What’s the source for this oft repeated assertion?

[tamade]

I just watched a short clip where a lady says that by any measure of welfare (lists life expectancy, wealth, MH, and many more things) unmarried and childless women are better off. And for men the opposite is true. She says it is because the women pour their hearts and lives into their families.

It sounds plausible and I read similar comments on here every few weeks. I just googled it and the first half a dozen links, including papers seemed to say the opposite: everyone is better off in a couple (married or otherwise).

So where does this theory come from? What’s the truth?
Is it reasonable to accept the statement?

Single and childless women up until fairly recently would have have been those who were more educated and had highly paid jobs so could afford to live independently.It was only 50 years ago that equal pay was brought in and that can take a while to work though the system.
Also actually being pregnant and giving birth was more risky as less monitoring - married women risked DVT with the older type of contraceptive pill.
Give it a few more years and the difference will be reduced.

I saw that clip, and it really resonated with me because of my DM.
I now know that my DM sacrificed a prior life of dancing, exercise, holidays abroad and culture Etc. to be a Wife and Mother and very little social interaction because money was tight.
In her later years after my DDad died, she slipped into severe depression and later, dementia. We only realised what she had given up after she died - very sad…

I'm single and no children. I'm financially better off for not having children and my life is easier somewhat as I'm not carrying the burden of children and a partner (who, going from most posts on here, are useless and don't do much when it comes to being a parent). I'm fortunate that I can support myself financially as it is tougher for being single than when you're married or living with someone, but swings and roundabouts.

I think my mental health would suffer if I had children (just speaking from my personal experience).

So I guess there is some sense in these claims.

A couple of thoughts: men are notoriously bad for looking after their health, often only going to the doctor or going on a health kick because their wives push them and also men are notorious for dropping other friendships once they get married so a man without a wife or girlfriend might be lonelier than a woman in the same situation.

I also wonder whether this was about married women who stayed together for moral/social/financial reasons. As it becomes more acceptable to stay single or get divorced, can we assume that people who are married are happier than in the past?

There is a book (bit old now) that looks at the data on this www.theguardian.com/books/extracts/story/0,6761,625680,00.html

Hmm. I'm better off financially for not having children, but not for living alone. It costs a lot more to live alone than to share a home with another earner.

I might be healthier for not having gone through pregnancy and childbirth, but mental wellbeing is a different thing. From looking at others, I'd say having a family adds stress, but also purpose to your life so....

Yes it makes sense, everything you’ve written is totally reasonable. After watching the clip I searched for articles about it and expected loads of confirmation, but actually it was the opposite. Hence the question really.

@Gwenhwyfar

I just said that it's difficult being alone and supporting yourself financially and that I was in a fortunate position that I was ok (at the moment).

As for purpose, it depends on what purpose means to you doesn't it.

My life isn't without it's struggles that's for sure but I don't feel like adding children into the mix and a feckless father would make my life easier in any way.

A couple of thoughts: men are notoriously bad for looking after their health, often only going to the doctor or going on a health kick because their wives push them

I remember some research finding when you stripped out female repoductive - pg and menstarual problems men went to GP at same rate as women.

It stuck with me as I didn't believe it as every woman in my family initally been brushed off and had to make further GP appointments to get anywhere.

Recent one was FIL very vauge neblous something not right - got sent for a battery of tests right away and found problem - MIL went with a visibly swollen knee she couldn't put weight on - and told it was old age - really impacted for about a year on her life she was in so much pain - and it took pressure from entire family to get her back to GP twice before they finally sent her for an x-ray and the problem was obvious.

I wonder if these myths are why men get taken more sererioulsy so get treated quicker.

I think what has a large bearing is the makeup of people who can choose to be single.

Financially a lot of people fall into a middle camp that can’t afford to be single and live a solo life, so they may remain in unhappy relationships that provide financial support. A person with adequate income that supports them entirely can choose to be single.

There are also people who are low income who can’t really afford the jump from state supported living to being in a couple with a similar person.

@tamade

I don't know if it's true or not but I was just adding my experience as I know I'm the minority on MN.

an example of what I found with a search “average life expectancy women married or single”

www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-demographic-economics/article/effect-of-marital-status-on-life-expectancy-is-cohabitation-as-protective-as-marriage/5B6B9B86C737AE3F095CF3781023F458

@BleachedJumper

Totally agree. It's not black and white and not everyone can afford to live alone.

I'm financially independent (at the moment) because I've been in situations where I was stuck and couldn't afford to leave and it was horrific.

In my experience, unmarried and childfree women have a better life expectancy and childfree couples (by choice) have happier marriages. That's just my experience though from 67 years on this planet.

I know that’s kind of my point, it rings so true.

We would definitely be better off financially without 2 kids and my health would be better. I've been left with high blood pressure at a relatively young age from having preeclampsia twice. I do have a lovely and supportive husband. If that wasn't the case I would be more affected health and finance wise.

An Australian study found that women were, on average, doing an additional 45m per day of unpaid labour in the home.

All other things being equal, that means another 4-6h of labour a week - usually physical. And that's just the average.

A single, childless woman only had to look after her own needs. A single, childless man is missing out of the free labour of a woman.

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis

That makes sense and I'd say that's a conservative estimate of time too.

Childless not by choice couples can have happy marriages too!

I’m far better off financially for being married 🫣 there’s no way my sector could pay as much as DH makes.

Physically though, utterly fucked. Really so many ailments for my young age.

Joy wise, off the charts. Ditto stress though. The parenting paradox!

Well, an average is an average. And I guess single people don't have half the burden of couples.

When single people complain about their lot, they always seem a bit touchy when I point out that they don't have to compromise or live with other people's crap etc!

When I lived alone, I used the same plate for every meal - just washed and left to dry. It was blissfully simple.

You can't die in childbirth if you don't have a child so is that not a factor. And you can't get murdered by your partner if you are single. That must have some bearing on the figures.

My mother - 82 - used to tell me on repeat as a child that there was nothing more dangerous than having a baby.

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis

True.

I think there are pros and cons to all living situations and it's about trying to find the positive in what you have rather than always feel like you're missing out on something.

Sure, I'd love to meet someone but whether the romanticised version in my head and reality are the same, unlikely.

@TorroFerney

Thanks for giving me other things to be grateful for today🤣🤣

I think it hard to work out as so many varriables.

I think statistically men are much less likely to stick around with a sick spouse and age difference till recently were more usual to have women as younger spouse.

I know Dmum last decade been dominated by Dad's ill health and then death. Dad older than Mun got to stay out of hospital and have better care and even die at home because he had Mum there. Dad's cousin got same condition and no partner or kids and it's quite bleak for them - desperately trying to stay home and buy in care.

I heard from guest on Triggernometry cohabiting in USA is much less stable than cohabiting in Europe including UK. USA unless married odds really stacked against both parents being around most of kids childhoods - so single with kids really hard there.

So clearly cultrual lcoation and age group studies is going to affect the research.