AIBU to not want to throw a load of food away - fussy eater

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

My DH thinks I pander to the kids, and I admit I may be guilty of this. They are both fussy eaters. Usual story - ate well as young babies (baby led weaning + purees), gave a wide variety of fruits and veg, etc. Both became fussier the older they got. Now 6 and 4, they are both very limited in what they like and - most frustratingly - they like different things to each other!!!

My parents were "eat it or be hungry" types, and I was often hungry as I couldn't face eating a lot for stuff as a kid. As a result, I've ended up anxious around food and want to avoid this for my kids.

DH and I can't agree on an approach. I don't want to make 3 separate meals a night, but I also don't want to force anyone to eat things or be hungry. And, given the cost of food, I don't want to make things that I know will end up in the bin! But DH says I'm making it worse.

Any thoughts from parents of other fussy (or non-fussy!) eaters?

Oh and I could never do ‘go hungry’ either. Rule here is eat dinner (or wail that it’s poison and don’t), standard pudding of a small treat sized ice cream/ 2 biscuits given regardless because I don’t link food to discipline.

But post normal small pudding, if still hungry, choices are to finish their leftover dinner, a piece of fruit or a plain cracker, piece of toast.

Three rules keep fussiness simple, sane and social:

you have to try it before you say you don’t like it.

the cook makes as little effort as possible for food refusers

no one else is interested in what you like or don’t.

Thing is, it’s much more important to get them to eat a wide range of foods in a calm way than it is to give DC what they want that night.

These boundaries keep it emotionally healthy for all (inc parents) and ensure DC don’t starve.

I think there's a big difference between 'fussiness' and food preferences.
Out of our 3 kids, 2 have strong preferences (one child is also ASD) and frankly if as kids, they didn't get offered food they could eat, they wouldn't eat. That's the difference.
I found family meals easiest if offered deconstructed - usually with different things offered up as help yourself portions. Plus freezing meals so if we had something one child wouldn't eat, there's always something in the freezer that can be used. Not much bother, not much waste and fed children.

You said baby led weaning then said purées and that’s not baby led so not sure what you actually did.
depends why they are fussy, is it because they know you are a soft touch or actually have taste/smell/texture issues which you are unlikely to be able to change.
If it’s taste/smell/texture no point forcing them too as it just causes more issues and will then limit what they’ll actually eat and they could end up in eating disorder ward hundreds of miles away from you.

We did baby led, like small pieces or normal food with puree in a bowls and those tiny spoons kids can use. It was a total mess. We did spoon feed sometimes though, yeah.

We've ended up just honouring things that seem like genuine dislike, reacting minimally to complaints, praising trying things etc. One DS is doing well, but the other way a very limited range of stuff. Packed lunches are a nightmare

I have one fussy eater and DH is a vegetarian so we have just become expert at making three variations of the same meal.

eat it or starve doesn’t work and you know that OP. And anyone who tells you it doesn’t simply doesn’t have experience of a child with food issues.

I will say that my fussy eater began to gradually improve at about age 13. Nos aged 17 he’s still limited in what he eats in comparison to others but will now eat many more foods.

try not to get stressed about it. It first help. Feed your children what they will eat rather than trying to coax them into other foods and then you won’t have waste.

DD2 is extremely fussy and I reached a point where I felt it was better for her nutritionally to serve a balance of things she would eat at every meal rather than serving something I knew she wouldn't eat and then she has toast or whatever. At one point it was either a specific chicken burger, pizza or sausages and we just rotated through those meals. She was later diagnosed with Autism which just confirmed my belief that it was a taste/texture issue not behavioural. Now as a teenager she is branching out more.