Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gut feeling- should I continue?:

17 replies

Starsandsparkles112 · 26/02/2025 06:56

I'm texting this guy who replies almost instantly. He even made a thing of jt and said you probably think i just sit around for you to reply (he replies within 2-3 mins)
Yesterday he wad panicking because he didn't send me a question in his long text so then sent me a question.
I found out he rents with his mum and his brother has moved back with them. Apparently they are both long stories that he did not say.
I asked about hobbies and he has none other than going for a walk sometimes and said he's close to his family. He has already asked me if I want children ane I was honest and said I'm not too keen to have anymore and he said something about wanting 1 and not being a part time dad (he's childless).
He's now asked for a phone call.
Historically I've always ignored my gut and been in unhealthy or abusive relationship.
I don't think I want to pursue this guy but im also aware in the past I've said no so many times to emotionally available guys who are healthy.
So aibu to stop talking to this guy?
Would this put you off?

OP posts:
AlertCat · 26/02/2025 06:59

If you don’t think you want to see him, don’t. You don’t need an explanation, especially at this stage.

FWIW guts are pretty useful.

HamSpray · 26/02/2025 07:02

AlertCat · 26/02/2025 06:59

If you don’t think you want to see him, don’t. You don’t need an explanation, especially at this stage.

FWIW guts are pretty useful.

Edited

This.

And these situations keep coming up on here lately — people texting peiole they e never met and appearing to think they need an explanation for not wanting to go on a date with them. OP, you don’t want to, so don’t.

Original poster
Starsandsparkles112 · 26/02/2025 07:08

I know i feel silly asking but because my view of relationships are so skewed I don't trust my judgement sometimes and think am I passing a good relationship by, by being picky over things.
I asked on the dating thread if I was being picky about the instant messages and someone told me that yes I was being picky about it and there was nothing wrong with instant replies

OP posts:
Blantyre23 · 26/02/2025 07:09

Starsandsparkles112 · 26/02/2025 07:08

I know i feel silly asking but because my view of relationships are so skewed I don't trust my judgement sometimes and think am I passing a good relationship by, by being picky over things.
I asked on the dating thread if I was being picky about the instant messages and someone told me that yes I was being picky about it and there was nothing wrong with instant replies

Keep being picky, trust your instincts.

DatingDinosaur · 26/02/2025 07:10

It would put me off and I'd listen to my gut and act on it.

Edit - it's not the instant replies that would put me off, it's his behaviour and over-explaining and justifying his life and seeming to be wanting to fast track a not even first date to family life. Too much too soon.

MotionofTime · 26/02/2025 07:16

My DH is very different in person to his texting communication - I met him in 'real life' so it was fine. If I'd met him online and initially talked via texts I don't think I'd have met him!

So I say, give him a chance in person.

SheridansPortSalut · 26/02/2025 07:19

You're reading too much into a few texts. At least have a conversation with the guy before making a decision.

AlertCat · 26/02/2025 07:20

Well, why can he reply immediately? Is he not working? Never driving somewhere? Never sets his phone down to go swimming or read a book? I would worry that I would be his sole focus and that would get old pretty quickly.

Shepherdscrookish335 · 26/02/2025 07:22

Go with your gut.

You don’t need to explain, just say that owing to a change in circumstance, you no longer wish to meet up.

Olika · 26/02/2025 07:27

By the sound of it this man just sits home doing nothing and on his phone all the time. I would find it very unattractive.
Don't ignore your gut.

Roseshavethorns · 26/02/2025 07:29

If you don't want to speak to him or take it further then don't. You don't owe him anything.
The instant reply thing would depend on what time you were messaging. If it's 8pm on a Tuesday and he is hanging out at home watching TV, it wouldn't bother me, if it's at all different times then I may start to wonder why he was never busy doing other things.
At the end of the day I would say go with your gut. I would imagine that there is more bothering you than he replies to you very quickly. The beginning of a relationship should be great, not closing your eyes to things that don't feel right just in case he might be ok. Because, yes, you may be missing out on what could be a good relationship by saying no but then you could also be missing out on a great relationship by spending your time and energy on something that's not quite right. That doesn't mean he is not a great person, just not right for you and it's perfectly fine to say that too.
At the end of the day you are worth more than just ok.

GreyCarpet · 26/02/2025 07:30

Your gut feeling is your body reacting to small things that don't sit right with you. Your body is telling you that this man isn't right for you.

It doesn't mean he wouldn't be right for anyone or everyone but that it doesn't feel right for you.

Instant replies, no hobbies and talking about having children - those things may signify to one person that he is ready to settle down, serious about the future, and not likely to mess them about. To others it might signify moving too fast, lacking independence and neediness. When they're just opposite sides of the same coin really and it depends what you're looking for - one man's junk is another man's treasure and all that.

No one is perfect but I wouldn't bother meeting someone I felt anything less that enthusiastic about meeting. Life is too short.

category12 · 26/02/2025 07:34

Well, if you don't want more children and he wants them, then it's pointless starting anything anyway?

I mean it would be miles off but you already know you're on different pages in life.

Original poster
Starsandsparkles112 · 26/02/2025 07:56

GreyCarpet · 26/02/2025 07:30

Your gut feeling is your body reacting to small things that don't sit right with you. Your body is telling you that this man isn't right for you.

It doesn't mean he wouldn't be right for anyone or everyone but that it doesn't feel right for you.

Instant replies, no hobbies and talking about having children - those things may signify to one person that he is ready to settle down, serious about the future, and not likely to mess them about. To others it might signify moving too fast, lacking independence and neediness. When they're just opposite sides of the same coin really and it depends what you're looking for - one man's junk is another man's treasure and all that.

No one is perfect but I wouldn't bother meeting someone I felt anything less that enthusiastic about meeting. Life is too short.

Thanks i should trust it more! I always just have this voice of doubt telling me to ignore it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsandsparkles112 · 26/02/2025 07:58

Olika · 26/02/2025 07:27

By the sound of it this man just sits home doing nothing and on his phone all the time. I would find it very unattractive.
Don't ignore your gut.

That's what I'm kind of getting. He works from home and seems to be on his phone alot!
He was doing a favour for his brother and picking him up and he used his car to send me a text because he didn't want me thinking he was ignoring me. I didn't and told him I wouldn't have thought that. He just seems quite panicky about replying straight away!

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 26/02/2025 08:20

The quick responses are such a thin line to wanting an immediate response, then you're already starting on the "oh no, must respond " or he will get annoyed, angry, upset? better do it quick...

It's the stepping stones to toxic.

Don't ignore your gut. It's telling you Noooo

Don't convince yourself you owe strangers anything. You don't have to jump just because they text.

If you're truthful, are you ready to date? Are you recovered from the toxic past and strong enough to know you won't fall foul again? If you are, then set your boundaries of what you're willing to give and receive, and don't break them for strangers on the Internet just in case they feel bad, you're not responsible for how they deal with a normal interaction.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 26/02/2025 08:24

He sounds panicky, needy and dull

If these are characteristics you find attractive, then your intuition is wrong!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread