To support my son's decision to invite a shy classmate to his sleepover party in order to get to know him better, despite his own uncertainty and lack of familiarity with the boy?

[fromthbottomofmyheart]

My DS (Y11) wants to invite a shy classmate to his sleepover party as a way to get to know him better, but he's unsure if it's a good idea since none of his friends know the boy well. He also claims not to know the boy very well, though he has 'good feelings' about him. His own apprehensions prevent him from asking the boy to meet up outside of school alone, so the sleepover is his excuse to see him outside of school. Should I agree with him that it's a good idea? At first I agreed, but he seems to have misgivings about whether it's the right course of action to take. He says the boy will be free that evening.

The sleepover is one of his regular ones consisting of his male friendship group, all of whom he became close with in primary and early in secondary school. They don't know about his plan yet.

Can he invite him over for dinner first?

Hanging out beforehand (even if it’s chatting over their games console with headsets) might make it easier as there’s a natural end time if it doesn’t go well or one of them is nervous.

I think it sounds like an awkward nightmare for the new boy, although presumably he can decline the invite.

What apprehensions does your son have about meeting him one-on-one outside of school? Couldn't he just come over for dinner or go to a movie or something? Is your son interested in this boy romantically?

He is welcome to if he so wishes
It's an open house.

I think jumping into a sleepover is a little much. That's something you do when you're already close friends, not something to get to know each other.

Definitely invite him over for dinner first, or to another daytime activity.

Ask him for dinner before the sleepover if you can?

You are raising a Gent. Could he say to the other boy that he is having some friends over for a sleepover and say that he is welcome to join for the sleepover or equally welcome to call in and have pizza etc.

What a kind son you have. I’d definitely encourage this and invite him and just make sure everyone was happy throughout the sleepover.

My shy child hates sleepovers even with his actual friends. I don’t think it’s a good way to get to know a stranger in the context of an already-close group.

Year 11 or age 11?

Do 15/16 year old boys still have sleepovers?!

Your son sounds absolutely lovely 💗 reaching out to a shy child who may otherwise be overlooked.

I think either invite him for tea first and then to the party- a shy child may need a specific invite for tea, he may not feel OK just turning up even if you have an open house.

With the birthday, your son could say he is having the party and everyone is welcome to either sleep over or just come for pizza etc and go when they feel ready. That way, he has the option.

An invitation to the cinema would be rather out of the blue, he imagines.

Romantic? Honestly, I wouldn't know!!! Romance isn't something we have ever touched on. His time is divided between friends, rugby, and video games.

Year 11!

As a shy person myself this would have been my worst nightmare🙈 I’d much rather a meet up first something casual - sport, food, gaming?

This is what I was thinking, too.

If there there any kind of daytime group event he could ask him to would be much less intense than a sleepover (do they still call it a sleepover at their age???).
Like going to a rugby match/day out somewhere/any kind of organised activity the new kid could join in on and ease into the social group.
Assuming the other friends are also OK with including him, if he hasn't asked them first he should. Whatever his motivation for wanting to know this kid better then if they aren't keen it would be better to meet him separately.

How is that more out of the blue than an invitation to sleep at his house?
Make it something like 'group of us are going to see x film' or maybe coming over to play a new game of he is into video games too?