My ex discarded me when I fell pregnant and and has said and done some pretty horrible stuff to me and I struggle with PTSD and intrusive thoughts about these instances (meds and therapy is helping). He is very narcissistic.
He does see our 9 month old and has him overnight once a week, and I cant complain about him with our son.
Recently, rather than grey rocking him, I have found it more freeing for myself to actually be civil/ polite/ friendly with him when we discuss our son. Almost like a forgive but dont forget mindset, (although whats hes done is unforgivable so its more for me than him - I have never told him that I forgive him) whilst ensuring I read between the lines of what he says, and dont allow myself to be swept into manipulative discussions etc or tolerate negative or provoking behaviour.
This is because its not in my nature to hold grudges and I prefer to keep my life as stress free as possible. The only issue, is that I do feel like he doesnt deserve anything but grey rock from me because of what hes put me through, but as I said, it makes life easier when you have to share a child to be civil and let go of whats been and done.
Its a weird feeling of conflict and other people dont agree with me. But I feel like by doing this, I am being true to who I am which is really healing for me.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I dont feel its trauma bond anymore, I feel like its just part of accepting the past and moving forwards whilst creating a better environment for my son.