Just need to put this out there and it’s a long one!
Daughter been with her boyfriend for a few years, I’ve really tried to like him but he’s given me so many reasons not to.
Daughter is vulnerable as she has adhd and anxiety and I think she’s been manipulated by him.
He’s pushed his way into my home and moved in despite not been invited or wanted. He contributes nothing financially and doesn’t help with anything around the home. I’m a single parent with chronic health conditions and autism so I’m not very assertive.
I was warned about him not being a good person by someone that knows him well and my daughter didn’t like him prior to them getting together. He had a very dysfunctional childhood and is a complex person
I think he’s been love bombing and controlling her and he’s made her so reliable on him I can’t see her ever leaving him. He’s moulded himself into a different person, mimicking all her interests and beliefs when they were completely different before. All his ex girlfriends were ‘mental’ according to him and one even ended up being sectioned but now I can see it’s all classic abuse/manipulation behaviour
However he can’t mask all the time and the veil slips when he’s alone with me. He’s said things to me about her which I think he’s does to try and cause friction between us but it doesn’t work as we’ve always been close (I think he’s jealous of the life I’ve given her compared to his)
He doesn’t look after my property either and has damaged many things around the home.
There has been so many other incidents I could mention but this would be even longer if I mentioned them all!
The comments this week alone include- he built a shed for them to smoke in (paid by me) I said I could do with another one to put my stuff in, to which he replied I wouldn’t build another one as it’s not for me.( He’s a builder and this is one of the few things he’s done around the house.
He’s done no diy whatsoever and will watch me struggle to do things by myself despite me being unwell)
I’ve been really suffering with h deliberating migraines and might have a serious brain condition which I’m waiting for a brain scan.
He was mocking me about it and saying stupid things like I’ve caused it myself. I was so shocked I just laughed
Both times my daughter was in her room so doesn’t hear these things
I snapped yesterday as the bathroom sink has been blocked for 2 weeks and I’ve asked him to unblock it nearly daily. I ended up watching a YouTube video and dismantled it myself and fixed it but I can see now that he only does things that are for his benefit.
His hygiene is disgusting and I repeatedly have to tell him not to cough and spit his phlegm in the kitchen sink and again this week I can hear him doing it again
I told my daughter they have to go and live at his mothers house yesterday as I can’t put up with him anymore.
I haven’t told my daughter any of the many comments he’s made when we’re alone as I don’t want to look like the bad one who’s trying to split them up but am I doing the right thing?Should I be honest with her?
My daughter hates going to his mother’s place as she’s horrible and the house is filthy and hoarded . I’m worried it’s going to effect t her fragile mental health being there permanently.
Have I done the wrong thing? Should I be keeping her close to monitor the situation?
she’s changed so much since being with him, she’s used to be so cheery and happy and he’s sucked the life out of her…
I know she’s not blameless in all of this but she is so naive and all her other boyfriends have been lovely, I don’t think she recognises the abuse or realises she’s been love bombed into being so reliant on him.
just to add -we live in a popular area with no rental properties so they can’t find their own place
Thank you for reading 🙏