Hi everyone, I need to know whether I am being reasonable or not and cannot talk about this in my friendship group because we all know each other, and I don't want to start gossiping.
My best friend has been with her partner since they were very young, and she's now 37. They always had a tumultuous relationship as he was very much into partying and, well, taking it too far. He then changed his life around and swapped his substance misuse for an addiction to cycling and competitions in it.
He has never been a very supportive partner in anything to do with her ventures, yet she is practically his skivvy and designated driver for his races, and she has to stand around in the cold 'watching' him participate. (like she has nothing better to do on her weekends). He was an only child growing up and you can seriously tell! he won't even share his phone charger with her!!
She seems to always be on eggshells around him, and never wants to 'rock the boat'. She's very open about him wearing the trousers in their relationship.
They are moving away soon, and its come as quite a surprise and I am going to really miss her and the relationship we used to have; however I think her being closer to her family is going to be great for her, and so I am also really happy for her.
The reason I'm upset, is because the last couple of times we have meant to meet up she has cancelled and I really feel that my time is being disrespected and that this friendship is now ending and that I possibly need to take a step back and put myself first and stop prioritising our friendship now and grieve it won't ever be the same instead of being in denial.
I usually work on the weekends, I'm a self-employed beautician, and I booked in to see her at a kid's soft play 6 weeks in advance on a Saturday (and so didn't accept any clients on this day). She texted me the night before saying that she thinks her son may have a cold and so it might just be her coming the next day - then, on the day, her partner went out cycling (in the morning and still wasn't home at 5pm)
She told me at 2 that she was hoping he would be home for 4 and could look after the child so she could come out - she said would let me know - I didn't eat anything because we was supposed to be going for food, I then reached out to her at 5 and said what's going on and she asked to rearrange because he wasn't home. I had wasted my whole day waiting for her to figure out something which would have been very simple to resolve before he left the house or over a phonecall!?
I don't understand how he can be so selfish to prioritise his stupid cycling over his partner connecting with her best friend on a date that had been booked 6 weeks beforehand. Surely any normal partner would look after their son so she could see her friend before they move very far away and not be so selfish?
He does stuff like this all the time, and whenever we have events that involve our partners, he is the only one who never comes or makes an effort. I think he is a narcissist, and I won't be ever going to stay at their new place as I now feel so strongly that he is a horrible person. I can't think of anything worse than pretending pleasantries with him. It's become so much more apparent since they had a child, as before, she was free, but now she has to actually rely on him, and it has shown that their lives evolve around him and him as the top priority- always.
I've decided that if this is how it's going to be now, I am not going to rearrange anything with her to avoid being let down and getting upset and growing anymore resentful that I am sacrificing myself and it is not being cared about.
Do you think me walking away from this friendship (without any drama, just not being 'available' to meet up anymore) is justified?