If you severely fucked up have you managed to fix it

[confidenceboost]

I have made a right mess of my life and It feels so overwhelming to fix all of my shitty choices

Has anyone had severe fuck ups they have come back from

You can always come back from it.

Where are you starting from and where do you want to be?

Me! I had a very distorted view of the world and fucked up a good few times. I got counselling to process the why and reasoning which was very difficult due to various trauma and diagnosed PTSD. But so worth it.

I am a completely different person now. My past mistakes upsets me a lot though. I wake up feeling nauseous most mornings due to remorse.

I think it’s important to speak it through with a good counsellor (that you need to gel with!)

There are usually reasons why people fuck up. And it’s also important to want to change. And also be accountable for anything you’ve done.

💐 Things can change but it takes dedication and remember things are not “black and white” and that everyone makes mistakes and bad choices 💐

There are few mistakes which can’t be left in the past and overcome with acceptance, ownership, and determination to move forward differently. And ultimately, whilst many people labour under the misapprehension that their own mistakes and fuckups are somehow different or more complex than anyone else’s, most people’s mistakes and fuckups are broadly quite similar and there’s unlikely to be anything terribly special about yours which means you can’t move on from them just as other people have.

It might seem insurmountable, but you don’t have to fix everything at once. Pick one area of your life as it is which bothers you the most, or which you most wish were different. Begin there. Ask those around you for their love and support to help you do it - knowing that others are both there to hold you accountable but also rooting from you and urging you on can be some of the best encouragement.

Yes without outing myself I have probably fucked up more spectacularly than anyone else on planet Earth. You tend to find that no matter how bad you think it is, it is never so bad that there's no coming back.

Thank you for the gentle support
I have been Bed wridden for almost 3 months due to severe flare ups in my health
I lost my job because my boss told me to leave as I was off sick, I know it's unreasonable but it's left a big wound I gave my soul and I was off related to disabilities
I got a credit card and I'm impulsive as hell I have adhd and now because I don't work my Husband has to pay it and I feel shit
I fell apart last year and I spent the year going out and staying up so late although I have children , I feel so so bad
My husband and I are going to counselling and each day that he supports me I feel more and more remorseful
We had issues that led to my shit behaviour however I made those choices
I feel like a traitor
I wish I had more impulse control
Spending the last few months reflecting on my horrible behaviour

I worry about your last line - in what ways have you reflected?

Wallowing in self imposed isolation, or actually making plans to get out the hole you are in?

If it is the 1st then stop that today and start making plans. How TODAY are you going to go forward and improve things?

If it is the 2nd then that is great. We all have to take steps to fix the messes we make.

Make a time time of steps and tick them off as you make them

Cut up the credit card.
Give a heartfelt apology to your family, even write them a letter if that would be better. Tell them how much you appreciate them.

Get on the waiting list for therapy. Are you medicated for your ADHD?

Begin a hobby you can do from bed or consider studying to retrain in something you can do from home.

It is human nature to want to help and to believe the best in loved ones. If you apologise and show you are doing something to improve things then it will make a huge difference to not only your relationships but your self esteem.

Being bedridden and disabled is a trauma. You have to grieve the life you once had.

I don't think your life is beyond repair. And kindly, I know a lot of people who have actually screwed up their lives or are in horrendous situations.

You have a husband who is supporting you and a roof over your head. Begin by being grateful for those things and go from there.

You've got this :)

Thank you everyone for the support
I've been so god damn lonely
I am a pure extrovert but in the last three months I am wondering if I just mask all the time as someone Bonny and funny and kind and helpful
I love bomb everyone yes it's trauma I have so much trauma I was bed wridden in 2016 too
This is the closest I have ever ever felt to my husband and we are finally communicating how we used to before having our kids
I am young , 32 and can't cope with the idea of being chronically sick, again
I was relentless in my pursuit of health and I got back on my feet
It feels like an impossible mountain now
I have been attached to my husband at the hip but don't want to be overly anxious attached which I am
I am awaiting a formal diagnosis however my psychiatrist and counsellor both agree good to be diagnosed
I would comply with treatment
I wear a butrans patch and have to take tramadol for my back but I have been harsh with myself for a decade on it. With multiple cold turkey withdrawals which put me in a pit of shame and despair
I have had to take it daily for three months now and the prospect of coming off it fills me with dread
Husband has insisted I don't do my weird self harm style Cold turkey from shame
I need a bed hobby
I love to bake but my health is restricting my cooking and baking

@confidenceboost I saw this thing the other day that said in marriages it’s just two imperfect people who never give up on each other.

and also another stat that said 75% of divorced couples think in hindsight that their marriage could have been saved by better communication and therapy.

💐 it certainly helped me embrace my marriage.

I've always found that breaking things down and concentrating on small things at a time helps me get through "big" problems. When there's too much going on, the problems seem too huge to deal with so you can end up achieving nothing at all. Set yourself lots of little goals that are actually achievable in the short term. Forget the "big" stuff. Start chipping away at small things that you can actually do and you'll start to feel better and things will look clearer once you've done a few things and made some small achievements. However small/minor.

That is beautiful 🥹🥹🥹