Mother of bride messages about attending

[Teaandcoffee223]

My Dsis had an accident a few days ago and is awaiting surgery on her leg. Hopefully it's today. DSis was suppose to go on a hen weekend friday. She still thinks she can make it.
The mother of the bride keeps messaging saying that she will push her around, she's praying she can make it, saying that if anyone can come its my Dsis.
I don't feel this pressure from her is necessary because Dsis is going to feel bad when she can't make it because there's no way after big surgery and her being on a ton of painkillers that she's going to go to this hen thing.
They even said they would leave her in the house alone whilst they went out swimming. I don't think they are realising that my Dsis is going to struggle moving around the first few days even weeks as the cast will go over her knee. If she has a funny turn just 2 days after surgery and they leave her alone then what.
I feel like they should just be giving words of encouragement to get better and that it's no pressure of Dsis if she can't attend.
Dsis has her hopes up and mother of bride is feeding them.
Aubu to 1. Be concerned and 2. Be annoyed that she's having this unnecessary pressure put on her

No.

She must not be left alone.

She may need help going to the loo - and what if she falls?

She may have a reaction to meds etc.

Pissed people are not capable of taking care of an injured post surgery person.

You're all adults. Use your words and say No.

State that she needs peace and quiet, caring and observation to promote her healing after a traumatic experience.

What does your sister say to all of this? Surely she will take your advice on board and not go? The drs will advise this also no doubt. Why is the MOB so insistent that she comes? Why does it matter if she doesn't make it

The hen place is about 1 hr from home so not local.
She's been told this afternoon she isn't having a cast and instead having a metal frame with metal pins coming out of her leg.
Dsis is vulnerable due to MH issues and other things.
Dsis is friends with the bride and they are no family relation.
We will see what Dsis is like when she comes round, hopefully she will realise then that she needs to rest

Massive drip feed!!

Personally, I'd phone the MoB and tell her your sister is not coming, end of discussion so no more messages. Your sister physical health and well being is what's important now so there is no way she can attend the hen do.

Saying "You have to come! I'll push you around myself! Wouldn't be the same without you!" is just what people say, surely? And if your dsis can't go, no doubt they'll be a string of cry emoji and "we're so sad!!" messages. I think you may be taking normal (if a little dramatic) social behaviour too seriously.

Presumably your DSIS is an adult and can decide for herself! Leave her to it.

She'll struggle to even wash or get to the loo.

Those xfix frames are used when the fracture is complex. Your DSis will likely be in surgery for several hours & might well stil be in hospital come Friday! A hen weekend is the last thing she will need! I would be surprised if she still wants to go after shes been through surgery & dealing with the reality of the ex-fix frame.

I had (a second) surgery on my hand last weekend and it’s knocked my socks off. The painkillers have me slurring words and constantly drowsy. Two days after surgery I was still recovering from a general anaesthetic. There’s literally no way, I want to be anywhere other than home. Even this week I’m struggling!

However you can only advise. I think her answer will be very different after surgery.

It's is wholly unrealistic that she attends a hen do after major surgery. I doubt she will feel anywhere near up to it so it will hopefully become a non-issue come the weekend, but the pressure the MOB is putting on her is very unfair.

Picture this, your DSis is whacked out on painkillers with an X-fix on her leg. She is surrounded by people whose priority is someone else's fun/happiness (i.e. the bride's) and quite possibly drunk half the time (and offering to wheel her around?!). You say it's a weekend? So they're staying somewhere? How is she going to bathe herself, get herself to the loo, get up stairs? These are all things that will be incredibly difficult and painful right after surgery, and they won't even be there the whole time!

She needs to be around people who will prioritise her wellbeing in those first few days after the surgery. And, not to be melodramatic, but blood clots and pulmonary embolisms are something that you have to look out for and take very seriously after long bone surgery (personal experience) - she needs to be sober, responsible people.

My DH had major surgery on his leg. He was in hospital for 5 days after surgery and had to be signed off by OT before release. He had a drain into the leg which also had to be removed.

He was in a frame afterwards, could barely move around and had to be injected daily to prevent blood clots. He also had a funny turn from the morphine when home which required a check from paramedics.

If she is having major surgery she isn't doing anything energetic for atheist 4 weeks...

My dh did this 5 weeks before our wedding. He was on crutches and a wheelchair on the day and high as a kite on the medication just to get him through the day.

I wish your sister luck with her surgery and a speedy recovery

Use your words and say No.

What is OP saying no to? No one is asking her anything and her Dsis doesn’t need her permission to do anything

If it's a trauma injury resulting in surgery (or a fracture) then there is no way she'll be going anywhere. Even if it was just the ankle it would be too difficult. She may not even be discharged yet from hospital?
I was in an ortho trauma ward for 5 weeks and the minimum someone was there following lower limb surgery was about 9 days. Some were there for a month.
With all the wishful thinking in the world she won't be medically capable.

If your sister is capable of going to the hen do then she is capable of making her own decisions. I’d just keep out of it, if she’s in a lot of pain she will soon realise she can’t go.

Totally depends. Dm is 70 and had an accident that meant surgery on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day she was fine - on pain relief and sitting with her leg elevated while we cooked Christmas dinner and waited on her - she was sat enjoying chatting to everyone. Your dsis might be fine.

Totally depends. DM would have been fine so long as she could keep her leg up despite 5 broken bones and lots of pins.

Why are you getting involved. Unless your DSis is not of an age to make her own decisions in life, stay out of it. "I" would probably attend, if my DSis wanted to go, I'd try to move heaven and earth to help her do so.

This. If your DSis was saying she couldn't make it and was getting messages like that from the MoB then I'd be with you. But it sounds more like your DSis is:saying she will/really wants to make it, and do the hens and MoB are trying to send positive and encouraging messages supporting her, including her and trying to find a way for it to work for her.

I agree that it's v unlikely she'll be going but I'm not sure anyone's doing anything wrong here (at the moment anyway!!).

If your sister is saying that she wants to go, then the MOB is just trying to be supportive. It probably doesn’t feel very kind for her to tell your sister that she’s not wanted at the hen do if she needs help because no one is willing to provide it for her.

If you’re in hospital with her ask the consultant directly about the weekend trip in front of her. As well as time to get over the anaesthetic she will need to take care about infection in those screws.

Recovery from the surgery more important than anything including any wedding.... Any family member or friend understand that.

Tell the medical team of these (harebrained) plans and get their opinion. Maybe DSis will listen to them.

@TeenLifeMum yeah, it does depend. If the persons in a cast it's actually a bit easier as the healing area is protected.
But there's a chance they will not even be discharged. And it could be awful for their recovery if they did fall or hurt it again so soon.

A little anecdote, and somewhat outing, but what the hell. My XH had a hip replacement. He stupidly went out only a couple of days after being discharged, whilst he was still on crutches, and had a few drinks. He then proceeded to fall down a very small flight of stairs (I think maybe 3 stairs up towards the loos) and managed to not only completely fuck up his new hip (the long part that went down his femur with the replacement hip ball at the top of it actually splintered out of his leg) which needed completely redoing, but ended up in ICU due to a punctured lung and excessive bleeding (suspect he was still on prophylactic blood thinners).

Be this a cautionary tale.

You could message this woman and say
Dsis has been advised that IF she is discharged home on Friday she will not be in a cast but a frame.
She will need daily injections to avoid blood clots and help with other medications, help washing, will need someone to escort her to the loo for 4-5 days, and bring her all her meals and drinks as she obviously can't carry anything with crutches. She will need her own bed [not shared] with additional support pillows.
Lastly, she needs to have her temperature taken every 6 hours and someone sober enough to drive her to hospital if there is a rise in temperature or other contraindications of sepsis or clots.

I appreciate you would all like to see her there but she is up to her eyeballs on painkillers at the moment. It would be more helpful [unless you can commit the support above] if you could make it clear that her first priority is to get well so she can attend the wedding and it is not her fault that she can't attend the hen.