To be annoyed at DP for spending evenings alone

[Pinkdreams]

My partner works full time, I am on maternity with our 10 month old (due back to work soon). On work days my partner comes home has dinner and goes upstairs to his computer, which on work days I do understand you need down time, however it's also days off once it hits around 6pm he will retire upstairs to his computer, our DD doesn't go to bed until 10 (late I know but any earlier she is on and off all night). AIBU to be annoyed that he does that rather than helping me or wanting to spend the evening together? Tonight my mother has DD and he came from work, had dinner and retired upstairs. I'm not sure if I'm just jealous I don't get down time or if others would be annoyed.

You need to talk to him and find out what's going on. He's completely disengaged from his marriage and child.

This is what my ex dh used to do, he used to have a “man cave” and spent all his time in it. Totally selfish, especially with young dc. Note he’s now an ex!

Dh of 15 years does enjoy gaming etc from time to time but we’ve got the ps5 in the main living room and so we’re always all around each other and have to share the tv.

Why do you allow it? Take the baby up to him and go out,

Other half enjoys gaming but I will say he will never turn it on till the four little ones are asleep usually about 7:30 and if they play up or cry out he will shoot upstairs and pause whatever he is doing unless I shout out it's fine I've got it lol. I don't mind I get to watch my tv series in peace or read which he isn't into but 3 evenings a week we choose not to have tv or games on and just chingwag aswell so it's balanced

That's really mean of him. Did he want to have a child?
Do you do anything together? What happens in the daytime at the weekend?

What did he say when you talked to him about it?

What will happen when you go back to work and you come home.... will you get to fuck off and do your own thing every evening as well?

How exactly is it going to work when you are back at work OP? And do you get downtime now?

Why on earth are you tolerating this?
You have been forced into default parent.

He has no interest in you or the baby.
Huge mistake having a baby with such a selfish man.

Start putting your foot down.
Your poor daughter.
Selfish shit partner and a shit father.
Stop tolerating this.

He's completely disengaged from his marriage and child.

This. So sorry to read this OP. It's cruel and you will get over this. Don't pander to him.

Mine was the same, I divorced him (and life was so much better, even as a solo parent).

Wishing you strength. Put all your energy into you and your child and both of your future.

Yes DD was planned. He does work a lot, when he is off we will go out and spend time as a family but this is usually once a week depending on overtime

This has been an ongoing conversation, things change then after a month or so it's back to how it was, I'm kind of fed up keep having the same conversation

Huge mistake having a baby with such a selfish man.

Cruel thing to say and many a man turn 180 degrees upon becoming a parent.

Please don't blame her for not having a crystal ball into the future.

No I don't get any downtime at all, unless my mother takes SD for a night which she does once a month or so, if I'm ill she'll help and have her so I can rest, if we're going through a sleep regression and she isn't sleeping at night DP will have her whilst I nap in the day. I get to wash my hair once a week when he is off, if I wanted to go out to get my hair or nails done or something he wouldn't say no I know that 100%

Did he do this before you had a baby?

What does he say when you talk to him about it?

Well, I would be very upset that he doesn't want to spend his evenings with you and his baby. He hasn't seen you both all day and should want to spend time with you!

I would not have allowed this situation to develop in the first place. He now seems to think you're ok with him shutting himself away. You need to change things up - tell him he needs to watch the baby while you have a bath or nip out to the shops. He also needs to do his fair share of putting baby to bed - he is her parent too so it shouldn't all fall to you.

You need to talk to him about spending time together in the evenings, can you try and get your little one to bed and little earlier so that you have a bit of time together as a couple?