For having doubts

[anonymousand]

Me and my partner have been together for almost 9 years. We got together in our early 20s so I'd only had a handful of relationships. We generally are happy and secure. We have 2 DC, we're not married but have been engaged for a while and we have a mortgage together. Since our DC arrived I've felt sad and generally unfulfilled with my life. I know that can be common after having children but quite regularly now I'm looking at my relationship and my partner and thinking, is this what I want for the rest of my life?
I wonder if I'd be happier being a single mum but how would that even work?? I'm a SAHM with disabilities. My partner covers most of the bills. I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in our home alone. I have no family I could move in with.
My partner is great. He's a good dad and does his bit. Sometimes I just think we're not right together, but am I only thinking that because we have 2 young DC who occupy all of our time?
I suppose my AIBU is am I being unreasonable to be thinking of asking for some time apart or am I only thinking these things through the fog of parenthood?
My DC are very young for context. One is under 6 months and the other is just about to turn 3.
Appreciate any thoughts

None of us can know, but it does sound as if you are in the very thick of the time when all your energy is drained by having 2 little dc, who need adults with them all the time. More likely than not, sleep deprived too, and, I suspect under some money pressure as most young parents are. The combination of this means that, I suspect, many couples aren't in the best place to think of or look at their other half with the same starry eyes as when you first met.

It's good to acknowledge that and try to look at all the positive things about your relationship.

It's absolutely imperative that you don't make any major decisions when you are in this stressed and tired state with two small children especially. You've already indicated how difficult it would be for you, and them, if you were to separate right now. You are still young and just because you're not happy in this moment, it doesn't mean it has to be for the rest of your life. There's no harm in waiting, you're young and you have a good man! So stop thinking 'rest of my life' and just think what's best for my kids in the short term. It sounds to me like you're depressed and exhausted and fed up and looking for a way out of those feelings. Life could be very hard for you if you separated now. Hang on until you feel better and then decide. Also what does fulfilled mean to you? Maybe just start looking at some things you could work towards to achieve that in the future.

I agree with the previous posters - now isn’t the best time to make any big decisions if there isn’t a burning platform.

You only need to glance at the dating threads to see that decent men are pretty thin on the ground. That’s not to say you should stay with someone because any man is better than no man, but if you think the grass is going to be greener, just know that the other grass is pretty much universally astro turf!

By which I mean liars, cheats, flaky commitment-phobes, perverts, lazy manchildren, basically its like searching for a piece of hay in a stack of needles.

If you have a decent man, do whatever you can to make that work because the alternative is soul destroying.

Plan some time without the DCs, talk about your hopes for the future, make sure you discuss your needs and how to make sure you both feel supported. Basically date each other again and try to remember why you fell and love and chose him as the father of your children.

Given your circumstances I'd work on your marriage. Your husband sounds like a decent sort and you're currently in the thick of it.

If you feel unfulfilled then work on that.

I think you are at the stage of Now What ? Being a SAHM can be very lonely and isolating and you can start overthinking . He sounds like a decent partner and good provider, really important virtues. You sound depressed which is so normal at your post partum stage . No one can be responsible for your own happiness only you can do that. Talk to your GP and your partner too hopefully they will support you. Is there a reason you never married? Please protect yourself financially .