Feel like I've made a mistake, pregnant with baby number 2

[anon771]

I feel so so awful for feeling this way.

I’m 11 weeks pregnant with number 2 and wondering what the hell I’ve done.

I have a 2 year old daughter, slept through the night since 8 weeks old, still sleeps 7-7 now. She’s my whole world.

We both wanted a second, and now I’m pregnant and it’s starting to feel real I’m wondering how I’m going to cope.

I’m due in September, toddler is due to start nursery in September, my husband is a hands on dad when at home but we run our own business and he works 50 hour weeks, sometimes more. We have a great relationship and he is a great Dad.

I don’t know if it’s my hormones as I’m petrified baby won’t be okay at my scan next week which tells me I absolutely want them and want them to be okay but I’m also terrified, I have it “easy” when it comes to my daughter. I sleep 9 hours a night, she’s an easy going, happy child and I’m feeling guilty towards her. Also is sending her to nursery in September a good idea when we are due baby then? Shall we delay until next term so she doesn’t feel pushed away/too many big changes happening in a short period of time?

I also suffer depression and anxiety and I’ve been on meds for 16 years for depression. Some days I still have bad days and everything seems so overwhelming but I get it done for my girl, I’ve started worrying if I’ll be able to cope.

Did anyone else feel the same? I feel so horrible for feeling like this 😢

I had panic moments at points in my second pregnancy- normally along the lines of everything is so amazing right now with my amazing son, am I now ruining that by changing it. I think it’s very normal.

It’s normal to worry about the first when the second is coming along but it’ll be fine. Do send her to nursery as she’ll enjoy it and she might find the baby a bit boring at first. Once your second is a bit older they’ll love playing together, they’ll fall out, irritate each other, look out for each other, miss each other when they’ve only been apart 10 minutes, get up to all sorts of adventures together.

I think this is fairly common when number 2 comes along. Two children (for many) is more difficult however, so I think it’s a good thing to go into it as pragmatically as you can. However, try not to do the ‘what if’ kind of thinking – you have no idea what temperament your second child will have, so there is zero point in worrying about it. Just take each day as it comes.

It's not about you anymore I'm afraid. It's about your new baby and giving your eldest a sibling and not inflicting the trauma of being an only child on it.

It's normal don't worry.. but it is a big change so use these feelings to get prepared if you can... I found 1 to 2 very hectic but also fab. It's a totally different dynamic and such a fun time. Enjoy.

Trauma of being an only child?!? You aren't serious?

Sorry, what? Inflicting the trauma of being an only child HAS to be a joke. I know some people would’ve preferred siblings but that in itself isn’t traumatic.

I was an only child and grateful for it, DH has siblings and wishes he grew up an only child and a lot of people have actual trauma inflicted on them by their siblings. Strange comment.

Sounds mainly like normal thoughts during a second pregnancy. You’re worried about how you could possible love another as much as your first, and worried about upsetting the status quo when it’s good! I felt like this too - all worked out well.

You do sound a little preoccupied by sleep though, in the sense that you mention how well your daughter sleeps before saying how much you love her. Neither of mine have ever yet slept 7-7 and they still manage to be my whole world! I’m sure it would be the same for you if this baby wakes you up occasionally.

There’s no trauma from being an only child ffs. Mine couldn’t be happier at almost 16.

Normal worries but can you send 2yo to nursery sooner? Just so your daughter doesn't link the baby with her going to nursery the first time.

If she's settled and enjoying nursery by the time baby comes it will be a fun safe place for her where her routine hasn't changed compared to her home environment where everything is changing. Where no one is focused on new baby. Then you get 1 to 1 snuggle time with baby during the day without having to worry about entertaining a toddler that might feel left out, then hand off baby if you can to DH more when he's home to have special mummy daughter 1 to 1 time when she's at home.

Thank you so much everyone.

@Allsoundsgood I see how it looks now I've read it back, it wasn't connected to the sleep I should have put it in a different sentence.

Of course our 2nd baby will be our whole world too, whether they are up 10 times a night or sleep through. X

When my second was born I felt a bit like I'd ruined my first born life by having a newborn and disrupting our whole routine but in reality it was all fine.

The trauma of being an only child?! 😂 I've heard it all now.
Wish I was an only child, my siblings were a trauma lol

You will all be fine. When I found out I was pregnant with no2, we had just decided to stop trying as Dh had just been put on antidepressants due to an awful neighbours. I cried and cried when I saw that positive test.

The first night home with dd2, she cried and woke dd1 up in the middle of the night and again I sobbed wondering if I’d ruined her life.

They’re now best of friends (mostly!)

If you can, I’d get dd1 settled into nursery a month or two before baby arrives so she doesn’t link the two and is settled before the new arrival. You will treasure those few hours alone with your youngest while she’s at nursery and she will be off having a blast.