Nightmares about tutor

[Helpmetogetoverthis]

This is a long and upsetting story, I need some advice about my reaction to it. I have severely disabled DC who does not have a school place due to his exceptional needs. The Local Authority pay for a mix of provision, part of which involved a tutor and a Learning Support Assistant (because of absconding risk and other behaviours but no violence).

Last year, he got a new tutor and had 'lessons' in a small community centre room. Initially I was really happy the LA found this woman because even though she wasn't a trained teacher, she had experience with similar children etc. As the weeks went on, I became more and more unhappy with the arrangement, but didn't really know what was happening as DC is severely language delayed and went off in a taxi. I gathered (by chance) that DC was being shut in the room for most of the week (door physically barricaded) and given the tutor's personal phone for unrestricted Youtube. I asked for a risk assessment of the former because it's really restrictive and I felt that they should be taking him on walks or something or at least reviewing why he kept trying to run away. I said I was really uncomfortable about the phone and we'd had issues with Youtube in past (DC very vulnerable and doesn't know how to access content safely). I was completely ignored. There were several other issues and some upsetting things the LSA had confided.

Anyway, one day I was so worried I basically burst in on them to check what was happening. DC was locked in (with them) sat far away from the door in a zombified state staring at tutor's phone. I terminated the tuition immediately following that, told the LA everything and then did a Subject Access Request to the agency. The agency thought the above was fine and I should be forced to continue with the same tutor. The tutor emailed the agency and heavily implied I caused DC distress and made them self harm. I told LA that we could never use that agency because they couldn't keep DC safe. Have a new agency now but nothing was ever said about the situation ever again.

I'm having really frequent nightmares about the old tutor. She gave off serious 'Hand That Rocks the Cradle' vibes and I just can't get over it. I feel like we've just been expected to immediately accept what happened and DC should be 100% back to normal with brand new tutors.

Would anyone else find this upsetting? I feel like I'm going mad or just being pathetic.

There were all sorts of little signs that the tutor was unsuitable, I am absolutely kicking myself for not realising tbh. One of the first meetings we had with her my DC sat on her lap and she put her arms around DC, sort of snuggled into them and smirked at me in a weird way. I just dismissed it as her being a bit unusual and more used to much younger children (she was a childminder).

I'm getting such bad nightmares that she keeps popping up in our lives and tries to harm our family.

Based on your description, your son was in a room with the staff and the door was locked, you have advised that he has a history of absconding so locking the door makes sense, and he was not alone.

With regard YouTube, have you asked what parental controls/safety measures were in place on the device and what YouTube content was being used? It may very well be that the content had been curated as a playlist and was thought to be beneficial.

I can see that you are upset but I am finding it difficult to understand fully why you are so upset as it doesn't sound like your son was distressed or being hurt in any way, he was safe and accompanied not locked in a room alone and you've provided no detail about the content of the material he had access to.

It's normal for lessons to be in a community centre.

Is there a risk assessment for his risk of running away? There should be one in place which details what is done. You mention physically barricading the door which would generally not be appropriate.

I was a teacher. It is quite normal to show short videos of educational content from YouTube. So for example I used to run a classics club and we would watch short videos about Hercules etc as input before looking at what he did and how Greek art showed him.

What was the actual video?

The fact it was from YouTube doesn't make it inappropriate. Lots of educational charities and channels put their content on their because it is easy to access.

The room was extremely small. I fully accept the absconding issues, and would have 100% accepted it as a measure for a couple of hours until a risk assessment was carried out. He only absconding when he's stressed though.

Re Youtube- there were no controls at all on it. I asked about this and had asked for it to be removed as we've had experience (which I told them about) of DS searching for innocent videos and swear words popping up on screen etc.

I also don't think being sat in a small locked room given free rein over Youtube is an education? I do really appreciate how difficult my DS to educate though.

I was really upset about the whole thing, so maybe this is more about my reaction...

No risk assessment and tutor's personal device literally handed to him for him to search what he wanted and watch it quietly.

Hmm.

I wouldn't be happy about that.

I have done this kind of tutoring and I've used "golden time" as a reward in the past - so getting the student to do an educational activity - worksheet or whatever and then they have "golden time" where they can choose what they do.

For some children who really struggle to concentrate it can really help them regulate.

I wouldn't consider unrestricted access to YouTube though.

What was he actually watching?

If he was watching peppa pig or something similar then although I wouldn't be happy I'd accept it.

Sometimes kids need little escapes both physically and mentally. She may have found that he is less likely to abscond if he can have a mental break by watching YT. This is certainly my experience.

How do you mean the door was physically barricaded? Something was put in front of it from within so he couldn't easily walk out? Or something put behind it?
Putting something visual between the child and the door can also make them feel they don't have the option to abscond. An unblocked door looks all too appealing when you want to escape.

This is so outing but I have name changed... he was watching logo videos on YouTube which like 70% of the time are just distorted logos and 30% of the time had swear words in. Obviously when we (his parents) realised this was happening (which was very early on as all his device time was monitored) we put loads of age controls in place, and literally watched the screens with him. Then when it happened again, through the age controls, we stopped all YouTube completely.

He had heard swear words now he is nearly secondary age, he goes to alternative provision with other kids etc, but he cannot understand how inappropriate things are so he will just repeat them constantly in all situations once exposed. He has significant learning disabilities.

Physically barricaded by a heavy chair at all times.

From the inside

Oh OP this is so disturbing. But please bear in mind that you were and are probably more disturbed by this than your DC who doesn't get all that's going on around him. Unbelievable that the LA let this going on. It's so hard when you parent a child who is so vulnerable because you need to be able to trust the people who are supposed to help them. I had something similar happen to my DC who is verbal but very vulnerable and naïve. I winded taking him out and making a formal complaint. Just wanted to give you a big virtual hug from another mum who can feel and understand your distress. ❤️❤️❤️

The tutor kept going on and on to my about how she had her last child for 2.5 years. I reiterated that we were in a tribunal process trying to get DC back into a special school and apparently she had been telling the LSA (who had not heard tutor's conversations with me) that 'mum might think she wants [DC] in a school, but he'll be with me for 2.5 years'. I've got to admit my blood ran a bit cold at that.

The thought of DC locked in a small, basically windowless, room for many hours a week for 2.5 years, just being tossed a phone for "education", and no adult even watching what he was viewing, made me feel sick. At that point he didn't even have alt prov so was literally not even seeing other children. Just this.