I can feel myself going into a dark place. I'm having a really hard time trying to claw my way out and just hoping writing it down might help.
I have crap teeth. I go to the dentist and get stuff sorted but it's just endless. It's now private and no NHS dentistry round here.
About a week ago, my tooth broke, just on absolutely nothing. I've also got a filling that needs redoing. I've got an appointment in a few weeks to start looking at it all. It'll cost a lot. Probably £1000ish if I'm lucky. The only place we can get the money from is the savings account for a holiday we had planned with the children. It'll mean we can't go on the holiday. (Payment plans are on credit which I can't get and emergency 111 stuff is just a patch up)
I feel so ashamed that my teeth will stop them all from having the holiday they think we're going on (I know it's first world problems but I'm sad for them and I just feel ashamed). When you have crap teeth, you are always made to feel it's because you don't look after them or prioritise it or don't clean your teeth properly. I do. I try so hard.
I also can't really eat due to the issues. I can have porridge, soup etc (stuff I hate) so I'm just not really eating and I know that isn't helping my mood but I've lost my appetite because of the discomfort and the worry. I'm also really phobic of dental work but I make myself do it. I feel so tearful at what's in store.
I just hate it. I'm such a loser and a burden. I've had endless health problems and dental problems and no one else ever seems to have so much going on. Everyone else has nice smiles. What is even wrong with me. I hate it.