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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make friends with my child’s teacher?

25 replies

Sharrison88 · 03/03/2025 17:06

Just wanted some opinions please 😃

my child’s (year one primary school) teacher is due to go on maternity leave soon and we have struck quite a ‘friendship/bond’ (can’t think of the right word but lots of chatting at drop off/pick up etc). I have two children myself and we seem to have a lot in common. This is her first baby and she has asked for my advice on certain (baby related) topics. I was going to suggest meeting for a coffee when she goes off on mat leave (she is new ish to the area and so not many friends in the area).

but now I’m feeling is it awkward to suggest that? I would have to suggest swapping numbers/following on Instagram to keep in touch and now wondering if that’s pushing boundaries?

any advice please 🙂

you are not being unreasonable. - to suggest coffee

you are being unreasonable - definitely don’t suggest that

OP posts:
FullFiveFathom · 03/03/2025 17:14

I don’t really know if this is a weird thing to do or not tbh but I wouldn’t personally and I don’t think it would occur to anyone I know to do it either. Can you not make friends with one of the other parents instead?

Disco2022 · 03/03/2025 17:17

Teachers need friends too! Assuming she won't be your child's teacher next year- I can't see anything issue. Friends who are having babies at the same time are always good.

Disco2022 · 03/03/2025 17:17

Urgh ANY issue

hoarahloux · 03/03/2025 17:18

Nothing stopping you from suggesting it! She might appreciate it, she might not want to blur the boundaries. However if she's about to go on mat leave, she won't be teaching your son again, right? He'll be in year 2 by the time she comes back? I think that makes it more acceptable. If she's going to be teaching him again, don't.

MumonabikeE5 · 03/03/2025 17:18

She won’t be your kids teacher anymore. I can’t see the issue.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/03/2025 17:19

It's weird.
I don't think you should do it

3teens2cats · 03/03/2025 17:19

I would expect her to politely decline. Teachers are expected to maintain a professional relationship with parents. Obviously if she is not returning to the school or you know her in another capacity other than your child's teacher then maybe that's different.

Job2Do · 03/03/2025 17:19

You could leave the ball in her court. So offer to keep in touch/give advice and give her your mobile number. Then if she wants to keep in touch she can. If she doesn’t message then leave it. But it’ll be up to her this way. Just be like “if you need anything here’s my number!”

Gogogo12345 · 03/03/2025 17:23

3teens2cats · 03/03/2025 17:19

I would expect her to politely decline. Teachers are expected to maintain a professional relationship with parents. Obviously if she is not returning to the school or you know her in another capacity other than your child's teacher then maybe that's different.

Yeah my sons headteacher I knew before he was even born. She had also taught my daughter but I got to know her from out of school. And DS got quite used to her being "Jane" in social situations and "Mrs x " at school

FullFiveFathom · 03/03/2025 17:26

I think it’s very different when you already know them outside of school.

GoodGollyMissDolly · 03/03/2025 17:33

I’m a teacher who’s made friends with a couple of mum’s whose children I’ve taught - if you click, you click! My only caveat was that the child I taught had to be their youngest so there wasn’t a risk of my teaching their kid in the future. Though having said that, I’m so old now I have taught the kids’ if friends and it was ok - I say go for it!

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/03/2025 17:38

Job2Do · 03/03/2025 17:19

You could leave the ball in her court. So offer to keep in touch/give advice and give her your mobile number. Then if she wants to keep in touch she can. If she doesn’t message then leave it. But it’ll be up to her this way. Just be like “if you need anything here’s my number!”

Edited

Straightforward and simple. Do this.

Original poster
Sharrison88 · 03/03/2025 17:52

GoodGollyMissDolly · 03/03/2025 17:33

I’m a teacher who’s made friends with a couple of mum’s whose children I’ve taught - if you click, you click! My only caveat was that the child I taught had to be their youngest so there wasn’t a risk of my teaching their kid in the future. Though having said that, I’m so old now I have taught the kids’ if friends and it was ok - I say go for it!

Thanks for your advice from a teacher perspective! @GoodGollyMissDolly she teaches my eldest so there is a possibility she would teach my youngest if he happened to be put in her class in a couple of years…

we just click and she’s local. I don’t necessarily ‘need’ any more friends but I like her and I think we would get on. I have the feeling she is anxious about being a new parent (she’s late thirties, I am same age but already have two kids) and I feel like it would be nice to keep in Touch!

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 03/03/2025 17:52

If this is your youngest child then maybe - though I still think it's slightly odd and might put her in an uncomfortable situation. If there's a chance a younger child might have her as a teacher then I'd let it go.

Original poster
Sharrison88 · 03/03/2025 18:10

Thanks everyone for your advice! I haven’t ever been in a situation with any other teachers/pre school teachers as I didn’t ’click’ with them and wouldn’t have any reason to.

Just want to make it clear I don’t feel the need to follow teachers on instagram on a normal scenario 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharrison88 · 03/03/2025 18:31

FullFiveFathom · 03/03/2025 17:14

I don’t really know if this is a weird thing to do or not tbh but I wouldn’t personally and I don’t think it would occur to anyone I know to do it either. Can you not make friends with one of the other parents instead?

Thanks for your reply @FullFiveFathom Well it’s not really that it occurs to me to befriend any other teachers or that I need to make friends with other parents it’s just this particular ‘click’ that I have formed with this particular person. I suppose I should probably leave it 🤔

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 04/03/2025 10:07

GoodGollyMissDolly · 03/03/2025 17:33

I’m a teacher who’s made friends with a couple of mum’s whose children I’ve taught - if you click, you click! My only caveat was that the child I taught had to be their youngest so there wasn’t a risk of my teaching their kid in the future. Though having said that, I’m so old now I have taught the kids’ if friends and it was ok - I say go for it!

What's the issue with teaching that e child of a friend?

Original poster
Sharrison88 · 05/03/2025 22:39

Thanks for your replies! On reflection I think I will leave it in case it creates an awkward situation where she says no to exchanging numbers because of rules. It is a shame as I think we would get on really well otherwise.

OP posts:
Chimummy73 · 05/03/2025 22:53

Aw no don’t leave it honestly! My 3 DS grew up in a rural village school so we all knew the teachers in and out of school. One of my best pals went back into supply teaching and took my youngest, he did find it odd at the time as she was often round our house plus we’d all even holidayed together. When I was at school our Latin teacher had 2 daughters whose classes she taught- to me that is much more odd?!
Give her a card with good wishes and contact details when she goes on Mat leave and that leaves the ball in her court x

DoodleSquad · 05/03/2025 23:01

This is the 3rd thread about this I've seen for you. Frustrating!

cherish123 · 05/03/2025 23:05

Don't

Original poster
Sharrison88 · 05/03/2025 23:10

DoodleSquad · 05/03/2025 23:01

This is the 3rd thread about this I've seen for you. Frustrating!

Why does this frustrate you? I posted the same post on 3 different message boards to reach different audiences to get replies? I got different replies, have made a decision and thanked people for their replies. Don’t understand why this bothers you?!

OP posts:
DoodleSquad · 05/03/2025 23:23

@Sharrison88
Most people post multiple threads on the same subject as they don't like what they are being advised on their original post.

I see you have received and taken heed of advice from posters and therefore I bid you good night.

(edited to delete duplication of 2 words in 1st sentence)

Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 14:25

Sharrison88 · 05/03/2025 22:39

Thanks for your replies! On reflection I think I will leave it in case it creates an awkward situation where she says no to exchanging numbers because of rules. It is a shame as I think we would get on really well otherwise.

So how come you’ve just started an identical thread asking the same question?!

Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 14:26

DoodleSquad · 05/03/2025 23:23

@Sharrison88
Most people post multiple threads on the same subject as they don't like what they are being advised on their original post.

I see you have received and taken heed of advice from posters and therefore I bid you good night.

(edited to delete duplication of 2 words in 1st sentence)

Edited

Very odd isn’t it

makes me think this teacher might be better off without the offer

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