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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I an interfering know it all?

62 replies

adarkspringday · 27/02/2025 16:13

At a farm today I was behind a family with young children and I heard one of them say they were going to see the sheep.

I said ‘you’ve gone past them, they are back there’ and gave specific directions.

The mum said ‘well they used to be but there is a sign up saying they’ve moved.’ Turned out they had moved. I said sorry and that was that. Then heard the mum in the gift shop saying something like ‘well, found the sheep despite that interfering know it all trying to send us the opposite way!’

Was I an interfering know it all?

Yabu yes
yanbu no you were being helpful.

OP posts:
potatopaws · 27/02/2025 16:43

If I were watching this unfold, I would see a nice woman trying to be helpful and making a mistake, and an arsey, rude woman who is up herself.
I know which person I’d rather be in the company of. And it aint her! :-)

NiftyKoala · 27/02/2025 16:47

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 27/02/2025 16:33

Ewe gave gave some baa'd advice to the kids

(Yes i know kids are goats not sheep....I read it on the sign) 🙂

Edited

😆

MissDoubleU · 27/02/2025 16:49

ItGhoul · 27/02/2025 16:36

I think you were slightly know-it-allish. They hadn't asked you for your help, you just earwigged on their conversation. And also, you were wrong because they'd seen the sign and you hadn't - and it's quite irksome that you just assumed they'd made a mistake and weren't capable of finding something for themselves.

However, I get that you did mean well, and I certainly wouldn't have called you an interfering know-it-all out loud. I'd have been a bit irritated but I'd have kept it to myself.

Agree with this. They didn’t express any confusion over where the sheep were, and actually - they knew. You didn’t. If they didn’t know, you’d have sent them off on a wild sheep chase with your incorrect advice.

She didn’t need to be rude, but maybe also don’t go around assuming you have knowledge a complete stranger does not have. You’ll have to live with a little egg on your face

Diningtableornot · 27/02/2025 16:59

You were trying to help, you were interfering, she was rude.

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 17:03

Yes you were an interfering know it all. Also, eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves.
Maybe stop listening in to other people's conversations! Were you there on your own? Weren't you busy with your own kids?

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 17:04

She wasn't rude. She didn't know OP was listening to her conversation (again). Saying it to OPs face would be rude

MargaretThursday · 27/02/2025 17:11

Much depends on how you said it.

I know people who would have said this in such a way that the recipient would be thanking them for helping them even though they hadn't.
I know people who would have said it in such a way that all listeners would have longed to prove them wrong.

As you managed to give them "specific instructions" before they pointed out they'd moved, I suspect you are closer to the latter than you would like to admit.
Because if you'd been in the first category, you'd have paused after saying where they used to be, to see how what you'd said had been received and then they'd have said they had been moved.

Newfoundzestforlife · 27/02/2025 17:13

Dotjones · 27/02/2025 16:16

You should probably have stayed out of it to be honest. Giving unprovoked advice, especially unprovoked advice that is wrong, leaves you open to being seen as an "interfering know-it-all" or other less polite terms.

If you were a man (or are a man!) this would be classic mansplaining.

"Mansplaining" what a ridiculous made up modern term....about as silly as your comment really 🙄

Newfoundzestforlife · 27/02/2025 17:15

ItGhoul · 27/02/2025 16:36

I think you were slightly know-it-allish. They hadn't asked you for your help, you just earwigged on their conversation. And also, you were wrong because they'd seen the sign and you hadn't - and it's quite irksome that you just assumed they'd made a mistake and weren't capable of finding something for themselves.

However, I get that you did mean well, and I certainly wouldn't have called you an interfering know-it-all out loud. I'd have been a bit irritated but I'd have kept it to myself.

How horrible! She wasn't "earwigging" ...she'd overheard them and was trying to be helpful ffs 🙄

HeddaGarbled · 27/02/2025 17:16

Sometimes it’s in the tone.

MissDoubleU · 27/02/2025 17:17

Newfoundzestforlife · 27/02/2025 17:15

How horrible! She wasn't "earwigging" ...she'd overheard them and was trying to be helpful ffs 🙄

Show quote history

Trying to be helpful with outdated, incorrect information that was not requested.

Crazybaby123 · 27/02/2025 17:21

It is a real shame that people can't and don't want to interact with other people nowdays. That could have been a lovely opportunity to make a farm friend and talk about the day and the sheep and the farm with someone. Then say hi again in the gift shop and laugh about the sheep incident.
Instead, an innocent comment about where the sheep are has been taken as some sort of invasion of privacy becuase OP tried to offer a helpful tip.
There are two types of people in this world, twats and not twats and they rarely get on. Sad.

Chunkilumptious · 27/02/2025 17:23

I think all of the above is true but it doesn't amount to make calling territory so she was in the wrong.

Generally best not to comment on other people's conversations and leave them to it unless there's a danger or maybe they're looking visibly confused.

But you tried to help and it's not like it was a sensitive topic, or you would have tried to mislead them away from the goats for any reason. Her comment was odd.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 27/02/2025 17:27

Yeah I think you were interfering.

Both of these conversations were between other people and didn't involve you. You piped up with the wrong directions assuming you knew better then later was offended by another conversation that you weren't involved in.

You were trying to help but you weren't asked and you actually didn't know, so probably would have been better off keeping it to yourself.

NiftyKoala · 27/02/2025 17:30

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 17:04

She wasn't rude. She didn't know OP was listening to her conversation (again). Saying it to OPs face would be rude

I agree with this. While op was trying to be helpful these people were not asking for help. It wouldchave annoyed me too. I'd have rolled my eyes and ignored it . The other person wasn't rude she had no way to know op was listening to her conversation.

Everydayimhuffling · 27/02/2025 17:32

I find the idea from some PPs that people are "eves dropping" on conversations you are having at normal volume in public really weird. You do know that people can hear you, right?

OP, you were trying to help in a totally normal and reasonable way. The woman was rude.

Now, apparently, I must go think rude thoughts about the woman who commented that she needed to practice her pancake making, when she overheard me planning Pancake Day with my DC. Horrifying, clearly 🙄

Liliol · 27/02/2025 17:33

She's said 'know it all' because she knew better than you did and you still took it upon yourself to correct her.

Its only helpful if you're right!

ginasevern · 27/02/2025 17:40

HawkersNorth · 27/02/2025 16:42

I'm sorry bit I'm going against the grain here. They weren't talking to you, they weren't lost and looking for help so I'm not sure why you felt the need to step in. To me that is interfereing.

Would you feel the same if they were headed for a perilous cliff edge?

MissDoubleU · 27/02/2025 17:42

ginasevern · 27/02/2025 17:40

Would you feel the same if they were headed for a perilous cliff edge?

Show quote history

They weren’t though, were they? They were headed in the correct direction and OP was in fact the one directing them off the metaphorical cliff edge.

Maitri108 · 27/02/2025 17:45

Similar happened to me. I was on a bus and two people behind me were trying to figure out how to get somewhere.

I said, if you want to get to that place you can get a bus from -

One of them said, Well really! Actually I used to live here and we know our way around perfectly well.

Then they started muttering and gave me side eye when I got off the bus.

NovemberMorn · 27/02/2025 17:46

Stupid woman, her not you.

HawkersNorth · 27/02/2025 17:49

ginasevern · 27/02/2025 17:40

Would you feel the same if they were headed for a perilous cliff edge?

Show quote history

They weren't. Let's not make up hypotheticals.

MrsPeterHarris · 27/02/2025 17:51

Dotjones · 27/02/2025 16:16

You should probably have stayed out of it to be honest. Giving unprovoked advice, especially unprovoked advice that is wrong, leaves you open to being seen as an "interfering know-it-all" or other less polite terms.

If you were a man (or are a man!) this would be classic mansplaining.

This!

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 17:52

HawkersNorth · 27/02/2025 16:42

I'm sorry bit I'm going against the grain here. They weren't talking to you, they weren't lost and looking for help so I'm not sure why you felt the need to step in. To me that is interfereing.

Even if Op WAS interferring (which I don't believe) there was no need for the woman to be such a cow about it

Picklepower · 27/02/2025 17:55

HawkersNorth · 27/02/2025 16:42

I'm sorry bit I'm going against the grain here. They weren't talking to you, they weren't lost and looking for help so I'm not sure why you felt the need to step in. To me that is interfereing.

I agree. It's a child's farm, I'm sure they would've managed to find the sheep without help. They did not need help. If I was the woman I wouldn't be rude about it but I would like your interjection was unnecessary