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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in being cross with dp for saying he was going out to a barbecue for a couple of hours last night and he is still not returned????

49 replies

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 08:32

OP posts:

MayPolerBear · 11/05/2008 08:53

glad he's back

zippitippitoes · 11/05/2008 08:56

good

if you live with someone you should have the brains to realise they will be worried if you dont come in

its not about permission its about relationships and respect whoever it is mumdad partner brother friend etc any of them can worry if you say a couple opf hours and it ends up 12 hours

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 08:59

I don't have a problem with him going out or staying out late - its the total lack of thought when he has still not returned by the following day.

OP posts:

PosieParker · 11/05/2008 09:06

I'd be really really livid. I'm assuming you have children and by him not coming home he's deciding that his enjoyment is above yours, ie by him being out he prevents you having choice about what you can do and I think that requires permission, for want of a better word.

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 09:15

I have just informed him of his responsibilities - to which he replied that he is fully aware of them but needs his own time where he can do what he likes. Is this ok?

OP posts:

MayPolerBear · 11/05/2008 09:17

Yes, IMO, ikf agreed in advance. He in effect asked you to look after your DCs alone for a couple of hours yeterday - perfectly reasonable, and you agreed. He then just assumed you would do that until half an hour ago, which is not reasonable. Of course, things happen, I'm not suggesting you charge 'late fees' but he must realise he was talking the p a bit!

2point4kids · 11/05/2008 09:29

glad he's back ok, but what an arse.
he has some apologising to do today!

if you have kids then you do need to ask the other partner if they mind you going out as it implies that the partner has to be home with the kids and not have any plans themselves!

2point4kids · 11/05/2008 09:32

he has taken away your 'own time' by being out longer than he said he would be though!
its all well and good having your own time as long as you both get some and its agreed with the other partner to make sure it doesnt cross over on any of their plans!

VacantlyPretty · 11/05/2008 09:35

Message withdrawn

aDad · 11/05/2008 09:42

yep it's rude and inconsiderate to not check in to say that your plans have changed and that you aren't coming home in a couple of hours.

How long does it take to send a text or phone?

glad he's home

kittywise · 11/05/2008 09:44

I think you need to reassess what sort of relationship you have with him.

He does seem to respect you or care for your feelings

kittywise · 11/05/2008 09:44

I think you need to reassess what sort of relationship you have with him.

He does seem to respect you or care for your feelings

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 09:55

He is in bed now!!!!

OP posts:

colditz · 11/05/2008 09:59

Suggest you nip to the shops in a few minutes. Turn up wankered at 11pm tonight.

"I need time on my own to do what I like!"

colditz · 11/05/2008 09:59

GO AND WAKE HIM UP THEN!!!!!

Thomcat · 11/05/2008 10:00

Glad he's back.

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 10:00

He is still drunk - there is little point!

OP posts:

NYC6723 · 11/05/2008 10:09

he would be riding the sofa in my house for at least a few nights

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 10:11

We don't sleep in the same bed anyway.

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 11/05/2008 11:01

Jazzi - dont let him treat you like this, why dont you sleep in the same bed? He is treating you like you mean nothing to him.

I think it is totally unacceptable behaviour. I dont go out very often, when i do, im home relatively early and i certainly dont come home crashing around drunk. For your DP to act like this is disgusting. The same as it would be if a woman with children did the same thing. Im not saying people can't go out and enjoy themselves, but when you are in a relationship, you have a responsibility to the other person too. Why the hell didnt he arrange a babysitter so you coudl go to the BBQ - sorry, but he is acting like a cock

kslatts · 11/05/2008 11:14

I don't mind if DH stays out, in fact if he's had a few drinks I would rather he stay at a friends than come home and keep me awake with his snoring. But I would expect him to say that he might not be home, I would not be happy if he said he would be a couple of hours and then didn't get back until the following day. YANBU.

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 11/05/2008 11:14

We don't really go anywhere together. We go out separately. He drinks mainly at home. The reason we don't sleep together is because we just don't like sharing our space.

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 11/05/2008 11:26

Jazzi those issues need adressing, to be honest, your relationship sounds very disperate so it would almost follow that he doesnt feel the need to let you know he wont be home. You need to make a point of doing things together, if you cant you need to ask yourself why not.

itsahardknocklife · 11/05/2008 11:35

Oh I would be furious with him
I'm glad he's ok, though, as I bet you were worried.

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