To think borrowing money from a friend is almost always a mistake?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always heard that money and friendship don’t mix but I didn’t fully appreciate it until I borrowed money from a friend. Even though I paid her back, the dynamic felt different afterward - almost like there was an unspoken tension.

It got me thinking: does lending or borrowing money between friends always risk damaging the relationship? Have you ever regretted borrowing from (or even lending to) a friend? Or is it possible to do it without any issues if both people are reasonable?

AIBU to think it’s best to avoid mixing friendship and money altogether?

Depends on the amount and whether a loan is paid off, I suppose. I borrowed and landed small sums of money and, honestly, never felt any different. I borrowed a large sum of money from a friend, paid it back as agreed, 15 years on we are still absolutely fine.
Why do you think the dynamic is off? Is it coming from her or from you?

If it's a small amount and is paid back in a day or two, no.

Asking for a significant amount is going to change things. I personally wouldn't loan a large sum to a friend and I wouldn't like that they asked me.

I have never lent or borrowed money form a friend or relative and intend to keep it that way.

I borrowed from my best friend to do some work on my house. I set up
A standing order and paid it back over a year. He said I could stop paying after. Few months. But I paid him back in full.

Depends on who, why, and how much. I have close friends I’d be reluctant to lend to (because they’re shit with money and it’d only have a knock on effect) and friends who I’d happily transfer a grand to with few questions asked because I’d be certain to get it back. It’s generally not a good idea though, no.

I would never borrow and would very much prefer not to be asked to lend money.

I think that it puts people in uncomfortable positions that they would rather not be in.

While I am not interested in the least how people spend their own money, I'd find it hard to have knowledge of how they were spending any money that I'd lent them.

If you lend someone money for something you deem worthy, say fixing the boiler or whatever, but then, because you are friends, before they pay you back find out that they have just newly booked a weekend away, then this would inevitably annoy me.

I don't have this problem with gifts. It's given so you can spend it as you like, but to me that's a thing for family rather than friends.

I was absolutely strapped for cash once. My friend quietly offered me £1000 which I gratefully accepted. When I had sold my flat, I quietly gave her a cheque with a bunch of flowers.

Neither of us ever mentioned it again and it had zero impact on our friendship. Had the positions been reversed, I would have loaned her the money in a heartbeat.

A small amount repaid promptly makes no difference.

I have been a bit annoyed when I've had to either ask for it back or confirm that yes, I do require it back now as agreed not in a month or two. These are amounts of about a hundred to three hundred, not even huge sums. It's the principle. Ive lent money to help out when a friend has been temporarily stuck then it's felt like once the money enters the other person's pocket, paying it back becomes a chore they resent and hat's the change.

I wouldn't lend money again except to one or who whom I genuinely wouldn't care if I got it back.

I once loaned a friend £140-she needed it to leave her boyfriend apparently

Small fry in rl,but that's a lot of money to me

She made it clear she'd pay me back,and promptly ghosted me

Last I heard,she'd had two more babies and was still with her waster boyfriend (who spends all her money on booze and weed), she borrows to make up the shortfall and has left loads of people out of pocket

I was really pissed off-i worked so hard for that money,while this pair have never worked a day in their lives (apart from making money by breeding their cats-badly,who wants to spend upwards of £100 on a badly bred moggie?)

She'll run out of people soon-shes already moved house twice after shafting me due to people demanding their money back

Another friend 'forgot' she owes me £20,so I refuse to meet up with her (no great loss)

Never again

Certain people I wouldn't hesitate to lend to, others no chance in hell. One I wouldn't is my SIL, who never, ever pays back without a lot of trouble- apparently she "forgets".

how much did you borrow and why

If you paid your friend back as soon as you could and didn't make them wait or ask about it, I'm not sure why the dynamic has changed. One possibility could be that she's now worried you'll ask again. Or do you wonder if she's judging how you spend, now, because she was briefly involved in your financial life?

I do think it's better to avoid borrowing or lending money between friends, but if it's a rare occurrence and only a small loan paid back as quickly as possible, it shouldn't be a problem. The trouble comes in when people are too slow to return the money or are always asking for help.

I think it adds an unpleasant dimension to a friendship. The person lending will be looking closely at every purchase the borrower makes and judging it. I lent a friend some money as she said that she couldn't afford school clothes for her kid, and had no food in etc. Later that week she spent £140 getting her hair cut and coloured, got takeaways Friday and Saturday and didn't pay me back for weeks. For context, I haven't had a haircut in over a year and can count on my fingers the number of takeaways I've had in the last 10 years. Other people's haircuts and takeaways wouldn't ordinarily give me any pause for thought, but if someone owes you money it is irritating when they are spending it on things that you yourself aren't able to afford!

I’ve lend a friend £500 when she needed it and she paid it back within a month, so all was good.

But I’d always say that if the money you lend is crucial to you, never lend it if you can’t affford to lose it if your friend can’t repay it.

I've only done it once but it was a friend I trusted to pay me back (they did, over 6 months as agreed) and if they hadn't, it wasn't a terrible amount to lose.

Depends on the person, but real friends - yes, I would lend money without question.

I have borrowed money from one friend a few times and it has never affected our friendship, but she is very financially comfortable so she doesn't 'need' the money she lends me. In fact, I owe her £500 right now and when I asked her for the details to make the transfer, she said don't worry if you're short, don't put yourself out to pay me back right away. To be honest, if I never paid her back she wouldn't bat an eyelid but of course I will.

When we were teens/early twenties, I had plenty of money and she was on a tight budget, so the roles have reversed. Back then, I covered stuff from time to time without keeping a tab and never expected anything back. Not the same as a loan, but the sentiment was the same - we have each other's backs.

Lending to people who might fritter it away or never pay you back, or lending large sums (which is relative, of course, to your circumstances) is a different matter.

In your situation, OP, I can't imagine what the issue is. Are you perhaps overthinking it? If you really feel tension there then I'm not sure what to advise, as you did everything right. She didn't need to lend you the money if she wasn't comfortable with it.

I've lend money to a friend. 15k and she paid it back over the agreed amount of time.

Another friend, nope. It would make her life harder over the next few months. I generally give her money (not 15k! Usually give her £100 here or there).

Actually, it is lending money what the mistake is.

I won't be loaning any money again after a few bad experiences.

I’d happily lend money to close friends (and have) and would hate to think they’d felt weird about it - I couldn’t care less what they were spending money on before paying me back either as I wouldn’t lend if I needed it myself. Hopefully you’re just feeling a bit self-conscious and over thinking it and it will be back to normal friendship again soon.

I do think it’s true though that you should think about whether you care more about the money or the friend before loaning and only loan if it genuinely wouldn’t bother you if you never were repaid.

My DH lent about £700 to a friend of his as friend said they were struggling to pay their rent that month (January) but would be able to pay it back in three installments, so would all be paid back by the end of April. No payments were made and when DH asked about it he was told they were still struggling.

In June they posted pictures on Facebook of the new camping equipment and trailer tent they had just bought and how they were looking forward to lots of weekends away.

DH was really annoyed. He contacted his friend and said he was glad to see things were looking up financially for them, so could he have his money back. He then got a barrage of drunken abusive messages from friend's wife, which effectively ended the friendship.

DH did get his money back in the end, but the friendship was destroyed.

Never lend more than you are willing to just give as a gift.

It's easy to say I'd never ask friends for money when you have access to overdraft or banks.
But generally I wouldn't lend or borrow money unless it was a short term emergency, ie someone's lost their purse with bank cards and can't access money for a few days

There has been times in the past when I've gone to work without money and borrowed money for lunch, replayed it the next day. At one point I used to keep a fiver in my desk drawer, before the office got broken into. And now it's Hot Desks so nowhere to keep a fiver although I now have card on my phone

From Shakespeare "neither a lender nor borrower be". Human nature hasn't changed from then to now on this.

Yes. It is often a bad idea.

I don't mind €20/€50 for a couple of days, no problems, I'm from an area where that is acceptable, same with giving milk or sugar if the shops are closed, but I wouldn't be comfortable lending a large amount, I'd definitely say no.