to ask why am I always getting accused ?

[littlemoonspistachio]

a few examples...

Back in my school days we had an over seas trip arranged. Ahead of the trip, a teacher casually walked past me and my friends and said ''littlemoons we need to sort your visa and passport before the trip''. I was confused as it was a british school and i had a britsh passport having been born in UK and lived there all my life. My friends persisted for days asking what it was about, I said no idea (the teacher had clearly got the wrong pupil). They called me a liar for weeks so I told them I had a foreign passport. Afterall, that is what they wanted to hear. They found out it was a lie and never spoke to me again. We were 14. Losing your friends at 14 is soul destroying.

Out for dinner with Dh and DC, one DC has an eating disorder. Dh and DC all order dessert. DH & DC then accuse me of making pig sounds at them and pig snorting noises while they eat dessert to imply they are all greedy. I have never done that in my life and wouldn't dare to that to anyone ever let alone DC with eating issues. And I don't inadvertently snore when I laugh. To this day they all still say I did this.

Colleague at work once asked me If I still dip my biscuits into my chocolate slim fast shake. I have never had a slimfast shake in my life.

At school and I'm sitting on a desk with a row of chairs in front of me followed by a line of people standing in front of the chairs. No one had been sitting on the chairs, they were all standing up, along with most of the class. I wrapped my legs around a chair to pull it towards me to rest my feet on. A few seconds later one of the girls standing goes to sit on the chairs, assuming it is still there behind her, and gets injured as she falls. I am accused of purposely pulling the chair away from her. I could not have possibly known she was going to sit down.

There are others, but these mostly stick to mind,

anyone else resonate ?

To be perfectly honest, no.

Moving the chair wasn’t very helpful, poor girl.

The rest of the issues you describe sound like the offending person was attempting to be funny, and failed. You should have shrugged it off, instead of getting upset, and still bearing a grudge.

You’re obviously sensitive, particularly as you can recall events from your schooldays, in such a negative way.

Try and think about happy and positive things from work, school and family life instead. 💐

@27Maisie27 the chair was not in use and had not been in use for the entire lesson. How would I know that the second I move it she would then decide to sit down when no one else was sitting down ?

I do focus on the negative, I am angry at being accused of things I did not do Nothing triggers me more than this. Maybe it is because of all the past accusations.

Chatting to DH the other night, DC repeatedly asking me a question while I was talking, In-between talking to DH, I answered DC 3 times (just needed a one word answer) yet DH & DC accuse me of ignoring DC and not answering, I said the answer 3 ruddy times !

DC repeatedly asking me a question while I was talking,

You're raising these children?, teach them not to interrupt when someone's speaking... maybe then they will hear the answer (because it's not hidden by other chatter) and no accusations will flow.

Either your DH and ds are gaslighting you for some reason or you're having some sort of weird hallucinations. None of these are normal experiences

Could you be on the spectrum, op? I am and I often have trouble working out if people are joking or not. I the end, I found it's easier just not to speak most of the time and agree with people just so they leave me alone. Neurotypical people are not very understanding most of the time, especially teenage ones.

Feet on chairs in public is horrendous.

I’m pretty sure not being able to get past minor injustices in the past is a sign of something, I’m sure someone else would be able to confirm.

The passport thing was a simple mistake by the teacher and could've been sorted with a phone call from one of your parents.

The pig noise thing is a bit baffling to be honest.

The Slimfast thing I would've forgotten as complete non event (same as the passport thing once my parents had spoken to the teacher).

The chair thing was just childish stupidity as you knew she could've chosen to sit down at any moment.

All in all (apart from the weird pig thing) they're just normal life non events.

They all sound extremely odd to me, essentially the pig noises. And the slimfast, I would've asked her when it was and insisted I hadn't.

The passport thing was a mistake on teachers part and your 'friends' were being arse holes to you and probably used it as an excuse to stop being friends because they weren't very nice people.

The pig thing is weird, maybe a joke but it's not funny.

The colleague made a mistake it's not deep.

The school chair again just kids being arses.

I was bullied/ left out a lot in school I remember once having a bag and some kids teasing me about it. I was fed up so I gave it to my friend to hold. My friend was pretty popular, whilst she was holding it two or three kids complimented her on it. I realised it wasn't the bag it was me,I was never right in the eyes of my peers.

I think it sounds a bit like what have seen mentioned here, rejection sensitive dysphoria? I may be wrong as definitely not in the field of diagnosis, but these are unusual things to hold on to for so long.
In regards to the chair, am unsure how you couldn't have seen that she was planning to sit, given she would have had to be directly in front of it and you would also have been so close!

It sounds like you are sometimes missing some of the social cues and norms and other people are not getting this about you. Work on the sensitivity and ask dh and dc to tell you factually but gently when there is something you are missing, and then you can consider what they are saying and decide whether to adapt your approach.

It sounds like you are still holding grudges for some unfair things that happened many years ago! Have you tried some counselling to talk about them?

@littlemoonspistachio

You clearly have a tendency to fixate on what you describe as false accusations.

The ones you describe are all odd little misunderstandings that have been blown out of proportion, by you.

Instead of just letting the passport thing go, you decided to lie to your friends. You felt uncomfortable in the situation and made it worse.

The colleague who incorrectly remembered something, so be it. If you know it wasn't you then let it go, you don't need to convince anyone else.

The chair was your fault, but presumably no one has accused you of intentionally harming a child, rather that it was odd that you didn't think of it. The fact that you are trying to convince people that it was impossible to predict what happened is the strange thing.
Most people would have quickly mentioned that they were removing a chair for the very reason that it's actually not difficult to predict.

They called me a liar for weeks so I told them I had a foreign passport. Afterall, that is what they wanted to hear.

It's a very weird response you had to lie about it. Also weird to fixate on the Slimfast thing as if it's an accusation, it's really a non-event. The chair thing - clearly someone is going to be pissed off that the chair was moved so they hurt themselves. It's nothing deep about your character the way you're reading into it. As for the stuff with your family, god knows what the misunderstandings are but I think it's become too much of a thing in your head like a persecution complex. Maybe your DH and DC dynamic is to gang up on mum to get a reaction or maybe it's genuine confusions and you're reading too much into it, who can say. But if you see yourself as someone who's 'always getting accused' based on this kind of stuff dredged up from long ago, then you're more likely to over-react.

The passport thing can be explained away as kids being weird. I had peers fixate on random things too, it was absurd.

One student was convinced I had hooked up with Jesse McCartney the singer. Then it got around we had secretly married.... I was 14 in NZ and he was famous in America. lol

They wouldn't let it go, so in the end I went along with it.

The pig noises thing to me actually feels a little bit sinister. Has there been any instances where you feel like your DH has been trying to get between your relationship with DC. That feels like a bit of a common theme, even in the other example.

I'm not as quick as PP to write off that he may be doing this on purpose. Children are also easily convinced they heard something they didn't, if he is insisting on it.

The chair thing was an unfortunate mistake on your part. Although you couldn't have known, you shouldn't put your feet on chairs outside your home.

I don't think it's weird you are fixating on these things because injustice and being falsely accused is really upsetting. But I also wonder whether you are sensitive to it due to a wider crazy making/gaslighting DH.

Why are you fixating on a small number of non-events spread out across decades? Odd things happen to us all from time to time. Doesn’t mean you are serially persecuted.

I've been accused of all sorts. When I was about four I was horribly beaten by a friend's dad in front of a whole group of kids when they blamed some minor indiscretion on me personally. I was totally innocent. Same age I was slapped by another kid's mum after her son lied that I picked a flower from her garden.

At school I was always seen as the ring leader in any wrongdoing. The head teacher accused me of writing a poison pen letter to one of my best friends. It was written on an Apple Mac computer. My family never owned a computer. One girl who hated my friend had one in her room. But she wasn't accused because she wasn't 'different'.

I feel like I've been unfairly persecuted for my entire life. But that's partly a symptom of my mental health problems. As well as maybe a cause.

It makes me quite defensive, secretive and very stubborn. Which is quite sad really as they are horrible traits.

I feel sad for the posters on here who bear grudges for years about (anecdotally) minor issues, and those who think that they are not worthy, feel left out, think they are 'not good enough' - it breaks my heart, and if one of my DC came home and said these things, I would endeavour to encourage them to draw a line under it, after talking it out.