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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it worth one more try?

10 replies

DM16 · 02/03/2025 22:04

My husband and I got married 5 years ago. When he moved in with me and my son it didn't work out. My son has autism and wasn't happy about my husband living with us. It all got too much so I told my husband he had to leave as my son wasn't happy and I felt like I was trying to keep him and my son happy. He moved out and got an apartment. We then agreed to keep seeing each other even though it was an unconventional marriage. Anyway, there has been lots of ups and downs. He was resentful at times of me always being there for my son and I actually think he was jealous. This caused rows. Mostly when he was drunk and he would say things to me about my son. He can be a total asshole on drink and I think he drinks too much in general. One night before Christmas he got drunk. I had had a few drinks myself but I am not mean on alcohol unless I'm provoked. He called me names and I was disgusted but because it was so near to Christmas I let it go. Anyway, two months ago I ended our marriage. I had had enough and felt my husband was really petty, over sensitive and emotionally immature. He lives nearby and I have been avoiding him bar texting at times. He sent me flowers yesterday and a card asking if we can start over. He said he now gets my relationship with my son and will cut back on drinking. I am very reluctant to go back. Part of me feels why should I accept what happened and that in a way I am not doing right by me or my son if I give it another go. He has never said a word to my sons face as he knew better not to btw. I find myself confused now. I'm a bit lonely and sad about it all. I just want to make a decision and stick to it. I'm 50 and don't relish not having a partner in my life but I don't know what to do. Do people ever change?

OP posts:
Notverygoodatusernames · 02/03/2025 22:10

Oh he will cut down on drinking, will he? He hasn’t done it but he says he’s going to?

Don’t fall for that crap.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/03/2025 22:10

To answer your question in the title, no

RedVelvetIcing · 02/03/2025 22:11

I don’t know but you can’t hold back in life for your son forever.

healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 22:20

You're 50 years old, that's far too old to be living with an immature alcoholic. You know your own worth at that age. Of course he wants to get back with you. He'll be full of regrets, all alcoholics are. It doesn't mean you want to get back with him! He sounds absolutely awful.

I really do appreciate that you are lonely but he is not going to solve that problem.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/03/2025 22:20

RedVelvetIcing · 02/03/2025 22:11

I don’t know but you can’t hold back in life for your son forever.

And the fact that he's an abusive pisshead?

parietal · 02/03/2025 22:21

How old is your son?

Has your DH actually taken any action to stop drinking? Join a support group? See the gp? Just saying he is stopping is not enough.

DM16 · 02/03/2025 22:23

My son has Aspergers. I will always put him first as he needs me.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 02/03/2025 22:23

Can't see this working OP.

DM16 · 02/03/2025 22:24

I think he's in denial as to how much he relies on alcohol. He drinks half a bottle of Bacardi most nights.

OP posts:
Themaths · 02/03/2025 22:26

You ended your marriage for very good reason, which must have been a very tough decision. It's only been a few months, has he really changed in 8-10 weeks?

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