbid). No risky behaviours as such. She's a school refuser (partly, not completely).

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:33

InigoJollifant · 04/03/2025 20:29

I know where you’re coming from… I considered a ring doorbell but realised DD could climb out a window anyway. Our problem was sneaking out at night, but presumably school report her truancy to you?

Impossible as we're in a flat Grin

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 04/03/2025 20:37

MyrtleLion · 04/03/2025 19:35

I hardly think monitoring her remotely will restore trust. It will just create resentment. You could try talking kindly to her and ask her what's going on in her life. Find the root of the problem, not add to it.

This exactly

IcecreamWhatSandwich · 04/03/2025 20:38

A ring doorbell is a really bad idea, you will just enforce her and her boyf doing whatever they are doing in your house, somewhere else like a park or the house/car of someone you don't know.

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:42

Please let me make something clear. I am not saying that her boyfriend can't come over. I have always been warm and welcoming towards him. I don't want them hanging around outside in Scottish wintry weather (yes, even in March!). He can come over on the weekends and some evenings. A I'm asking is that he doesn't come over during school hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:45

All

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