To think DH and I just want the other to take the kids

[whenyourebothsoflippingtired]

Sort of a bit light hearted but …

DD didn’t sleep last night. Don’t know what was up but she kept waking up (so I couldn’t get to sleep) and then woke 1-3, got her asleep in her cot at 315, then DS woke at 6.

DH took them so I could sleep a bit but I only went to bed at 330 and was still up at 8. DH slept more than me but only a bit.

I mean, there’s no answer here is there? Truth is we’re both tired out, doing all we can, and just desperate for a break that never comes. The answer on here is to let your partner take the children for a bit but when you’re both running on empty that’s so hard to do.

Right here with you. 15 month old just cannot settle, teething with a horrible virus. Howling all night. Neither of us has slept in 2 weeks, both working full time too. We've been having to work evenings etc to make up hours - basically one of us is working, other looking after baby. Obviously we've both caught it too so both feel like shit on top of the sleep deprivation.

Solidarity OP. There's no easy answer but this too shall pass. I have a ten year old and a 21 month old who keeps both of us on our toes. We're both exhausted.

Kind of glad it isn’t just us … life feels so gruelling. I hate moaning as I do love my children so very much but … geez, relentless doesn’t begin to cover it. Any time you do get is spent hurried and rushing to get back to relieve the other parent and / or doing essential household stuff you never get a chance to do otherwise!

The answer on here is to let your partner take the children for a bit but when you’re both running on empty that’s so hard to do.

Isn't the point that if you both had a proper break, neither of you would be running on empty?

Theoretically, but sometimes it's not possible. In our house atm DH gets up and starts working at 7am, so he can finish 3pm. Baby should nap 1ish, so I pray like hell they'll nap so I can start work at 1pm. Often they'll only sleep on me so I can't. DH takes over around 3ish which means I have to work until 11pm. Baby is spending most the night awake crying and only settling when rocked atm.

So then, between me and DH we have between 11pm and 6am when he gets up for work to take in turns rocking while the other sleeps. But the other can't sleep because of the crying.

There is never a time for one to have a proper rest. Hell there's not even enough to be able to have more than 3 hours broken sleep.

@FlyingHighFlyingLow it sounds like you need childcare if you're relying on your baby to nap at a certain time in order for you to work.

I have a full time nursery place but can't send baby because they're ill. They've been off for 2 weeks. Had 3 doctors appointments because of it. Normally we don't need to rock them to keep them asleep. They wake regularly, but we can at least both sleep an hour.

Normally we're tired but it's OK. At the moment we're below empty.

Or you get childcare perhaps for a few hours during the day and have more normal working patterns?

Edited to add Cross posted

Feel your pain op. Single mum . Felt like I didn't sleep for 5 years.
Grit your teeth.. It will pass.

I’m not sure how you can get a proper break though. The honest answer is you can’t. There just aren’t enough hours in the day or night.

Working in shifts, I guess. DH does one night, you do another. The parent who is "off duty" puts earplugs in and sleeps, then you swap.

And the next day?

You take it in turns, 1 night 1 parent is on duty and gets up for all wakings, then next night the other parent does it

And people think that’s a break!? I’m not trying to sound difficult or awkward here but it isn’t, is it? Even if you split exactly down the middle there’s too much for two people to do and salvage some reserves of energy and the much heard about ‘me time.’

You work as a team during dinner to get both babies fed, one parents does baths and the other parent washes up, preps the bits needed for the morning and has a quick tidy round.

In this scenario I would tag team bedtime and have both children asleep by 7pm. One parent showers, sorts their bits for the morning and is then asleep for 8pm. This parent does the night shift and the other parent sleeps more but is back on shift from say 5/6am. The next night you swap, if you do this for a few nights you’ll start to feel more human and it won’t feel as bad.

It's better than nothing, surely? And at least if one parent has a full nights' sleep, they can take over the next day while the other parent goes out and has some "time". Then you can swap.

The reality is that there's no real way of getting a proper break with two small children unless you have family to help or can pay for childcare.

It’s not a break but it’s sleep which is the main priority. If the other parent is in bed at 8ish you’ll get a few hours to yourself then before you go to bed.

DH and I both manage to get some time to ourselves when it's needed but critically we only have one child.

On a typical weekend day we'll all do something together in the morning then in the afternoon we each have a couple of hours each to do whatever we want while the other is with DS.

When he's had bad periods of overnight sleep we literally take turns, with the one that's 'off duty' sleeping in another room but getting up earlier to take over and allow the 'on duty' one to get some rest before the day starts.

That is critical, @CheeseWisely

Funnily enough we were saying earlier how much more manageable it was with just the one (not that we’d be without either of course!)

I think we are both doing what we can and that’s not really what I’m about; it’s the acknowledgement that it basically involves you both working your arse off pretty much 24/7, which is a bit depressing!

It's not the only reason he'll remain an only child but it certainly helps me feel better about that!

When you have 2 who will have different sleep patterns I think it's easier if 1 parent is assigned to 1 child for the day and therefore gets to sleep when that child does.

If the youngest isn't sleeping 2 nights in a row then you swap children on the 2nd night.

SHe isn’t normally like that to be fair @happinessischocolate . It is exhausting and I think what I notice is on a Friday when colleagues are keen for the weekend to relax is that’s unthinkable!

I mean today DH did have them for a couple of hours and so did I but the other parent was just frantically dashing around trying to do things that desperately need doing so it isn’t a ‘break’ in that sense.

No real advice but hugs!! We did shifts so I was on baby duty 9-2am when I usually sneaked an hour or so then and hubs did 2am- 7am so I got 5 hours there.

Our ds was up multiple times a night every night for the first two years. We tag teamed, I slept 8-1. Plus any grabbed sleep after that. Dh slept 12- 7. At a weekend we each got a lay in.

Split the nights, one of you has a very early night and gets up early, the other stays up late and gets a lie in. During the day you each take it in turns in taking the baby out for a good few hours to give the other a break.

When they're very little and you don't have family support or don't pay for help that's as much 'me' time as you can hope for. Use TV as a babysitter for a little while too if you need to, whatever gets you through!