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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son and taxi service

10 replies

VinRouge5 · 25/02/2025 19:11

The title should say daughter

Ugh so i have just had a row with my DP and now i'm wondering if i over-reacted. We are both busy people and have two children between us.

We take our 18 year old DD to work at the weekend and pick her back up (she doesn't drive) and any extra days she might pick up in the week. She takes herself on the bus to college but asks daily for a lift to the gym for various classes she does. It's about a15 minutes drive.

I just spent a good hour cooking a lasagne with various trimming, having traipsed to two supermarkets for the ingredients. Meanwhile my DP took our youngest to karate which he does once a week. As soon as he got back, dinner was ready, and he said "i'm just dropping DS at the gym, she asked me earlier". WTF. Dinner was ready to be served. Am i being unreasonable to be upset? DD has been lounging in her room hours and could have made the effort to bus it there. Off they trotted while the dinner dried up.

Now i'm calm i'm wondering if I over-reacted. Did I? We have had this row a few times before when i think DD should be taking a bus but DP will just say yes and give her a lift.

OP posts:
ChonkyRabbit · 25/02/2025 19:13

She'd like a lift and he's happy to do it. I don't see a problem.

LadyLucyWells · 25/02/2025 19:15

ChonkyRabbit · 25/02/2025 19:13

She'd like a lift and he's happy to do it. I don't see a problem.

Agree.

Original poster
VinRouge5 · 25/02/2025 19:19

Okay. I waa just upset over the dinner and expected us to all sit down and eat not bolt and let it dry up. I do feel like i over-reacted once calmed down though.

OP posts:
SpongeKnobNoPants · 25/02/2025 19:27

They agreed the lift before you did dinner, so your DP can't just agree and then say "oh, your mums done my dinner, I can't give you that lift any more" I expect her classes begin at specific times, don't they?

I agree with you in part, of course your DD should be able to get the bus and not constantly rely on lifts. But you need to make it clear that there will be no lifts at dinner time if a meal has been arranged for everyone to have together. And you need to tell everyone what time it'll be at. Then, if your DD wants to go to a gym class at that time instead, she will have to arrange to get the bus.

Communication is al it takes to solve this, surely?

KrisAkabusi · 25/02/2025 19:40

Communication is al it takes to solve this, surely?

If people communicated, you'd lose 90% of the threads here!

Ooral · 25/02/2025 19:50

I see this type of thing a lot, some people (imo) ruin the children by running them all over the place.

Kids then expect it as well. Bus/bike/feet when I was young...

Runningoutofthyme · 25/02/2025 19:54

VinRouge5 · 25/02/2025 19:19

Okay. I waa just upset over the dinner and expected us to all sit down and eat not bolt and let it dry up. I do feel like i over-reacted once calmed down though.

presumably you could eat yours and still enjoy it?

if your dh wants to eat it cold up him 🤷‍♀️

MargaretThursday · 25/02/2025 20:02

I have been on the opposite side. Where I've said I'll give a lift and dh has then started on about taking a bus and it always ends up with bad feeling all round which is totally unnecessary.

He grew up in a town with good transport links. We have 2 buses an hour (if they turn up) within 5 minutes of each other and that cost ridiculous amounts per journey. And actually I don't want especially the dds taking the risk of late night coming back where they may have to wait in a fairly deserted area for an unreliable bus.

So it is totally different situation to what he is thinking about.

As soon as he starts the "they should be making their own way" it always ends up with bad feeling. I've considered the situation, what I'm doing etc before I've offered. So I don't mind doing it. it feels an attempt to control what I choose to do for our children and backing out at that point lets them down and it's not fair to expect that.

And I like the time alone with them. We have some of the best talks just two of us in the car. That's worth a lot as they get older.

ExtraOnions · 25/02/2025 20:03

It’s only a Lasagne … stick it in the microwave

Pineapplewaves · 25/02/2025 20:11

Did you tell your DH and DD what time dinner would be ready? Did DD tell you that she was going to the gym and would eat later?

If so I would expect DH to drive DD to the gym and be back in time to eat dinner with me. I would expect DD to be ready to go at the agreed time. I would leave DD's dinner on the side for her return.

If there was no conversation and you all decided to do as you pleased then you're all as bad as each other.

You are allowed to be upset that you've been left to eat alone. I would be too. I'd be sitting everyone down for a conversation about manners later.

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