Am I being sensitive?

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We’re currently staying with my lovely MIL whilst our house gets renovated.

My DH invited my SIL boyfriend to football tonight and me and DD are at home. My SIL who I believe have quite a good relationship with is going out with my MIL out for dinner (as her boyfriend is out with my DH) but hasn’t extended the invite to me or DD.

Now, I wouldn’t expect to be invited in usual circumstances at all, but I think what’s making me feel upset is that everyone is out and we’re stuck in… my DD is too young to watch the football. I think that I’m partly upset because I’m here, and just feel a bit left out. If I wasn’t staying here, it wouldn’t bother me.

AIBU to feel upset?

If your DD is too young to sit and watch football she’s probably too young to sit nicely in a restaurant.

Maybe they just want a nice adult evening? It’s not personal.

Yeah I think it’s a bit thoughtless not to have extended the invitation, though it depends on your daughter’s age as well.

if they wanted to be just the two of them for whatever good reason, there are ways of telling you this nicely so you don’t feel left out.

This is exactly my thinking.

the other way to look at it is at the moment you get lots of time with your MIL so it’s nice for her daughter to get some 1-1 time.

I do get your point on age, but she’s 3 - she’s not too young to go out to eat, a football stadium in the city is a bit different, especially as they won’t be back until late.

I’m sure it’s not personal - just feels a bit naff!

Taking a three year old to a meal changes the dynamic of it. They could be the worlds best behaved 3 year old but it still would

See, my mum and I would never have done that to either SIL. And we didn’t particularly like one of them! We’d have gone somewhere child friendly, and early, to cater for the grandchild. She was completely bonkers about all of her grandkids. I think it’s kind of rude!

Taking a 3 year old completely changes the kind of evening you’re going to have. My godson is 3 and I love him so much, but if I had an evening meal planned tonight I wouldn’t want to take him.

Maybe your SIL just wants a meal with her MIL - that’s ok isn’t it?

I didn’t say it wasn’t ok. I just said I felt upset

Isn't it actually her mum? Definitely ok! A 3 year old changes the dynamic unfortunately, I wouldn't take it personally.

I’d have thought that if you’re staying with your MIL, she probably thought you’d enjoy having the place to yourself and a bit of time to chill on your own for an evening without her being around.

This.

Because her daughter just wants to have a meal with her mum?

I wouldn’t want to eat a meal in a restaurant with a three year old.

Fair enough if they’re going to the Hungry Horse but they might want to go somewhere nice.

I think you having the three year old makes this understandable, but I can see why it would hurt. They could have been more considerate and stayed in with you or gone to a kid friendly place, to be nice.

If you’re staying with them, it’s very possible that MIL would like a break from being around a 3 year old. Kids are a lot when you’re around them 24/7.

You could have gone out separately though, didn’t have to stay in.

I think you need to ask yourself whether you'd be as upset by this if you had other plans tonight or if it's because actually you're a bit gutted you're at home by yourself with nothing to do.

If you were going out for dinner with a friend would you be as bothered about not receiving an invite with SIL/MIL?

I think it’s fine, you have a young child and they probably wanted an adult meal.

You asked if you are being sensitive. I'd say yes you are. An adult DD having dinner with her mum is a totally different occasion to a family meal with a 3yo niece / granddaughter. Have a nice night with a Disney film then enjoy the quiet once DD is in bed.

I get what you’re saying, but where they’ve gone is a particularly kid friendly pub (ok maybe not particularly it is a pub after all ) but it’s very relaxed, we go there for a lot of family meals. Not sure if that makes any difference but just for context…

If you're currently staying with your MIL, she probably wants a child free night. Which is perfectly ok!

Get dd to bed and enjoy the peace x

Maybe your SIL wants to take her mum out to give her a break?

When did they go out for dinner? Do most pubs not say no kids after 7/8?
Would you have expected them to change their dinner time to suit you and the 3yo?
As pp if you're living with her maybe mil wants some time with her dd?
Are you working/dd at nursery or are you there all day?