Long story short, been with my partner for 8 years and have two children together, stayed with him when he slept with his sons mum at the start of our relationship (I know I should have left him then but I was naive and only 20), but also supported him through drug addictions and alcoholism, he also got banned for drink driving after a crash, which I found absolutely horrendous that he would do such a thing and was just so so so grateful that it was just his vehicle involved. The alcoholism was around 4 years ago and lasted for 2 years before I gave him the ultimatum of if he doesn’t give it his all to sort it out then he needs to leave - he was a nasty drunk (not physically, just incredibly argumentative and spiteful) so I was beyond exhausted from it and the effect it was having on not just me but our children. Within this ultimatum, I said that I wanted him to go to the gym to prove he was going to work on himself and give him something to focus on and decrease the chances of him slipping back (he needed it because of the constant need for stimuli). Anyways, he did it and gave it his all which I was proud of him for. He’s now two years in and has hardly touched a drop of alcohol or any other substances since - again, very proud of his commitment to it!
The issue now comes from the fact that this incredibly addictive personality he has, has taken over to the point he has admitted that he is now taking testosterone. His priority is fully the gym, which again I wouldn’t mind, however this testosterone has just changed who he is as a person. He is grumpy 6 days out of 7, and so defensive. He wants sex all the time and when he doesn’t get it he is horrible. I feel I am constantly walking on eggshells and he is always snapping at the kids for minor things. I’m just exhausted that there is always something that he does which the rest of us have to suffer for. Not to mention the effect that it will be having on his heart when he already has a pacemaker at the age of 36 from the damage he has done from other addictions.
Tonight I have found myself giving him another choice, to stop the testosterone or to have to leave. Am I unreasonable for this? He’s making out like I am being unfair because if he stops then it is going to effect his mental health, but my argument is the fact that how he currently is, is effecting my mental health.
It is so difficult because when he isn’t clouded by all these addictions, he’s actually a really good guy and our relationship is amazing. He just lets these demons take over and it turns to crap.🙁