To hope I can become better in bed without having to watch porn?

[SackOff]

I am bad in bed. It’s OK, I know it. But, I am in a Life Improvement Phase and want to find someone lovely and both have a good time and get some technique.

I really want to improve my moves. But I am scared to google and don’t know where to begin. I really don’t want to watch porn. Am I being unreasonable?

Porn can be a great teacher op, especially the better produced porn which is more female focused

Be led by the person you are being intimate with. They know what they like and they can guide and show you. The basic premise of knowing it isn't all about you and what you want is the best start. It doesn't have to be about sexual intercourse either, there are many ways to have a lot of fun without actual sex. You can build to it, it doesn't have to go from kissing to intercourse.

Instead of pornography, have a look on netflilx at some of the LGBTQ+ films section, some of them contain a lot of sexual content because theyre about exploring sexuality. Might give you a few ideas.
I understand, i only started having sex later in life than most, my fiance has been my only partner and its only been a bit shy of 18 months since i tried anything sexual for the first time, i'm still very much in the learning phase and also despise porn.

Before we engage. Are you male or female?

I would say the most helpful thing I have watched is everything on www.omgyes. it's not porn but it is very explicit.

Sex is not about technique, but connection. Porn sex is not actually enjoyable.

This.

But also, regardless of gender, there is no universal “good at sex”. Everybody has their own interests, likes, dislikes, there honestly isn’t one particular thing that is great for everyone.

Being good at sex is about communicating with the person you’re having sex with, being enthusiastic, and each being interested in pleasing the other. You aren’t going to get better at sex watching anything which tells you what people who aren’t you or your partner supposedly enjoy in bed, least of all porn, which is purely theatre rather than education.

If you’re genuinely told you’re no good at sex, and multiple previous partners have told you so, then you aren’t learning from what you’re hearing or taking in what they’re saying works for them - that’s what you need to work on.

Yes being good at sex is about connection and communication and being attuned to your body and your partners body. The moves do not really mean anything in isolation. The moves are also different for every person. What one person likes another may not. There are many moves in porn if someone did to me I would not enjoy it. You need to find out what the person likes in the first place and then explore from there

There's a sex board.

I'm sure they'll all love to help

Just what I was thinking.

Exactly this and it’s not even the same person to person in real life, nevermind in porn. There are things some of my friends do in their sex lives and love which I personally wouldn’t like, equally I’m sure there are things about mine that they wouldn’t like.

There isn’t a universal rule of “this is what all women/men” like in bed.

What do you feel you're not good at?

No. It's still a performance, not bearing relation to actual sex apart from the mechanics.

Sex with the wrong person is never usually very good tbh. Personally I spent a long time being the only party at the table (or bed) making the effort to find out what the other person liked, for it never to be reciprocated!

Who told you that you were "bad in bed"?

This is what I was wondering! Plus, what @MrsTerryPratchett said.

I am female. But a fair question.

Who told me I was bad in bed? No one but I do know. There are things I am good at, so I am not just being down on myself.

sex is a completely neglected area in my life but I know I really don’t want anything to do with porn. I really don’t want anything to do with coercion etc.

Sex itself has got nothing to do with porn. Those of us first having sex in the 80s and 90s didn't have porn at our fingertips to 'learn' from. We just learned through sex and interactions with the people we were intimate with. That's the only way you become 'good in bed'. Through real life practice.

Beducated is meant to be really good and isn’t porn

Practice makes perfect

Get to know your own body and read The Joy of Sex - don't know if it's been updated, but the older version is great, illustrated with line drawings.

Porn will teach you performative moves that have nothing to do with sexual intimacy - find the person first, then explore that person.