Husband yelled at me in front of the kids

[Lymabeane]

DH and I are driving. Motorcyclist in front of us. We’re going around a bend and he overtakes. I say his not supposed to do that especially with the kids in the car as it’s dangerous. He immediately gets defensive and says “You shouldn’t do it. I’m a better driver than you.” I’m adamant that it’s better to be safe than sorry but out of no where he starts yelling at me and screaming why am I always starting . All while the kids are listening. Now we’re not talking over such a little encounter. Aibu for wanting to leave?

Sounds like normal married life to me😀

How are things generally

I don't know if there is a back story here but you started this by complaining about his driving in front of the kids and he has reacted - you are both unreasonable.

You could and maybe should have waited and given this feedback calmly at a later stage but equally you've both allowed a minor thing to escalate.

I'd not want my partner complaining about every driving decision he didn't agree with, but the fact you want to leave suggests there's a pattern. Yanbu to leave if you're not happy.

Not unreasonable at all to remark on a very dangerous manoeuvre and tbh, I wouldn't be getting in the car with him or letting the children go with him until he can recognise the danger.

Screaming at you on top of that is unacceptable and yes you can leave for any reason you want.

I don't think it's normal married life to scream at someone in the car and swear infront of children surely?!

Personally (unless there was imminent danger) I don't comment on driving until after the fact. However everyone knows you shouldn't be overtaking on corners, especially not when you're overtaking a more vulnerable road user (especially as motorbikes often take corners at different angles!).

Glad this isn't my normal married life, screaming and shouting at each other!

We have a rule that has made our marriage quite happy: backseat drivers get dumped unceremoniously at the side of the road.

No-one likes a backseat driver, so would've been better to pull him up after the journey when everything's calm.

Is that the reason for divorce or were you divorcing anyway?

I'm sorry, it's not clear?

While I don't agree at all with him shouting at you, ex husband used to frequently comment on my driving and it annoyed me so much

Never ideal to overtaken on a bend but you knew those same DC were in the car before you started giving him a lecture.

Provoking an argument in a car while someone is driving equally isn't safe.

Maybe a comment of "bit dodgy doing that" when he over took would have been enough to get your point across.

You are seriously considering leaving your husband over a minor argument like that? 😳.

I don’t see what you have done wrong!

I don’t drive but if I feel my husband should not have driven a particular way I will tell him & he certainly doesn’t over react. We have a conversation with the adult kids giggling in the back. Both of my children avoid him being a front seat passenger as he will constantly criticise their driving, they want me in the car to diffuse Daddy 🫢

We always knew he was never going to be a good front seat passenger & he has been awful. They will laugh about it afterwards but in the car there is massive upset but we are working on it & Dad is getting better.

I like peaceful car journeys 🤗

Does he normally react like that to something you have said??

Your husband got overwhelmed it's understandable in that he's trying to focus on driving and you're having a go at him. In your head he should have admired his mistake but he felt he needed to defend his actions rather than admit he was wrong.

I would talk to him later about shouting and would expect an apology but equally you probably shouldn't have pushed an argument while he's driving and needs to focus on that.

Are there really women in existence who would happily accept a man screaming and yelling at them?
Men who choose to behave like that are not marriage or even dating material.

Does he often behave like that OP? You can end a relationship for any reason you want.

Well it's not great behaviour in the slightest but going straight to wanting to leave him sounds as if there is a back story.

I know a child who's fatherless and never even got to meet their dad as a car driver hit their dad dads motorbike and he died from his injuries;his partner was pregnant at the time.

So yes I'd say you were justified about telling how dangerous that manoeuvre was.

The general argument of 'you shouldn't have done that because there are kids is the car, is really weak, and very irritating. You shouldn't have stooped so low, and not criticised his driving infront of the kids.

It's not unreasonable to pull him up for overtaking at a bend ffs. His reaction IS unreasonable.

Finally someone talking sense.

Overtaking on a bend is dangerous. End of discussion. It’s perfectly reasonable to pull someone up for dangerous behaviour especially when other people could have been hurt.
His reaction was uncalled for. He reacted in anger because he knew he did wrong.

This. He made a very dangerous maneuver—his “”skill” level doesn’t make it any safer—and then demonstrated his complete lack of maturity and ability to judge things by screaming in reaction to a little mild criticism.

Also: she was obligated to say something precisely because the kids were in the car and they were still driving. He had plenty of time to make the same or worse mistakes on this very trip. He could have been emboldened to do it again and killed the next motorist or the children within minutes if uncorrected.

I say his not supposed to do that especially with the kids in the car as it’s dangerous.

You approached this the wrong way, you're treating him like a child, hes an adult. It's not your job to parent him and tell him when he's doing something wrong. He can make assessments when something is dangerous (you might not agree, that's another matter).

In that situation, a setting of your boundary would have been a better approach rather than a reprimand.

I feel that manoeuvre was unsafe, especially with our children in the car. When you're driving and myself or our children are in the car, please dont undertake risky manoeuvres that put my life and the lives of our children at risk. If you prefer, I'll drive.