AIBU? Panicking - don’t know what to do - that very slim 11 year old thinks she is fat

[PanicStations123]

My lovely and very slim daughter is on the autistic spectrum (also ADHD) and I’ve just read her phone and found out that she thinks she is fat. She has been going without food as she thinks she is fat. One day, she felt very sick as she had been going without food. She is at high school in her first year (summer born).

What on earth can I do?

We have dealt with cahms psychiatrist before and are under CAHMS - Consultant psychiatrist is brilliant but part time and hard to get hold of. We speak to the nurse once in a blue moon.

Mental health is taken a lot more seriously when it's anorexia. It's the most fatal mental health disorder and the most difficult to control when it's not caught early enough.

You go to CAMHS, or to the GP, as soon as possible is what you do.

I will do, thanks. It did say she had only started going without food. She is absolutely perfect and about a size six to eight. There is no way she is fat.

I don’t want her to find out that I have read the personal diary notes either, but she was pretty locked in and I needed to understand what was happening.

So sorry you're both going through this, it's horrendous. Get a GP appointment asap and talk to your daughter about everything so that hopefully she's receptive to help.

An eating disorder can spiral so quickly so please don't wait.

Yep, call the GP and tell your daughter you are doing that as not eating is a non negotiable and you can't really wait to see how it pans out. We have been through this a couple of times and for us being quite blunt and harsh on her worked - not saying it is the right approach for you but it nipped things in the bud quite quickly. I'd be calling the GP today to get advice. Good luck

My daughter was also quite 'locked in' to the idea too and didn't take on board what we said to start with. She needs to have her evening meal with other people. I did a few meals where there weee lots of things on the table to choose from to start with rather than plonking a plate of food down in front of her. We didn't talk at all about what she was choosing whilst at the table and had the tv on at same time for distraction

Anorexia is a really common autism presentation in girls. As others have said, make an appointment with the GP, and mention that you know that autism and anorexia are closely linked.

Gosh, there is always something new to worry about with parenting.

If your bigger than your daughter, find a dress you can't fit in.
Try it on...
Then ask her to try it on.
You can then say while having a laugh about how she is young, such a perfect figure, that your happy with how you look and go on to explain about body sizes.

As someone who had anorexia for more than a decade, this would have been a terrible idea.

It worked with my god daughter, who was actually hospitalised for 3 months and had to be feed.
It was used as a starting point to talk, as the daughter knows her mum isn't fat and is the same height. But yes what works for some won't work for all.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your DD.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eatingdisorders/5172972-support-thread-13-for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder

This ongoing and supportive conversation may help you.

This is an incredibly bad idea. OP PLEASE do not do this.

My autistic 16 year old developed anorexia after feeling a bit bigger than her other friends. It takes a grip astonishingly quickly. Please get help quickly, our GP was excellent.

Luckily, DD responded really well to intervention, the thing that brought her up sharply was being told she would not be able to go to school if she carried on losing weight. She's hyper focused on achievement!

We've been very lucky as she has restored weight and doing really well.

Wishing you and your DD well.

I do wish on reflection that I'd acted decisively earlier but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I realised that my DD needed me to hold a firm line, rather than tiptoe around her (more my usual style!) and that was tough but we had family based treatment and that really helped me with the confidence to challenge her disordered thinking.

Don't wait for appointments before you start getting her to eat regular meals and snacks. The quicker you can start refeeding her the better. You probably won't be able to convince her she isn't fat, the food will do that.
Don't reference her body or weight at all. Don't say she's perfect or healthy, these words can get twisted by the ED.
Food is medicine.

My parents took me to the GP, as I kept fainting (due to not eating!). The GP weighed me, told me I was underweight and that I had to eat lots of cake and ice cream.

Hearing it from a medical professional snapped me out of the worst of the food control. I still struggled with my image, but it got me out of the unhealthy cycle.

As someone else who has also had anorexia and autism since being a teenager (well autism forever of course) I also want to say for the love of God don’t do this!!

Professional, medical support is needed using methods that are designed for people with autism.