Getting married, feeling guilty I used to smoke

Tricho · 03/03/2025 16:27

I'd say your propensity for anxiety is your bigger problem as this isn't normal.

Thisismetooaswell · 03/03/2025 16:28

There's absolutely nothing you can do about it now and you've done the best thing possible by stopping and now keeping yourself fit. Don't spoil this happy time by worrying about something you can't change. Enjoy your wedding

Misaster · 03/03/2025 16:29

Are you planning on having any children OP? Because to be feeling guilty about this would indicate that parenthood is going to be particularly difficult for you

TobaccoFlower · 03/03/2025 16:29

You never know. Late dh never smoked and died young. My grandfather smoked roll ups til he died at 91. (Not of lung disease.) It just depends on your genes.
I'm not saying smoking isn't harmful by the way, just that it's not a foregone conclusion you'll die young. Many people smoked when younger.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 03/03/2025 16:30

There's nothing you can do about it. Enjoy your life today.

Boomer55 · 03/03/2025 16:32

You feel guilty? I’d really just jog on with the here and now. No one can change the past. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 16:33

Thanks guys! I think you’re right about the anxiety! Much appreciated.

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Togglebullets · 03/03/2025 16:34

My husband smoked til his mid thirties, it's never occurred to us to worry about this at all.

35965a · 03/03/2025 16:36

You could get struck by lightning today 🤷‍♀️ getting old is not promised to anyone. So ditch the guilt - the important thing is that you have now quit!

TreesWelliesKnees · 03/03/2025 16:37

I thought once you stopped your risk goes right down with every year that then passes?

I agree, anxiety is more likely to cause problems than this.

Comedycook · 03/03/2025 16:41

My friends grandmother is well into her nineties now and has smoked like a chimney her entire life...my own grandfather smoked constantly for decades and lived well Into his eighties. It's obviously better not to smoke but it's no guarantee. Plenty of people don't smoke at all and don't have long lives. This is definitely your anxiety talking op.

Supperlite · 03/03/2025 16:41

Perhaps Google the benefits of quitting smoking. You may be reassured that, if it’s a decade in your youth (like my DH!) then research has shown that your body recovers remarkably well when you quit. Indeed after having quit for 15 years, your chance of heart attack is the same as someone who has never smoked.

If you’re still worrying, perhaps speak to your DH to talk through your feelings. Presumably he knows you used to smoke and is willing to take a view on the “risk”.

I would also agree with PP that this seems to be a little more anxious than usual, so it might be worth speaking to a therapist about it.

SoulMole · 03/03/2025 16:43

As per pp... "After one year, your risk of a heart attack is roughly half that of a smoker. After 10 years, your risk of lung cancer is significantly reduced, nearing that of someone who never smoked."

cramptramp · 03/03/2025 16:45

My mum smoked like a chimney. She lived an average age and died from something unrelated to smoking.

Original poster

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 16:49

Ah guys. Thanks so much - for the stats and personal experiences. Definitely taking away from this that I need to chat to my GP about anxiety as this has been keeping me up at night! Massive thanks for your perspectives.

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5128gap · 03/03/2025 16:50

You are not used to being this happy and life looking good, and your brain is trying to take you to the place it knows, where you're anxious and dealing with something difficult. You may find you do this a lot while you get used to your new state of happiness. Try to remember that this is what's happening and keep things in perspective.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 03/03/2025 16:51

Congratulations for giving up smoking I'm smoking a cigarette right now and best of luck for your wedding 💐.

UnctuousUnicorns · 03/03/2025 16:55

My dad smoked 60 a day before he got married, gave it up as he knew his wages would be needed for Mum's and his new home, as well as bringing up their children. He wouldn't be much use as a coughing, puffing father either. That was 58 years ago! He's 83 now.

You've ditched the fags and given your health a massive boost. Now you just need to ditch the guilt. You can't change your past, just look after your health for your - all being well - long future. Congratulations on your wedding, may your marriage be long and happy. 🙏 ☘️ 🙂

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/03/2025 17:18

Your anxiety and guilt are guilt are interfering with you enjoying the present. You deserve the happiness you have now and don't need to sabotage it. All best wishes to you and your lovely fiancé.

WinterSun20 · 03/03/2025 17:26

I'd say this is an anxiety issue. Try re framing it, instead of feeling guilty for having smoked in the first place, feel proud that you kicked a decade long habit and as a consequence, significantly improved your overall health.

Original poster

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 17:31

Misaster · 03/03/2025 16:29

Are you planning on having any children OP? Because to be feeling guilty about this would indicate that parenthood is going to be particularly difficult for you

Yes we have been TTC and this is a really helpful point. Thank you!

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Original poster

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 17:33

WinterSun20 · 03/03/2025 17:26

I'd say this is an anxiety issue. Try re framing it, instead of feeling guilty for having smoked in the first place, feel proud that you kicked a decade long habit and as a consequence, significantly improved your overall health.

Thank you @WinterSun20 - that’s a really positive way to reframe things.

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Bluh · 03/03/2025 17:33

This is extremely abnormal thinking. Do please see a doctor and let them know how you’re feeling

Original poster

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 17:35

TobaccoFlower · 03/03/2025 16:29

You never know. Late dh never smoked and died young. My grandfather smoked roll ups til he died at 91. (Not of lung disease.) It just depends on your genes.
I'm not saying smoking isn't harmful by the way, just that it's not a foregone conclusion you'll die young. Many people smoked when younger.

Very sorry to hear about your DH, @tobaccoflower and thank you for sharing this that was super kind.

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bettydavieseyes · 03/03/2025 17:40

SunnyLemon · 03/03/2025 16:25

Hi ladies,

I’m in my late thirties and getting married in 6 weeks. I am so looking forward to my wedding and it’s all planned and going to be lovely.

However… I smoked for ten years and gave up when I was 33. Lots of reasons for doing it - sadly a lot due to childhood trauma and poor coping mechanisms. Gratefully I have now had lots of therapy and I am sure that contributed me to meeting my amazing fiancée.

Recently I have felt really guilty that I smoked and that I may have shortened my life. I’m sad for my younger self that I may have stolen my own happiest years.

He keeps talking about how sweet it will be when we are old together and I caveat it with, well I hope we will but if for some reason I don’t, I want us to have enjoyed our time together and for him to go on to be happy. Obviously, I very much hope we grow old together and this is a downer given we are literally just getting married! I have made a real effort to stay healthy and fit since quitting, and am in good shape.

Has anyone else felt this way and how did you navigate it, if so?

Thank you for your thoughts x

I smoked from the age of 12 until 31. I have vaped ever since (14 years this year). I do know that lungs repair themselves within (at the latest) 10 years. I don't want to get into a vaping debate but I've never been healthier and my lungs are fine despite all those years as a smoker. I had 2 healthy kids in my mid 30's. You will have a full and happy life in all likelihood and your chances of a smoking related desease will decrease every year until you're at the same risk as a non smoker.