I generally have an ok relationship with my mum, but during my pregnancy it has deteriorated and I’m looking for advice on whether to involve her before/after birth when I will be vulnerable but need support.
As background, I had a tough fertility journey with losses along the way, and now I’m 34 weeks with our first baby and the first grandchild in the family (I’m the eldest of 3 girls). I have struggled with tokophobia, anxiety and I’m under the care of the mental health team due to high risk of PPP/PPD. I like to be in control of things, and I am having en elective C section but I also need to have a before and after support plan in place.
I just can’t get through to my mother about the support I need from her. My psychiatrist recommended setting boundaries, which she takes so badly. Her views are that every woman goes through pregnancy, and God will guide the delivery, so why am I making such a fuss and expecting special treatment. She invited herself to stay over Christmas and made me feel dreadful about all of my decisions, especially the C section.
Feeling that I was in a good place, I asked her if she wanted to help me prepare and enjoy a gentle spa day together at the start of my mat leave 2 weeks before the birth. She declined because she’s in an amateur dramatics play! I can’t believe I am less important than her hobby, and that she committed to it so close to my delivery date.
I feel that I need to make some distance now, and keep her away from me and the baby while I am vulnerable - instead having my mother in law’s support. I feel so sad that I can’t get her to understand the support I need. This entire pregnancy has been an incredibly lonely and isolated time and I feel so let down by her. But every time we talk about it she makes me feel like I can’t get through it because I’m not doing this like a “normal” woman would.