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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Targeted at Work?

7 replies

AbbeyDown · 01/03/2025 11:16

I work in an office where things have become really uncomfortable, and I feel like I’ve been unfairly dragged into a situation that I didn’t cause.

A colleague (T) told another colleague (R) that someone else (K) was planning to leave because of me. R then told me, which obviously upset me because I had no idea where this had come from. When I calmly asked T about it in private, she completely backtracked, saying she never said my name and had actually said “the team” instead.

But then, T came into the office and caused absolute chaos—raising her voice, saying things that pitted everyone against each other, bringing up unrelated work grievances, and making me feel like I was being singled out. It felt like a witch hunt, and I was so overwhelmed that I had to remove myself from the situation. I left work 10 mins earlier I felt very attacked.

After I left, T apparently continued stirring things up, and I later found out she was making comments about my previous sickness absence, implying I was overly sensitive and might take more time off. At the same time, I’ve also learned that some of my messages to R (which weren’t even about work, just general chat) were screenshotted and shown to others.

I’ve since spoken to K directly, and she confirmed she never said she was leaving because of me—only that she had felt an atmosphere in the office. But somehow, this got twisted by T into something much bigger. Now, I feel incredibly uncomfortable at work. T has avoided me completely since, and I just don’t trust R anymore either.

I’ve spoken to my union, who said this was handled very poorly, but I’m still unsure what to do next. I want to remain professional, but I also don’t want to be in a situation where I constantly feel on edge or like things I say could be twisted and used against me.

Has anyone been through anything similar? How did you handle it?

OP posts:
Rainingalldayonmyhead · 01/03/2025 11:19

This all sounds like a school playground scenario.

Speak to your MANAGER whose job it is to deal with these situations. What did you think your union rep could or would do except agree with you?

Go in, do your work, keep your head down and keep quiet but speak to your manager and let them deal with this.

Jeschara · 01/03/2025 11:22

No, T is a gossip and s bully R is untrustworthy and will say anything to keep in with in with crowd.

This unfortunately is like alot of work places. T needs to be told to stop talking about people and making unwanted comments.

AbbeyDown · 01/03/2025 11:51

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 01/03/2025 11:19

This all sounds like a school playground scenario.

Speak to your MANAGER whose job it is to deal with these situations. What did you think your union rep could or would do except agree with you?

Go in, do your work, keep your head down and keep quiet but speak to your manager and let them deal with this.

My manager said she is there to support and if she can help but she said to another colleague she cannot get involved in squabbles.

OP posts:
Rainingalldayonmyhead · 01/03/2025 11:59

AbbeyDown · 01/03/2025 11:51

My manager said she is there to support and if she can help but she said to another colleague she cannot get involved in squabbles.

Then your next step is HR. Your manager isn’t doing her job. This isn’t a scrabble which to be honest she is right and as adults you need to work it out yourselves. But if an employee is shouting in an open office and being offensive this needs addressing.

MargaretThursday · 01/03/2025 12:05

Tbf I think it's very unlikely that K would have said to you that she was leaving because of you. I left a place because of two people and was the fourth or fifth to do so at least, and none of them said it officially, and would have denied it if asked directly.

We can't tell from this whether this is totally unfair and there is a bad atmosphere due to lots of things, or whether you are actually causing issues.
If you believe it to be the former, then I suggest you speak to HR and your manager and ask for help to resolve this so everyone including yourself is comfortable.

Sleepington · 01/03/2025 12:15

We have no idea what you are like to
work with or what was said by anyone else. But you have the right to feel safe and unthreatened in your workplace and obviously that means not being shouted at.

HR are not there to help employees. They exist to protect the company and that will be their entire focus so I fully understand why you went to your union when your manager didn’t step up. Go back to your manager and if you don’t get help, go to your manager’s manager.

Be prepared to be managed out/transferred. People who shout in workplaces are bullies and sadly bullies usually win. I’d start looking for a transfer to be honest.

bevm72yellow · 27/01/2026 13:18

What was the outcome for you in your workplace? Did you leave? Did a higher up manager intervene?

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