Too strict?

[Expatinsingapore]

I was talking to my friend about a detention that her son had.
He is in year 9 and during a science lesson (when students were carrying chemicals) her son slapped another boys bum (more of a tap).
Her son was given an after school detention for this for sexual assault. AIBU that I think it is too harsh?

My 6 year old did this to his best friend and got a detention. Rules around consent need very rigidly reinforcing if boys are going to be trained out of what eventually leads to rape culture.

I think it's fine to come down hard. Let them learn young.

Chemistry labs during practicals aren't places to 'play around' in ffs.

A mild punishment such as a detention isn't an overreaction just for that aspect of it.

The only bottom I touch apart from my own is my husband's and that's because we are quite touchy feely on our own and know that the other person doesn't mind.

I can't imagine touching a friend's bottom even in jest and even as a teenager.

Detention is perfectly reasonable. Maybe if we had more consequences for these supposed "minor" demeanors we wouldn't have some of the problems in society that we do.

I would be horrified if anyone around my daughter

1. touched her butt
2. messed around while chemicals were being used. that's incredibly stupid

I would ask for a stronger line on both these things so personally think the child was lucky it wasn't my kid!

Yes they were playing around in a room where chemicals were being used.
The OP is trying to play down the health and safety aspect of this by putting forward that they are friends..

So lets just overlook the health and safety and the disruption to the lesson and the safety of all the other pupils in the lesson.

Overreaction on the basis of sexual assault between two friends.

But not on the grounds of safety in a chemistry lab.

Tbh a mere detention for a sexual assault on someone while using flammable and corrosive chemicals seems pretty generous.

If your kid was the victim of sexual assault what punishment would you see fit for the perpetrator?

It's not appropriate in a lesson. Especially not with people carrying chemicals. If they really want to do it to each other because they're friends they can do it in private.

This

So you're saying if you're sexually attracted to someone it's ok just to go up and slap their bum?!?!

So you'd be OK if a friend decided to just slap your bum? Or squeeze your crotch?!?!

It's comments like this that try and normalise sexual assault. It is NOT ok just to slap someone's bum, even if they're a friend.

@Expatinsingapore I have given a detention recently for exactly the same thing - one child slapped another child's bum. I logged it as sexual assault.

To be a sexual assault, an assault must be sexually motivated. Leaving aside the question of whether this was an assault, what evidence do those confidently asserting that “this was a sexual assault” have of the wee boy’s motivation?

Are you joking? I got detention once for forgetting a calculator. YABU.

You'd get detention for much, much less at my DC school

I am pleased to hear this my Dds are in their 20s -30s and when this kind of thing happened when they were in school it was brushed off as kids will be kids. They were touched squeezed sexually harassed,

I even had meetings with a form tutor because one of them was being harassed by a particular boy and when I suggested sexual harassment/assault the teacher scoffed at the idea.

Sorry that ended up an essay it's refreshing to see the climate is changing in schools.

Yes you're being unreasonable. His behaviour was inappropriate and is technically a sexual assault. I get teenagers muck about and his friend might not even have been upset about it but that's beside the point. If you do something like that in a lesson and you're seen by a teacher, you should expect to get punished. Would you feel differently if he'd smacked a female classmate on the bum?

He needs to learn that the issue isn't his intention, it's the perception of the other person and people who witness it.

The same applies a work when it comes to things like bullying and harassment policies. You may have intended to make a lighthearted funny joke, but if it is perceived as an offensive or bullying comment then that is what it will be judged on.

It's important that he learn to think about how his actions may affect other people and the possible consequences, as it stands he's had a very light punishment, he loses a small amount of time doing a detention, if he had done this to someone else they may have reported him to the police and he could have been faced with official investigations or charges.

Apologies if I missed that there was sexual attraction between these two - no, I’ve checked back and all the OP has said is that it was two boys who are friends. So that’s something you’ve just made up.

So one boy slaps his mate on the bum, and you’ve extrapolated quite a lot, both about this situation and me from that. You’re wrong about me (and are conflating different things IMO), who knows if you’re wrong about this as well.

He sexually assaulted the other student. He's lucky the police aren't involved.

Surely id the police were involved the " victim" ie his mate would have to make a complaint.

Still dangerous to be messing around in the science lab. . I got a detention at 11 for putting a dissected mouse down a classmates back

Apologies, I meant sexual assault not attraction. No idea why I typed the wrong word.

Regardless of the typo it's still not appropriate at all. It's not OK to do that even if they're mates.

You meant to put assault in this sentence rather than attraction? 🤔

”So you're saying if you're sexually attracted to someone it's ok just to go up and slap their bum?!?!”

No. I was marking a homework on magnets and had the wrong word in my head so typed the wrong word. Multi tasking.

Again. Irrelevant. It is still not OK to touch someone's bum!