Angry and frustrated with ex, please HELP!!!

[Tossandturn]

Broke up with my partner last month, we were together for 11 months.
I am 51 he is 49.

The problem is, I had some of the most exciting times with him day in and day out, I was quite deeply in love.

Something happened, he forced my hand such that I had to end the relationship.

The only problem was that I had never ever in my whole life experienced anything even remotely close to the sexual chemistry I experienced with him.
Frankly, up until then, I hadn’t even imagined such heights were possible.

My problem now is I am finding it difficult to forget that, my body got used to him. I find myself in a state of semi arousal day in day out, I can’t help it, it’s upsetting me, and actually it’s making me angry. Why did he have to force my hand like that? Now I feel deprived, I don’t know if I’ll experience something like that ever again, yet a crave that experience daily.

Please help me sort this out and work through it, I’m really struggling, very frustrated, and I don’t even know where all this anger is coming from. I feel so totally messed up.

Talk to me, help me, advise me. TIA

This is exactly what has happened and why I ended it.

I’ve been semi successful in thinking of him less and less, this was helped by reminding myself constantly of how terrible he was in a number of ways.

I don’t even really like him anymore let alone love him.

My main problem is this switch which I can’t find the off button for… it’s really quite infuriating, I don’t want this. I want to be how I was before I met him.

I’d say about 8 months. Greatly helped by my breakup playlist!

I think this was mine. I also became quite unaccountably broody, NEVER having been broody before in my life (a pregnancy scare cured me of that!).

As it could be at least partly due to the first symptoms of atrophy of the vagina and vulval tissues, meaning you're also more likely to irritate the skin from your usual clothes, a trip to the GP for oestrogen pessaries or topical gel might calm the physical sensations down.

I haven’t quite understood! Would you say that a different way please?

I hear you OP. I recently separated from my soon to be exH. We had the most amazing chemistry. Like nothing I’d ever experienced before … but for so many reason it wasn’t working and it had to end. It’s been three months and initially I couldn’t think of anything else … but I realise it’s no different to drugs. It’s compulsive, addictive and even though I knew the relationship was unhealthy for me - I wanted it anyway! I would suggest that you attend some CODA meetings - in person or online codauk.org/ because from the research I’ve been doing it wasn’t love - it was trauma bonding.

Thank you for the suggestions.

Things have eased a lot I’m glad to say, I didn’t want to become an irate grisly bear. I have been keeping busy and exhausting myself. I haven’t eaten much, and sleep not great either. I suppose that is enough to dampen the problem.

Very confusing feelings changing all the time
I don’t like him, but then again I admire him in a lot of ways
He makes me feel anxious, yet I find him irresistible
He’s quite ridiculous and bombastic, yet I find him incredibly sexy

I don’t actually want to sleep with him when I visualise that, because I don’t like him! Yet the memories would enter my mind and disturb my peace.

It’s all very bizarre. I don’t want to be a sexual being again, it’s way too disruptive.