I never thought I'd say, think or type this but when I pictured pregnancy, I thought I'd have the odd symptom and then a glowy 2nd trimester but I don't, I don't "do" pregnancy well at all.
7 years trying, 8 miscarriages, no medical explanation as to why and I fell pregnant with DD and for 9 months I felt rotten, hyperemesis the whole way through, hospitalised many times, placenta stopped working at 37 weeks, 5 day induction, 2 failed epidurals and it was like I forgot about it as soon as she was born, I was and am still so in love with her and she was the easiest baby and still is as a toddler, she's happy, funny and full of life.
We decided we'd try for a 2nd and if I had another miscarriage, we'd draw a line under it and just remain grateful for DD.
I'm now 13 weeks pregnant and I feel vile. I am so depressed, I don't have hypermesis this time just such bad nausea from the minute I open my eyes to closing them, I only manage to sleep a few hours a night, I'm in agony with sciatica and dr gave me amitryptiline but cannot take them. I took 1, slept for 15 hours and woke up with what felt like a hangover from hell that lasted all day.
I have no energy, I'm lucky if I manage to eat a piece of toast a day, I feel guilty as I don't want to sit on the floor and play with DD, my whole body aches, from the minute I open my eyes I count down until bedtime, my DH is working 13 hour days then coming home and cooking, washing up etc (not that he'd ever complain) and I think to myself multiple times a day what the hell have I done?
I want my old life back, where I was out and about with DD every day, when my house wasn't piled up with laundry and cleaning to do, when I enjoyed dinner with DH and had 10 hours sleep a night, when I could get through the day without gagging, a banging headache and back pain.
I'm so sad and don't know why I thought this was a good idea, I just want to disappear.