Friend talks about another friend constantly- tedious

[RosaMoline]

I have a very close friend who I’ve known in excess of 50 years - a lifetime!
Anyway, when she started nursing 40 years ago, she trained with another girl - my friend is J and the other girl is N. J and N became good friends too. (No problem with that at all)
However, when I see J she manages to insert N into every conversation. No matter how tedious and boring. I’ve only met this woman once (at J’s hen night…many years ago) but I feel I know the ins and outs of her life - I’m great detail - even J telling me about her marital woes when her N’s husband cheated (which is none of my business anyway…)
It’s almost laughable - recent examples:
Me showing J a cute photo of a chihuahua on Instagram (‘ooh N has chihuahuas…they’re called..’ yes I already knew that. 🙄)
Me mentioning I’m hoping to go to Japan next year with DD:
‘N went to Japan last year…’
We’ve just been on a mini break last week, and at times my eyes were rolling so hard when she wasn’t looking directly at me. N, her family, the cheating husband, her dogs, house, life shoehorned into practically every conversation.
Is there any way I can kindly tell her she’s boring the piss out of me by yapping on about this random woman all the time?

Bump!

"Well, I done really know N, June..."
And repeat it.

"Don't" not "done" ffs.
That does sound really boring.

YANBU OP would massively annoy me too

Can feel a bit disrespectful

She's secretly in love with her. This has the makings of a really naff good movie!

"I hope you don't share all my private business with N as much as you share hers with me." Every time.

Every single time she says "N" say "N who?"

she'll soon click how often she does it.

Something like, J I have known you for fifty years and I feel at this point we can be honest with each other. I don't know N, and you are boring the piss straight out of me talking about her like I do. Can we not?

What @BansheeOfTheSouth says.

She probably IS, sorry.

I know someone exactly like this. I should keep a tally of how many references she makes to her friend L in every conversation. She’s repeated things to me that make me cringe, never mind L. Bedroom things 🙄

My mum does this with her next door neighbour. I could genuinely write their autobiography although I don't know them at all.I bumped into the neighbour once when I was coming out of my mums and I was thinking how this woman has absolutely no idea that I know so much about her.

She said something like 'my husband used to be a fishmonger' and I was thinking

Oh I know. Then eight years ago he retired and sold the business to a couple from Southend and now he plays golf on Mondays

When I say “is” I mean unfortunately N probably knows a lot about R’s life.

It's a bit odd, isn't it?

My close friends might ask after another close friend if they've met them a few times over the years, but only ever in passing and I only ever give an in passing sort of response, i.e really well or had a bit of a tough year sort of thing.

Are they very enmeshed or is it that your friend is on awe of her nursing friend?

…this is how long it’s been going on for….
back in the early 90s ex H & went on holiday with J and her then-partner.
I remember Ex H saying ‘fuck’s sake, I wish J would stop bringing N and her DH into every conversation. I’ve never met them, and I never want to!’

Absolutely! That's often the problem with people who overshare about other friends.

Mentionitis is was what I thought!

To clarify: they were both nurses. When N met her DH, he was in banking and very successful. Retired at 50. Because of his career they had a very lavish life style living in the Far East (J went to visit them)
N didn’t have a career beyond a nursing training. She was supported my her high earning DH.
Maybe J is in awe of this.

Oh Christ alive, I'd have to say something... How many more years are you going to lend your ears to this, nodding and smiling as if you give a shit!?

I have a friend who does this!! And also a relative who does it about cousins whom I don’t actually know at all.

You either need to very honest with her, or take a step back from the friendship. People like this aren’t usually open to hints. Maybe you can say, “Her life really isn’t any of my business and I’m starting to think it’s weird I know so much about her.”

Yeah, J does sound like Mouth of the South tbh. I think you should be very careful what you tell her about your life. World’s biggest gossip springs to mind!

My partner is like this...he tells me about his childhood neighbours long lost uncle who I couldn't give 2 hoots about....every time someone dies he makes it his own personal tragedy....recently his childhood neighbours dad died and he started lamenting about how it's another loss in his life....he hadn't seen or heard from the man in over 30 fucking years!! It makes me so so angry 😠 I call him a grief theif... Cannot stand it!

which is when we find out N is in exactly the opposite situation and starts her own thread about how sick she is of hearing the OP is planning to go to Japan next year and so on through J 😂

I’ve joked about that before! 😂

J has been secretly in love with N for decades. Next time she mentions her, tell her to reveal her true feelings before it’s too late!

I had the same situation with 2 friends when we’d meet as a 3.
There were endless conversations about a group of people they both met up with and who I didn’t know at all.
it was boring and also excluded me from the conversation.
Your situation is different as it’s just you two. I’d just say you don’t know this person at all, and can you talk about something else?

I'm a bit sad for your friend that she doesn't have anything more interesting to talk about! Why not say 'Oh that's enough about N, I want to hear about you! What have you been up to lately? Or what do you think about [any subject]?