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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Handhold - man keeps coming to the flat

11 replies

discocherry · 03/03/2025 23:34

Hello,

posting for traffic. Since Christmas a man (obviously drunk, on drugs, mentally unwell etc) has come to our property several times. Our flat is quite distinctive looking on a main road. He shouts incoherently and rings the buzzers/bangs on the door. he also pretended (unconvincingly) to be from DPD to our downstairs neighbour.

I woke up at 10:15pm to go to the loo and heard him shouting incoherently and then ringing the buzzer. Phoned 999, by the time the police got here he was gone as usual and they just checked the garden and said to phone back if he comes back. My boyfriend and our two flatmates are in and we’ve put a wedge and a chair to reinforce our flat door but I literally cannot get to sleep at all. The only other time he’s come when I’ve been in, he left and came back again so I honestly just feel like he’s bound to be back tonight.

I don’t know if he has a fixation with the property or what. The downstairs flat has a conservatory that leads onto the foyer type area and he could so easily smash through that (single glazing). He’d then still have to get through our flat door but still.

I’ve got work in the morning 😭 I work with one of my flatmates but he’s managed to sleep through the whole thing so far!

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 03/03/2025 23:38

Is he getting into the block of flats or specifically getting into your flat?
Could he be a previous resident or have an ex who used to live there and keeps returning because of this?

I know it’s distressing but you’re not alone, you’ve tried to block the door and you’ve phoned the police. Try and rest for tonight.

Sleepington · 03/03/2025 23:39

No wonder you are unsettled.

If he does return, and as all four of you are in tonight, would it be worthwhile sending the two guys down to the door to tell him to leave and not return as the police are on their way to arrest him? I don't know if the druggie is too out of it to take this info in? Alternatively they could keep him talking while the two of you upstairs call the police but realistically it could take hours for the police to arrive.

discocherry · 03/03/2025 23:40

Lostworlds · 03/03/2025 23:38

Is he getting into the block of flats or specifically getting into your flat?
Could he be a previous resident or have an ex who used to live there and keeps returning because of this?

I know it’s distressing but you’re not alone, you’ve tried to block the door and you’ve phoned the police. Try and rest for tonight.

He’s just coming to the main outside door - it’s like a massive house split into two flats. I don’t know if he has any links here.

Thank you, that’s reassuring. It was just terrifying being on the phone to the police as he was shouting and pressing the buzzer but he did fuck off pretty quickly and it’s not like he’s sneaking around at least. I just can’t relax and stop shaking at all. Maybe that sounds silly but I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

OP posts:
discocherry · 03/03/2025 23:42

Sleepington · 03/03/2025 23:39

No wonder you are unsettled.

If he does return, and as all four of you are in tonight, would it be worthwhile sending the two guys down to the door to tell him to leave and not return as the police are on their way to arrest him? I don't know if the druggie is too out of it to take this info in? Alternatively they could keep him talking while the two of you upstairs call the police but realistically it could take hours for the police to arrive.

Edited

To be fair to the police they turned up in about 20 mins before, the call handler put it on immediate dispatch.

I thought this - my DP is 6 foot 4 and I think could definitely see him off although he’s more tall and slim than built! But I don’t know if I want any of us to engage with him in case that makes it worse.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 03/03/2025 23:46

Get a ring doorbell so Police can see him and have evidence of shouting, banging etc

discocherry · 03/03/2025 23:49

BMW6 · 03/03/2025 23:46

Get a ring doorbell so Police can see him and have evidence of shouting, banging etc

Yes we’ll order one tomorrow I think.

OP posts:
deeahgwitch · 10/03/2025 08:44

Has the man returned @discocherry ?

SnoopysHoose · 10/03/2025 10:22

So he's out in the street, you're with 3 other ppl, he's never attempted to enter yet you're terrified?
Switch the buzzer off at night.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2025 10:25

SnoopysHoose · Today 10:22

So he's out in the street, you're with 3 other ppl, he's never attempted to enter yet you're terrified?
Switch the buzzer off at night

There’s always one …..

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2025 10:27

It sounds unsettling and its good that The Police came so quickly but you don't know this man is dangerous and he hasn't actually got into the building let alone your flat.
Its a good idea to get a Ring and to be cautious but given the circumstances and the fact that you don't live alone at worst the situation is annoying and is disturbing your peace.
Hopefully it won't get any worse but for now it sounds like you are safe

SnoopysHoose · 10/03/2025 19:50

@MrsSkylerWhite
I'm pointing out the facts, OP is being unnecessarily dramatic.
I started reading thinking she was alone not with a couple of burly men and in a secure building.

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