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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A money one - who is being unreasonable?

229 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 27/02/2025 19:55

A family member, let's call him Josh, and his girlfriend, Sophie, have been together for 5 years. Three years ago they bought a house together. Josh had inherited some money so put down the deposit of £30k, Sophie didn't have any money so didn't put down anything.

The house They loved was £210k so they used Josh's inheritance as a deposit and took out a joint mortgage of £180k. All good.

However, they have now split up. They've had 3 house valuations, and have realised that the house has gone down in value. On the advice of the EA, they are putting it on the market at £189k but have agreed that they will accept £180k for a quick sale.

The issue is this. Assuming the worst case scenario that the house sells for £180k, should Josh accept he's lost his inheritance and suck it up, or should Sophie pay Josh £15k as her "share" of the loss?

AIBU - Josh should suck it up
YANBU - Sophie should pay Josh £15k

They are both aware that the house might not sell at all!

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 21:51

He could remind her that his £30k was paid in good faith and his relative left it to him when they died, and maybe she will feel guilty?

But in reality he was silly not to ring fence it, and she could just say no, and nothing he could do about it…

I actually have exactly the same with my DH but I am Sophie. Obvs we are still together but I would definitely feel wrong taking half the money! I have already benefitted from it, in terms of it getting me on the ladder. So she is a prize bitch if she doesn’t factor in his inheritance and just walk away.

I agree with PP’s that he should get it signed over to him, and try and get a lodger or rent it out.

LadyLapsang · 27/02/2025 21:56

I think they should get a Red Book valuation, Josh should take over the mortgage and the property and Sophie may need to recompense him for half the loss in value.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 21:57

LadyLapsang · 27/02/2025 21:56

I think they should get a Red Book valuation, Josh should take over the mortgage and the property and Sophie may need to recompense him for half the loss in value.

Yes I think he should seek legal advice.

MathsMum3 · 27/02/2025 21:59

I agree with previous posters who've said it's all about percentages rather than absolute values. If they sell for £180K, the house has lost 14% of its value, so Josh's £30K deposit is now only about £26K, and this is how much he should get from the sale.

TheseCalmSeas · 27/02/2025 21:59

2025willbemytime · 27/02/2025 20:59

Sophie should probably slow down. Buying twice with two men when she hasn't got any money is bonkers.

Show quote history

Maybe the new guy is paying too 😬

She should do the right thing and contribute proportionally. If she doesn’t, I wouldn’t rush to sell tbh. She can move out and leave Josh living there & perhaps the house will go back up in price.

Shelby2010 · 27/02/2025 21:59

He’s not going to get any money, because she hasn’t got any & there’s no equity in the house. The only leverage he has is that she wants a quick sale. Could he afford the mortgage on his own?

Honeyroar · 27/02/2025 21:59

In an ideal world if the house sells for anything over £180k or whatever’s left on the mortgage then Josh should get a bit more/all of it. But that all depends on Sophie’s morals….

HMW1906 · 27/02/2025 22:06

will Sophie not agree to being taken off of the mortgage if she just walks away and lets Josh keep it? It sounds like she’s not going to get anything from it and should ideally be taking on some of the loss anyway? I presume she disagrees with that and thinks she should get half of the deposit back otherwise you wouldn’t be posting on here?

ZenNudist · 27/02/2025 22:07

Josh isn't getting any money back unkess they signed a legal agreement that protected his deposit. Very stupid not to do that.

Autumndayz77 · 27/02/2025 22:10

Only the legal is enforceable…

How much equity is in the property? Can he afford to pay her half that? Is she willing to take her name off deeds without him buying her out so she can have a clean break? I doubt she’d agree to pay him half of the loss.

I held a declaration of trust with my ex. My memory is a little hazy but I essentially got deposit back and we split equity above that 50:50. If the property made a loss below my deposit I would have had to have taken the hit.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/02/2025 22:11

@AnnaQuayInTheUk nah he should get the first 30k then the remainder is divided. but all this depends on how equity is left once the mortgage has been paid off. he would not have lost any of his inheritance had he banked it instead of putting it as a deposit for house purchase.

Tiswa · 27/02/2025 22:12

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 27/02/2025 20:55

@PyongyangKipperbang Sophie wants to buy a property with her new partner.

Can he take her name off and still cover the mortgage. She has lost her first time buyer status whatever and there clearly is no money in it at all?

and she also clearly had an affair!

JANEY205 · 27/02/2025 22:16

Guessing it’s your son OP which is clouding your judgement. He was really irresponsible to not protect his deposit and so I think he should ask her for £10,000 and accept the rest is gone. All house prices around us have skyrocketed so unless they bought a massively overpriced home in shocked by this.

JANEY205 · 27/02/2025 22:17

If he can at all he should hold on to it! Even if he has to get a tenant. He may not be able to get back on the property ladder again and prices are likely to increase again due to the housing shortage.

HollaHolla · 27/02/2025 22:19

That's a tough one. I mean, morally, I'd say she should pay back her 'half', even if she can't do that immediately. But, I've been in the situation of where an ex-partner didn't pay as much to the mortgage or deposit, and I'm still waiting for the £7k he owed me, 17 years later. So, he may be best not holding his breath.
I had to move on from it, for my mental health. I'm doing much better than him now, anyway. 😜

user1492757084 · 27/02/2025 22:20

Have they had advice on whether now is the best time to sell?
Should they rent it out and sell when they will recoup their money?
Take advice from an accountant.

If they are young, they could live as flat mates until the price goes up - as a further option.
I also agree with Josh taking the whole house on alone if that is doable with a tenant.

Redrosesposies · 27/02/2025 22:22

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 27/02/2025 20:26

Thanks for all your posts and opinions

I think Josh would like to hold on to the property but Sophie wants to sell as she has a new partner and wants to buy a property with him, but can't whilst she is still liable for this one.

Josh needs to speak to the mortgage provider to find out if they are happy for him to take over the mortgage by himself then it's a simple matter of removing Sophie from the mortgage and the deeds.
Morally she owes himself £15k but it's likely to be unenforceable.

CJsGoldfish · 27/02/2025 22:33

He should hang on to the house. Play the long game.
See if he can take the mortgage on solo and have Sophie sign off on ever claiming future equity

TheDevilWearPrimarni · 27/02/2025 22:39

@CJsGoldfish
How is Sophie buying a property with her new partner? I assume she has no deposit to contribute to the new property.

autisticbookworm · 27/02/2025 22:39

I would say technically Sophie owes Josh approx 13k?

Retiredearly61 · 27/02/2025 23:04

I can’t believe how many people are commenting that think there is a split to be made, if there’s no equity left there is nothing to split. In an ideal world Sophie would pay Josh half the losses but there was no prior agreement so this won’t happen and where would she get the money from.
As Josh has effectively lost his deposit I’d advise him to do everything he can to hang on to the house and take Sophie off the mortgage. The mortgage is likely to be less than him going to a rental and if he did it would probably take years to save up a new deposit to get back on the ladder.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/02/2025 23:05

teenmaw · 27/02/2025 20:51

Why are they selling the house and not just releasing her from the mortgage, signing it over to him?

If it's anything like my DD and her partner, it's because neither one of them can afford the mortgage alone. The bank do earning checks. My DD wanted to take on the mortgage for the house and she and XP owned, but the bank wouldn't let her on her earnings alone.
So they are having to sell the house.

GuestSpeakers · 27/02/2025 23:10

Even if Josh had ring-fenced his deposit, he still wouldn't get it back. It's gone. I'm not sure why anyone thinks Sophie should magic up £15k or worse, £25k.

UncharteredWaters · 27/02/2025 23:25

The house at 180k is 85 % of the original so he gets 85% of his deposit back. Provided they have the equity in the house to pay they? Otherwise he gets what there is and accepts the loss.

babyproblems · 27/02/2025 23:38

I think they should just sell it and split it 50:50. They shouldve been wiser before entering into this together and unmarried with nothing signed.

Realistically he would be sensible to buy her out at the lower price and rent the house out.. if he can afford it.