To think this was a weird thing to say?

[Groves1997]

I was the only one who was an only child amongst my group of friends. I hated being an only child but this was because my mum was abusive and I wanted an ally because there’s anything wrong with being an only child.

My mum when I was 10 or so used to say to me about my friends -

“they’ve all got brothers and sisters and don’t realise you’re on your own.”

i admit i was envious at the time that they had brothers and sisters and I didn’t - but AIBU to think to be fair it absolutely WASN’T their ‘responsibility’ that I was an only child

At other times - if a girl was on her own - eg on holiday - my mum used to push me towards her implying it was my responsibility to play with her

AIBU to think my mum was batshit ??!

To me, this sounds like a complete non-issue. It's nobody's responsibility to play with anyone else but equally I think most parents would encourage their child to be nice to a kid who was on their own and might want company.

You mention that your mother was abusive. I suspect you're focusing on this fairly normal and inconsequential thing to avoid thinking about the abuse.

It sounds as though your mum was just encouraging you to proactively ask other children if you could join them to play rather than waiting to be asked, and in turn encouraging you to notice when another child was in the same position as you, because children aren’t necessarily al that great at identifying when another child doesn’t have anyone else to play with. I doubt she was thinking particularly deeply about her choice of words or suggesting it was your or other children’s “responsibility.” Agree with previous poster that your abusive childhood is probably colouring your feelings here, though.

She isn't blaming them or making you their responsibility, she was just explaining their behaviour.

Kids with siblings are not on their own on holidays and campsites and places like that, so won't have realised what it felt like or that you were waiting to be asked.

Although your mum may have been abusive in other ways, this was the kind of thing any mother would say to reassure her child that she wasn't being actively excluded and to go and join in.

Sorry me being on my own related NOT to holiday situations - being at home

Sounds pretty normal to me, she was just encouraging you to play with other kids

It sounds like you're over analysing - is this because your mum was abusive? What you've described seems like a pretty normal thing for a mum to say.

Your reaction was probably because of the abuse. If a non-abusive other said this to her only child it would probably have been long forgotten.

At other times - if a girl was on her own - eg on holiday - my mum used to push me towards her implying it was my responsibility to play with her

I don't think this is unusual...lots of parents even with multiple children will encourage their DC to make friends with a similar aged child at a park/holiday etc.

Thanks everyone who’s taken the time to respond -

im more concerned actually with the issues that my friends with siblings to be fair to them were in no way responsible for me - and mum said this when we were just ‘normal’ at home - not on holiday

“they’ve all got brothers and sisters and don’t realise you’re on your own.”

In what context would she say this? It's not a weird thing to say if it's in the context of a parent encouraging their (only) child to engage with other children at the park, on holiday, etc. In normal circumstances I would assume it's a parent attempting to make their child feel better that other children weren't including them. But your mention of abuse suggests this isn't a normal circumstance.

I also don't understand how it implies that it's their ‘responsibility’ that you were an only child. If anything, it reads as absolving them from responsibility. Again, context is helpful.

It still normal for parents to encourage their dc to go out and play with other kids.