To think that every family is messed up in some way?

[ByFluentPombear]

I’ve yet to meet a single family that doesn’t have some kind of dysfunction - whether it’s drama, strained relationships, hidden resentments, or just weird unspoken rules. Some are worse than others, of course, but AIBU to think that a ‘perfectly functional’ family just doesn’t exist?

Yes, yes and yes!! And if people say no it’s because they don’t know the secrets 🤣🤣

Most definitely!

Healthy functioning families must exist somewhere so I voted YABU 😅, but I don't know any.

In my family there are varying levels of dysfunction amongst different family branches. Quite severe in some and less severe in others. A sliding scale, I guess, I ld prefer to be part of the low level dysfunction if at all possible.

Nope , me and DB had and still have a very good relationship ( we are in our 50s )
Dm & dd met in there early 20s had DB after a year then me 18 mnts later.
They were happily married all their lives until our DM died. DD heartbroken.
We are close to all extended family on both sides .

I have to disagree. My parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I'm
Close to my two brothers and their wives and when we all get together we have a great time!

I completely agree if they say no there is definitely a secret 🤣

my family are all barking (apart from me of course).

It depends on what you class as dysfunction I suppose, it's a bit of a sliding scale. No family is ever going to be perfect but I know of a lot who are a hell of a lot better than mine

None of the families that I know well enough to say are completely functional. But I absolutely believe it exists. I wish I could give my DC a functional extended family, what a dream that must be.

I mean my extended family are great, we all get Together often and have a great time and love each other to the bone but we are still highly dysfunctional and have dramas! 🤣🤣

Philip Larkin agreed with you: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

Just clicked on the link and read this 😂🤣👆. He’s not wrong either.

Every family is nuts. And those that go No Contact for anything that isn't actually abuse are on a hiding to nowhere when their own children grow up and start accusing them of getting parenting wrong.

Surely the whole point of maturing and becoming an adult and a parent, is recognising our imperfect parents did their best? I thought my mum had been an awful mum until I got to about 35 and actually thought about the childhood she had had which completely put into perspective her parenting of me.

2nd mention of the disclaimer, I'm NOT talking about accepting abuse. That is in a league of its own.

I was only saying this the other day to a friend 😆!! I definitely agree... in my 40 odd years of living including moving areas a few times as an adult and meeting many among the way, everyone I have known well enough to discover has some sort of dysfunction!! I have a larger extended family too, although not especially close but each of them has something going on!! I have one sibling who is a complete nightmare a lot of the time!!

Well one family’s nuts or dysfunction is another’s normal surely? I guess it depends what you mean…weird unspoken rules I don’t think are messed up. I’d argue it also depends on how you define “family”…as far as I know there’s nothing messed up about my immediate family but one of my sets of grandparents essentially lived a lie of a marriage becusse they didn’t want the embarrassment of a divorce so just lived separate lives.
Me and DH are perfectly normal…just don’t look in the cellar. Or the spare room. Or the loft for that matter. I’d also advise staying out of the shed. And for the love of god don’t dig up the patio.

I mean yes, but there is a pretty big disfunction difference between Homer Simpson and Fred West. I would say over all I am close with parents and sibling, but we are all very different. Relations with the in laws are another matter entirely!

Or could people with dysfunctional families need all families to feel thry are dysfunctional because it makes them feel better,?

I can't say mine feels that interesting to be anything really just average I guess, not meant as a good or bad thing

Look on the brighter side - family is the one place where you can totally let your hair down without repercussions.

I haven't voted, because although there may be families out there free of even mild dysfunction, I haven't yet come across any. Growing up can stink. Being an adult can be tough. Raising the next generation can be a nightmare and so can not doing so if it's what you desperately want. As for looking after those who came before us. . . Many of our problems can be resolved if we throw enough money at them, but not all and they can be the most intractable.

On the other hand, there's mild dysfunction of the sort that can make people hard work and then there's all-out, toxicity and venomous nastiness. I'm currently reading Susan Forward's book about toxic in-laws and I recognise some elements of what she's saying in people on both sides of our family. But she also describes horror shows I can honestly say I've never seen close up. There's a difference between a parent you don't want on holiday with you because s/he will drive you silly and one you don't want to see at all.

Ha - yeah.

Alcoholic FIL (nc). Alcoholic DSD's mum (has now died from alcoholism). Paedophile brother in law (nc). One of my grandmothers killed herself. My mum was only young when this happened and spent a lot of time in care. My other grandparents had a messy divorce with long-lasting effects. MIL is a narc who writes poison pen letters to my DH when the mood takes her (lc). SIL thinks she can get in everyone's business but is still married to aforementioned paedo so really shouldn't be telling everyone else what to do.

And breathe.

On the plus side, my parents have been happily married over 40 years and I have a great relationship with my DSis and her partner my other DBIL. My DH is wonderful too.