To not want to go to this wedding?

[Semaphore]

My DP has a close work friend who is getting married in the summer overseas. He is marrying the OW he had a workplace affair with for 3 years before his wife found out. The OW was also married with children. I knew the ex-wife though was unaware of the affair. My husband said the affair was fairly obvious at the office but he didn’t tell me as it was ‘gossip’.

DP accepted the wedding invitation for us both before I even knew it was happening.
I really don’t want to go and celebrate these two cheaters.

I have witnessed first hand the devastation caused to ny best friend by her ex who cheated on her for years then told her, blamed her and left her without warning. She is still struggling with depression 8 years later.

My DP thinks I’m being stuck up and we should make a holiday of it. I just don’t see anything I want to be part of or spend money on.

Should I suck it up and go?
Any ideas for excuses not to go as my DP already accepted the invitation?

You're an adult, you don't need to make excuses - you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, even if that means upsetting your DP.

It would be a no from me, especially with the effort of going overseas.

No need for excuses, just tell them you won't be going.

He'll either have to go alone or ask if he can bring a friend.

Your husband should have asked you before committing you both to a wedding abroad. Given he didn't ask you first, you are under no obligation to honour his acceptance.

I wouldn't go either - the vows made at their first weddings clearly meant jack shit - where's the value in watching people who don't honour vows, make more of them?

You don’t really know these people- he can go if he wants, you can say no if you want

Going overseas for a workmates wedding? Nah.

I wouldn’t go abroad for a work colleague never mind a couple who got together is these circumstances.

I'd be telling him he can go on his own. You don't want to celebrate the wedding of two people whose morals you abhor, so put your foot down. Your DP can simply tell them that unfortunately he accepted the invitation for you both before checking whether you were free, and sadly you are not able to go. He caused the problem so he can fix it.

Definitely don't go, they're both disgusting and the marriage will be a sham so why play along with their shit. I'd be telling them why too.

Definitely don't go, doing so would be endorsing and appearing to cheer on their actions.

It would be a firm no from me. I wouldn't give a reason since it's not needed to decline an invitation. If your DH feels obliged to go for work relations then he can go on his own.

I wouldn’t bother with a wedding overseas unless I really cared about the people who were getting married. I definitely wouldn’t go for people I don’t like. And despite their cheating they should only have people there who support them and their relationship.

It would be a no from me. Absolutely not. You should have been asked before he accepted the invitation. You have no obligation to go and I couldn't bear to be around people like that knowing the utter carnage they cause.

Well you can’t tell him he can’t go, but obviously you don’t have to.

Just tell him to go on his todd

Spending the amount of money that it costs to travel to an overseas wedding would normally only be expected of close family and friends, certainly not for a work colleague.

Your husband was presumptuous in accepting for both of you before speaking to you about it. I'm assuming that other closer relatives and friends may be boycotting the wedding due to the circumstances in which they got together so they are inviting people that they aren't even close friends with.

Don't go if you don't want to. It sounds like a waste of money to me.

He doesn't want you to refuse because he'll feel awkward working with this guy but that's his problem Op. If your DP thinks is being snobby to refuse an invitation it tells you something about his morals.

I wouldn't go either. Abroad weddings are an expensive ballache and really only (imo) for best friends / siblings.

And I wouldn't go to a wedding where I was friends with the ex and the new bride and groom cheated.

And I'd be even more resolute if my dp replied for me. Cheek of him.

Of course you don’t have to go. I don’t think the bride and groom would want you there anyway if they knew how you feel.

DP was shocked at this thread but now accepts he’ll be going it alone!

For some reason I feel icky about your DH.

He said the affair was “obvious” but didn’t tell you, even though you knew ex wife? Are you friends? I’d be fuming if I was friends with ex wife and DH hid the affair from me

He accepts the invite for both of you to go abroad for a wedding, but fails to ask you first?

Then moans at you for your reasons not to go, and is disrespectful to your feelings?

Your DP accepted the invite, what if they expect only your DP to go? Just tell him so. If he says otherwise then tell him to take a friend and make an excuse (like you couldn't come or sth)