Feel depressed and don't know why

[Cow90]

Not sure what's wrong with me, I used to take sertraline and weaned myself off a while ago as I felt things had improved, however I've just asked for another GP appointment for it.

I'm mid 30s, my parents are in their late 50s/early 60s. I have a good relationship with them and they do a lot for me, I'm really lucky.

We had a bit of an argument the other day, not an argument as such but more of a disagreement. I generally see them weekly, the majority of the time I travel to them. I'm an hour's drive, or 40 mins train then 15 mins bus/taxi, plus from theirs it's about 20 minutes to the station, so about 1.5 hours each way.

As everyone knows UK train prices are extortionate. A day return is £15 (just gone up) but if I stay over and come back the next day it's about £24. If it's at peak times it's nearly £30.

I don't have any children of my own yet but I have a pet I cannot leave alone for more than 24h. My Mum likes me to sleep over at theirs, I do about 50% of the time I go, but I feel like sometimes she seems to forget I have the cat.
She sometimes offers me the train fare which is really good of her, but sometimes I don't want to stay over because I have other things to do and as I say I need to get back for the cat.
I don't have anyone local who can just drop in on her, I have to pay for petsitters.

I was feeling low anyway the other day and got a bit upset because I travel to them every week, and the other week she was saying well why aren't you staying over? I thought you were staying? My Mum still works full time, Dad works from home part time, both drive, I've said to them I can't sleep over every single week, I can't just leave the cat, and I'm in my mid 30s. They occasionally come to see me but it's less than once a month.

Anyway things are OK now but I feel bad for how that discussion turned out. I'm very happy with my boyfriend of 7 months and yesterday we both said we want our future to be together, but I feel like it's an awkward time because we're past the dating stage but it's too early to move in or anything like that. I'm scared of having my time wasted again, I know we're very happy together, but because of past experiences I feel like I cannot relax until I see concrete evidence of commitment. I've just started a job I like, I have things going for me, I should feel over the moon. I don't know what's up with me.

I can see how previous experience might make you worry about wasting your time with relationships but you can’t expect anything concrete 7 months in. You’re happy just enjoy the stage you are at, which is still very much the getting to know each other stage.

The situation with your parents, on the other hand, is a jaw dropper. Visiting them every week is a lot. Them expecting you to stay with them every weekend is astonishing. I think it might be the underlying tension of having to handle that expectation week in and week out that is making you feel low.

I really think you need to cut back on the trips to them and ask them to come to you alternately. And tell them staying over, and therefore whole weekends, will be happening much less often. It will probably be hard for you to set those boundaries, but much better for your well being. I just don’t understand how any parent would want their 30 year old daughter to miss out on so much of the fun part of life by spending every weekend with them.

It's great that there are some positives going on with your relationship and with having supportive parents who love you.

Yet it's understandable to feel a bit low- there's a lot of insecurity and uncertainty at an early stage in a relationship and it sounds like your parents expectations of you are also causing you stress. It might be best to be clear and just say 'I'll stay once a fortnight' and explain that it's stressful to arrange a cat sitter otherwise?