Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Co parenting (supposedly)

8 replies

Grace292131 · 01/03/2025 15:58

Apologies if this is a long one, AIBU?

I have 3 children, my oldest has nothing to do with her dad - she’s never met him. My other 2 children, their dad lives in the apartment above ours. Keep in mind, he took me through court and solicitors for a year to get the same rights and responsibilities as myself. There was a court order with dates and times put into place, this was back in 2021 so his shifts were different back then but he’s now claiming he can’t stick to having the children every other weekend and two evenings during the week? He chooses to work overtime during the week and also most weekends as he’s “set the bar” and it won’t look good if he doesn’t continue this.

Now my issue is, my oldest daughter (not his) was taken to hospital during the week and we don’t know how long she’s going to be here for. He collected the children from my parents on the day she was admitted in hospital (quite late on the evening) as he stayed at work late, again even though he knew this was the case. He wanted to drop the kids off after feeding them and bathing, as he HAD to be in work the following day and claims I stitched him up - as if he had known he was going to end up having them overnight- he wouldn’t have had them to start with! Also I should be leaving my daughter in hospital alone, to go and look after my other 2 children as he has a job?

Basically took me through court and moaned for a year that my parents did the job that he should be doing, but can’t be bothered now and is expecting them to pick up the slack? Is it me, do I just live on a whole different planet?

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 01/03/2025 16:15

Another selfish dad doing what he wants to and fuck the kids tell him he has to decide if he’s being a dad or not you don’t get to choose your shifts. You don’t so why does think he can. It’s gets me so mad when men don’t live with kids then pick and choose when to parent them. I’m not saying all men but there are plenty on here so going off this forum. You do need to be with your oldest and he needs to step up.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 01/03/2025 16:17

How old is your oldest daughter?

Dolambslikemintsauce · 01/03/2025 16:18

Make sure cms reflects how little he has the dc.. It's the only way to hit him is in the wallet.. After all he does lots of overtime..

Grace292131 · 01/03/2025 16:22

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 01/03/2025 16:17

How old is your oldest daughter?

11

OP posts:
Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 01/03/2025 16:25

I hope she starts to feel better soon. Could one of your parents be there overnight instead of you? I know it's not a long term solution to your ex being a twat though.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 01/03/2025 16:26

No he is an unkind and foolish person to suggest that you leave an 11 alone so that he can be an absentee parent.

I'm afraid you should assume he'll always be a deadbeat dad and find support elsewhere as he'll let you down any time you try and rely on him.

Your children will realise one day that you did all the important stuff and he flirted around the edges at best

Grace292131 · 01/03/2025 16:31

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 01/03/2025 16:25

I hope she starts to feel better soon. Could one of your parents be there overnight instead of you? I know it's not a long term solution to your ex being a twat though.

Thank you! Unfortunately not, my dad is self employed so if he’s not out working then he’s not earning (but he has been with my other 2 a lot helping) 😢 and my mum is unwell and due to the medication my daughter is currently on - her immune system is very weak. I really don’t think it’s too much to ask for their father to help out and inform his workplace that it’s an unexpected temporary issue though 😩

OP posts:
DazedDragon · 01/03/2025 16:37

@Grace292131 he needs to stick to the agreement that he demanded in court.

If it's his time to have the kids then he needs to have the kids. If he needs to work, then he needs to pay for or arrange alternative childcare.

That alternative childcare could be you looking after them (as a favour to him), but if you are unable to, then you're perfectly entitled to say no.

If he is not pulling his weight then the child maintenance needs to reflect that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page