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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my sister resents me

3 replies

Justkeepswiimming · 25/02/2025 14:28

I need to some help to see if I'm overthinking this. My younger sister and I used to be pretty close. Since I married, had kids etc we have very much grown apart. She doesn't and has chosen not to have children which doesn't perhaps help with the distance.

Recently I feel she has startled to try and show me up in front of family and particularly my parents. She's always had a bit of an issue with me and my older sisters who she's perceived as having more and better things than her ( my older sisters are 15ish years older than me). But this seems to go further. When we are all together she has started going over and over embarrassing things that I'd done when we were kids. Or dropping me in it on things that I got up to as a kid/teen.

At first I just passed it off as a bit of banter, but it's every single time We get together, she has a drink and just launches into all this stuff she knows my parents don't know or stuff that makes me look bad. It feels almost like she is trying to demean and humiliate me in front of the wider family. To the point now where I'm beginning to feel she harbours some dislike or resentment towards me. And I just don't understand why. As kids we had a tricky home life and I worked incredibly hard to protect her from some of the unpleasantness. Often to my own detriment. She now has a very close relationship, particularly with my mum.

I'm not bothered really about the content of these discussions. Most of it I've forgotten about. The thing that bothers me is the sentiment and reasoning behind it. Why she constantly has to bring up things from the past that make me look awful. And that I don't think were even that bad. I feel like it hints at an issue she has with me. I would talk to her, but unfortunately she's not really one for conversations like this. Will likely deny it or take offence. Am I being sensitive?

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 25/02/2025 14:42

It doesn’t sound like you are sensitive. It does sound like she resents you and feels envious.
I can’t tell you why of course. And it might be related to your achievements or/ and to support you got from your parents. Maybe you should sit, think about it and make a list of both things in relation to you and her. Maybe you’ll see the pattern.
Maybe your parents are commenting about her life choices negatively and it’s her reaction (wrong of course).
I would ask her gently but it might be tricky for her to answer straight away.

By the way I’m a bit of your younger sister in this situation. My sister got a lot of support and attention from parents as she had kids much earlier. I think she was a bit selfish because she relied on them too much and on a way made them entirely focused on her.
She would tell you that she needed support and it’s all in the past. However at that moment I needed support too ( infertility) but no one payed attention to my problems, they were too busy with other things.

I know it sounds too simplistic but I thought that a different perspective might be useful .
Your sister might be just a jealous bitch of course, it happens too.

Justkeepswiimming · 25/02/2025 16:14

@pizzaHeart hmmm I mean if anything, she's had much more support from parents, and also my older sisters who have been in a position to help her out financially at times. I need to try and speak to her about but have no idea how to broach without her taking offence.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 25/02/2025 16:30

Justkeepswiimming · 25/02/2025 16:14

@pizzaHeart hmmm I mean if anything, she's had much more support from parents, and also my older sisters who have been in a position to help her out financially at times. I need to try and speak to her about but have no idea how to broach without her taking offence.

In this case could you approach your mum and say that you’ve noticed that sister is a bit negative and maybe she’s unhappy about something? I also wonder if your parents are commenting on how independent you are and coping well with life and children whereas your sister… comments like these usually make you unreasonably resent the better and more successful sibling.
I would approach it from the point of love and worry ( if you feel like it) rather than being offended.

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