Epilepsy or bad dad what would you do

[Inbedwithted]

I have a daughter with a man who has epilepsy. This guy has t seen her in 17 months and will constantly let her down.
I had a house fire when she was 3 months old I rang him and he didn't come. She went to hospital for eating a wash pod at 1 and he didn't come then just before she turned two I had a Claire's law disclosure which had 14 disclosuress of things like threatening a knife to a sister boyfriend threateinng to send a girls nudes rounf and a arrest or rape and blackmail with no conviction.
The no conviction ate away at me so I recently reached out and offered him to see his daughter.

Now back to back story he has epilepsy and will often use "had a sezure as a excuse" he said it to me one's and my friend saw him in the pub another time the barberss. I booked a tattoo once whilst he had our daughter and cancelled 5 minutes before saying he could feel a sezure coming on and had to go home, he went to the pub.

Now yesterday I said to nest at softplay so he could see his daughter and he said he had a nap and then he messaged saying he could come at 7pm to my house in which I replied my daughter would be in bed and he said well you stopped it not me plus I had sezuresz

I can't deal with it anymore he makes me feel like I don't care for his epielpsy and I'm the most heartless women. My daughter is also in a stage of calling Everyman dad (from peppa pig) and it's got to a point I don't think I can try again.

This man did stalk me also which I reoriented to the police multiple times so I don't want to give him my new adress.

What would you do al I being selfish to cut all contact to his epilepsy or am I doing what's right .

Sorry it's confusing I feel so confused by everything and as you can't disclose Claire's law in real life I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

My house had a faulty socket 🤣🤣🤣🤣

And my child was 2 months at the time I don't know what dangerous item she was holding in her rocker when our electric plug in the kicthen blew up which led to the work tops going on fire but glad you where there to stop my two month old causing it

She was at her aunties I was in the hair dressers and I had a phone call saying to meet at hospital?

Some of you are so unkind! My fire was a faulty plug socket my daughter ate a wash pod at her aunties where she found one that had fallen on the floor which was out of my control but also doesn't make my sister a baby mum it was a Accident!!! I was just explaining the two times something had happened he didn't turn up (pre Claire's law)

We also had carbon monoxide poising due to a dodgy boiler in our temporary accommodation i gues that's my fault too I just didn't ask her dad to come as by that point I hade his Claire's law.

I just had a fear of her resenting me as a teenager and I thought I'd see if he wanted to see her in a public place (all which was agreed as safe bu the women from the charity I had rang) he didn't turn up and I blocked him and felt guilty and wanted to be reassured I did the right thing.

I have anxiety it's easy to overthink and I can't discusss his Claire's law in real life and in face everyone locally loves him and thinks he's great which also makes me question myself.

Some of you really are just so unkind. My fire was the worst thins that every happened to me sitting in my front room with a. 2 month old baby and the kicthen catching fire and my house filling with smoke. At no point did I want to lose all my beleomgs or put my 2 month old through that. I also am in close contact with our local women's charity who referred me to therapy where I realised I was nervous of my daughter resenting me.

Some of you have never been in a relationship which appears normal we broke up due to him spending all Sundays at football with no domestic violance for 5 years... and 2 months after that he turned nasty and I found out his Claire's law he's actually never saw his daughter since although I would have gone to soft play whicj I can now see I'm lucky didn't work out.

There is no need to put someone down for a post online which summarises some parts of a child's life but not all of it. I was a teacher with two degrees before I met that man and he took everything from me and has left me so brain washed I did have him blocked from July last year and he emailed me a month ago which I replied to about 2 weeks ago due to my concerns he's mows blocked.

My helath visitor actually came round yess d said my daughter is a hleathy two year old who's reached all her milestones attends playgroup with me two mornings a week and a nursery and there is nothing more I could do (shouldn't have contacted his dad) but I have learnt that and wanted to be reassured.

I wasn't there, but you were
You can take it personally or you can recognise that your child has been in danger at least twice in her short life and decide if there is anything you can do to ensure her safety in future

I have no idea why this would be funny

He is not and never would be my boyfirned I tried to meet him at softplay to see his daughter

The faulty plug socket wasn't funny but saying I'm a bad mum as I had a fire is ????????

Can you show me where I or anyone else said you were a bad mum?
You can't

He's not my partner and hasn't been for years!!!!!! I wanted to know if I was in the wrong for cutting him off I'm clearly not??? This is me at ti be a website for people that don't have the opportunity to speak in real life (BECAuSE THE CLAIREs @aW) to get help.

If I didn't care about my daughter she would have seen her dad months ago or I would be in a new relationship but I've never done that I've literally just tried to do the best by her which is why I wrote on here. I did have a fire but how that or a accidnet when my daughter was in someone else's care defects anything on my child is beyond me.

It’s really interesting how I had a post removed earlier for gently pointing out the op is continuing to make poor decisions for her child, on a post far more serious than this. And yet posts like these berating the op are ok?

Why the hell would you want him anywhere near your daughter??? He sounds horrific. Start protecting your daughter.

You need to focus on the very simple issue here. Forget about the fire, the CO2 poisoning, the washing pod, the tattoos, what he said to you, what you said to him, what anyone here said that you don’t like. stop assuming that people here know nothing and you are the only single parent or the only one who has lived with abuse.

Stop looking for attention or sympathy or medals for being a single mum. There are hundreds of thousands of us in the UK.

The simple issue is - do you want to keep raising your child or do you want her to go into foster care ? Because if you don’t stop having contact with this man and leaving your baby with him, that’s where she will end up.

I know a lot about this and you are heading right that way . I’ve seen this many times.

So forget him, arrange child care and get back to work.

Access all the support groups that Pp have mentioned . Do the Freedom Programme. Get counselling.

Never contact this man again. If he contacts you, report it to the police. If he says he will take you to court, ignore him. Because he won’t.

Stop posting anything about your child on social media . Stop posting anything about yourself on SM unless it’s locked down.

Focus on your child and building your own life and career.

You've done all you can to be a good mum and let her have contact and know her dad.

He isn't being a dad.

Just stop trying. If he wants to see her let him take your incident and let the judges decide.

Until then do a CMS claim so at least he's paying something towards her upkeep even if it's the minimal because he's not working due to health reasons.

There no point trying to force an unwilling parent. I'm not going to deny it's tough because I've been there. But once I switched my mindset to "look at this wonderful son he's missing out on" with regards to how I viewed my ex it was easier to deal with. In my head I made it his problem and his loss iyswim?

Your child and yourself are too important to be in the company of this man. He has a long criminal record involving violence. Ignore the judgemental shouty unhelpful comments on here. You are surving whatever way you know how. It is so tough to have no hands on support. Speak to social services about local womens group where you can bring your child to learn e.g. diy skills, ( wish I had !!) Cooking meals with what you have, learning about benefits/ employment laws or opportunities and maybe learning about your feelings about yourself to be kind to yourself and dealing with criticism from others ( often judgemental criticism!) She will give you backlash about her father but you keep her safe and when she matures towards adulthood she will learn that too how protective you were. Mention how men should be good to all women...not threatening or using their hands/ fists for violence.
He js using his epilepsy to make you feel guilty...you are not responsible for him is his feelings that is his job. Big hugs

I've never been reported to the police. Most people I know have never been reported to the police. 14 disclosures without conviction is pretty strong evidence that he has done some bad things. I wouldn't believe anyone could be so unlucky that there would be so many malicious reports made for no reason. Don't keep inviting this predator in to your daughters life.

You owe him nothing. He is a useless sod. Keep your daughter well away from him and from you. Concentrate on giving your daughter the best life you can, and you deserve the best for you as well. Which means a calm peaceful life with your dear daughter.

How is she obviously a good mum? Why do people make these ridiculous statements on threads like this?!

Maybe because she's facilitating contact with a serious criminal?!

Because she's so worried about her child and what to do for the best. Bad parents don't think like that.

What to do for the best? Is the choice to give your baby access to a violent sex offender really such a quandary?