To ask for advice on how to support this pupil??

[Planejane34]

Trying to keep this as vague as possible, it's a troubled pupil who I support as part of my role.
A 14 year old girl who I know has had a horrendous home life. Domestic abuse from parents, frequent runaway, no longer in parents' care, living in poverty and so on.
The centre she comes to is basically her only safe space. I haven't seen her ECHP and not 100% sure she has one but I definitely suspect ADHD and potentially mental illness.

She can be quite rude, mocking your voice and so on. Does not fear staff, she will happily talk back to them. I said 'come on' to her once and she flipped. The next minute she can be polite and will chat to you, then again the ruder side will come out. Inability to sit down and focus, even to stay in the room.

I don't use a punitive method as we're not advised to do that here. I give clear instructions and keep my expectations low. Her completing a bit of work is an achievement.

I've tried to build a relationship with her but I'm reluctant to ask about private life unless she volunteers information. I don't react and ignore her until she calms down. We have a reward system here and I've brought in sweets etc.
I'm quite new to her so understandably it'll take time for her to build trust. Just looking for any advice. I engage her in conversation but I'm never confrontational, if she's rude I pretty much just ignore her until she's polite again.

Any suggestions? Sometimes there's not much that can be done and they eventually grow out of it.

You need to ask the organisation you work or volunteer with for more training. Saying ‘come on’ is completely inappropriate.

As in 'come on let's do some work'. I don't really think that's inappropriate ?

I think many teachers would be out of a job if 'come on let's do your work ' was the worst thing a pupil had heard 😂

Hi OP I've worked in a PRU with teenagers with similar difficulties as you describe. My advice is don't ask about private life and wait for her to volunteer any information. You need to build a relationship of trust and that takes time. Remember she will have felt let down and rejected by a number of adults in her life so she will be reluctant to trust. Keep conversation light and open ended 'How was your weekend' or chat about TV or films. What are her interests? Can you break up the work with other activities like arts and crafts or outdoor activities? Most young people in this situation do best in short bursts of 30/40 mins work and then a break.

You should have some training in positive behaviour management and de-escalation. Be calm, consistent and always start each day with a clean slate. Praise any positive behaviour and tasks completed. It will take time and patience but it's really rewarding to see a young person thrive in a positive environment.

You should have had access to some basic information at least if you are expected to support. A one page profile, behaviour management plan or suggested strategies, strengths and needs etc.
Expectations may be minimal at this point while you build up engagement and a level of trust.
Please ask for some information.
If there is an EHCP in place then Aspirations objectives and strategies should have been shared with those supporting.

Thank you both for the suggestions! Agree she's been let down by a lot of adults and is understandably reluctant to trust.